Jun 2018
Chaos walked into my life
Threatening me with a knife
I had no choice but to fight
To take control, and make it right.
Little did I know that I wasn't in control
That something else was controlling my soul
My enemy has changed into something I lust
To be thin, I must
My enemy is the number on the scale
As he is ruling and I am in jail
I am conflicted about its reign
Cause we have the same goal and the same name
Threatening me with a knife
I had no choice but to fight
To take control, and make it right.
Little did I know that I wasn't in control
That something else was controlling my soul
My enemy has changed into something I lust
To be thin, I must
My enemy is the number on the scale
As he is ruling and I am in jail
I am conflicted about its reign
Cause we have the same goal and the same name
So my life has been messed up lately. I am recovering from a psychotic manic episode which resulted in a bunch of bad consequences. I tried to ignore my feelings a long time because I wanted to win this fight. I realized I have been struggling with something else. I'm having eating disorder behaviors (behaviors, not a disorder itself) and I can't stop because I really want to lose weight. I can't tell anyone and feel trapped. So yea, messed up indeed. At least it inspired a poem.
