Apr 30
HOW TO STRAIGHTEN CROOKED TEETH ON YOUR OWN (1) Firmly grasp the offending tooth with pliers and gently twist it till it's in perfect alignment. (2) Tap nearby teeth with a wooden mallet to "encourage" them to return to a position that would please God. (3) Inform a fat woman that gluttony is sinful.
HOW TO ADMIT TO YOURSELF THAT YOU DON'T LOVE WOMEN AS MUCH AS YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO LOVE THEM - Women are not like you and me: they're really tall (over 9 feet) and have extra molecules that allow them to stay underwater for months on end. Some women have developed mind-reading techniques that force them to memorize the Bible in 3 minutes with no mistakes. Other women from Mongol territories are strong enough to lift dozens of midgets over their heads like they're Arnold Stallone or Sylvester Schwarzenegger or something.
HOW TO ADMIT TO YOURSELF THAT YOU DON'T LOVE WOMEN AS MUCH AS YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO LOVE THEM - Women are not like you and me: they're really tall (over 9 feet) and have extra molecules that allow them to stay underwater for months on end. Some women have developed mind-reading techniques that force them to memorize the Bible in 3 minutes with no mistakes. Other women from Mongol territories are strong enough to lift dozens of midgets over their heads like they're Arnold Stallone or Sylvester Schwarzenegger or something.
