Diving in and the water is deep , ripples of pain away from me creep. All around me the absence of sound, the weight and intensity is profound. I blink my eyes try to clear the haze, questions bubble around me creating an unending maze. No answers to help me through the confusion. The happiness i had dreamed only an illusion Im living in a nightmare instead of my dream. And dealing with the staggering reality that no one is what they seem. Every heartbeat an ache and a cry! pretending I’ve got it under control but its a lie! The pain is staggering and it makes me sway I drop to my knees and overwhelmed i pray. Open my clenched fists help me let go…. the control i never had, cracks starting to show. Relax my jaw, tension making it ache, all this heaviness away from me take. Heal my heart from the heavy blows. I feel as though i am bleeding out but no one knows.