your hair 

after you cut it

your crooked teeth

your 

cockiness

dislike 

of scratching

and 

reluctance to bite,

that you're a coward

and
emotionally 

closed; that 

yousmoked

all 

my cigarettes,


your inability to text 

or

introduce me to yourfriends,


that you always wore the sameclothes 

and looked odd
in suits

didn't believe inGodorlove
believe
 that I was smart,

that 
you broke

my ******* 
heart.

We built jumping castles on top of sand castles
And called it art
Unique
Beautiful
Then you ripped it apart
And I don't know how to turn that into poetry
That lasts

I try and feel highly of myself
to believe every word you say
but I've been taught that
thoughts like this
only come bathed in vain.

You have to know my dear that
I try and believe when
you tell me I'm perfect, that
I'm worth it

but the chemicals in my brain
put me to shame
gently whispering
"you're worthless"

love, has always been a
losing game
yet here we are both winning
and I have no idea how to play

how to believe that
you're all mine
I could let my worrisome conscious
be free

if only I'd know I'd never
have to say
please,
please- don't leave.

Porcelain powder
Amber bronzer
Fuicsha hues for the cheeks

Sandy brows
Black mascara
Red lip stain is what you seek.

I am not just a face

I'm a ******* human being.

I am not just a body.

I am soul ever feeling.

So many men, so ******
and tasteless

So many times
I want to remain
faceless.

through years and tears
  tiny arrows spinning round and
    round insignificant numbers on
       a flat face, staring back at me.  
         a field of wild grasses and flowers
           only followed by another single
              field, no rolling hillsides
             but only industrialism,  
         mindless materialism
      that numbs you so softly
   and slowly
you barely
notice
it

already

has
happened.

When you write please tell me about your eyes,
How they look in the clear night skies,
Or the hot sunny days.
Ask others what they see,
and then tell me,
Because I'm desperate to remember,
You see i'm forgetting the very thing,
that held me together.

There is a world inside of me

life & pain it lives and breathes

endless fog, scorching heat

how am I to rule a world

that I can't even see.