loud eaters. ticking clocks. repetitive sounds. pen clicks. the sound of  thirteen keyboards. a missed note. a beat just shy of the tempo. flashing lights. shiny gold badges that belong to red and blue flashing lights. fists flying. pre-test jitters. waiting on my grade. starting a new school. new job. new friends. crowds. being near people i don't know. driving when other people are out. overpass. watching his panic attacks. yelling. screaming. plates soaring across the room. guns pointed at skulls. self-doubt. do you still love me? empty promises. broken promises. being alone. eating. not eating. performing. publishing my words for all to see. being near my old houses. red pickup trucks. him loving someone else. going to his mom's house. ma'am. she. samantha. girl. fat. asthma attacks. being outside. being inside. stroganoff. shrimp stir fry. bugs.