I’m sorry I’m so sorry I’m trying I’m really trying
believe me
I gave in again I gave in to the voices again I— cut myself again
please
please forgive me please— I didn’t mean to— no, I did but not like that not to hurt you but now it feels like I did
please don’t leave me
not like she did
please stay a little longer just a while just— forever? I’ll get better, I promise
I promise
I just— I can’t be alone not in this house not in this war-zone of a home where voices break more than silence where hands break more than glass
I— I can’t stay here or I fear— no, I know— the darkness will take me
please, my love— forgive me
you said you’d never leave you said you’d stay but what if one day you get tired?
what if you see I’m not something you can fix?
what if I never mend?
I don’t want to be like this forever.
but I’m scared
because all I’ve ever known is hurt instead of love
they were supposed to be better— the ones who took us in but the mother had fists like storms and the father— I don’t want to say it but it stays inside me like rot
and now— no, now I sound like I want pity like I want someone to look at me to see me
social media says I’m an attention seeker for saying this for feeling this for needing someone to listen
even my own therapist feels like a lie
what was I even talking about?
…oh
cutting myself
I got carried away, didn’t I? I always do.
I’m just— I don’t know I don’t know how to stop I don’t know how to let go
the grudge I hold— it’s eating me alive
I’m sorry I’m so sorry I—
I put more scars into my body again again again
if they find out they’ll send me away they’ll—
please please don’t let them
please help me
please—
Maryann, help me.
At first, it seems I write for love— a plea, a whisper, “stay, forgive me.”
But as the ink spills, the truth unravels— these words aren’t for them. They are for me.
A cry I cannot speak, a confession I cannot hold. The more I write, the more the lines blur—
between seeking comfort and fearing that no one will ever truly stay.