My ridiculous heart leads me astray
Deep dives, again and again and again
I've found another lover with games to play
I attract sociopaths; narcissistic broken men

I'm quite aware they'll never change
I know they're not my responsibility to fix
This pattern is so ******* strange
Why do I force myself to live in conflict?

There must be something off inside me
Something in my brain must've glitched
I stay imprisoned, though I hold the keys
My reason to madness indicators, switched

I cannot heal their trauma bent hearts
I'm incapable of providing what they need
Broken darkness within isn't a form of art
Foolishness enough to make me bleed

They put on a show so presumptive to start
It's so easy to overlook the tell-tale signs
And my denial skills top the masters charts
Sanity checks out, my common sense resigns

I should know so much better by now
Maybe it's not that I don't realize or know
Perhaps it's something my mind allows
There's a part of me that thrives on ******

Whatever the truth of my why may be
I do believe it's time for this cycle to end
I'm burned out by the utter absurdity
I'm not happy and I'm done playing pretend

Loving him doesn't mean I should stay
Potential doesn't mean he'll choose to grow
Lying to myself with promises of "someday"
No. I've already spent enough years in limbo

It's time to relinquish my attempts to control
Sorrow and hurt, no matter, I need to let go
Here I'm not helping, I'm suffocating my soul
How would it feel to move into Universal flow?

Certainly there's abundant joy to be found
Power in relinquished attempts to gain power
My world doesn't have to be a battleground
I could exist as simply as a delicate wildflower

Though aware, I still have a choice to make
Knowledge and knowing alone won't save me
Not from uncertainty or potential heartbreak
I have to choose to behave, to live differently

I don't honestly know if I'll ever get there
Lacking the courage, I doubt my capabilities
Too comfortable living in my familiar warfare
Predictable chaos, I can live with hostilities

I'm not admitting defeat just yet, however
Too much of me desperately wants change
So much importance within this endeavor
Someday maybe it won't be beyond my range

I'll keep on trudging through every day
Holding on to my hope, my eyes opened wide
Perhaps a door will appear, creating a way
If I trust it to, the Universe will provide