In these absentminded anxious anomalies.
Of thought.
I recede into self doubt.
Rampant overtly critical self destruction.
I am the hypnosis and torpor.
Of far too many drugs.
Far too early.

******* development.
Restricted ego.
And, the niggling doubt.
That I'm good at something.

These nervous neurotic moments are conscious.
An urge of self anihilation
Taboo words.
Forbidden ideas.
Mix with my suicidal ideations.
I am beyond the horizon of self doubt.
I fell into abnegation.

I think
I need some apathetic anti depressants.
To comfort me.
Get me through today.
So in tomorrow.
I can hope that a couple months from now.
Everything won't be so bad.

But that never happens.