My bedroom was so large,
and I was so small.

Cleaning it was such a task,
when organization
was so new, a nascent skill.

I didn't know then,
but I might have had a brother,
and our family was too poor.
Once, Mom was late, and
exercised her reproductive rights.
But afterwards, Dad
wondered aloud
if it was the right thing.

Bad timing.

And she hated him for two years,

starting here.

And when she found me in a pile of toys,
having failed at my singular task,
I can only imagine

   what she must have been thinking,
   when she took hold of my wrists,
   and suddenly the world spun

      the walls a kaleidoscope

a wail tore forth from her lungs,
a sound I'd never heard.

   And -- for a moment --
   I was flying

      a moment of weightlessness

      the moment she let go of my wrists

      the moment my spine hit the bedframe

      the moment all the breath exited my body

      the moment of silence in the wake

Never had she done such a thing.

      The moment the shockwave hit --

the moment my cry was truncated
with a "Shut up!"
And she could never admit that it happened.

It hurt her too much to know
that it did. I learned

that empathy is
a cross to bear, that some words
twist the knife
in someone else's skin.