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We all wanted to grow up,
Wearing the big kids crown.
But now…
All I want to do is grow down.
Time is too fast. Changes comes too fast.
If only I could stop time…
I would be better
If I had wings.
Burnt edges
Will keep me soaring
Through clouded skies.
Trouble is just a word
From such heights.
What good is closeness
If it's still a weathered chasm
Empty, hungry and aching?
Mornings licked amber,
wet, bright,
papaya pulp split in the grass,
rain still steaming off rooftops.

they came,
sway-backed, jewel-eyed,
weaving cobalt ribbons through the cricket fields,
feathers slick as oil spills.

I waited,
barefoot, rice pinched in small fingers,
not offering—inviting.

they took
beaks sharp,
eyes glinting like they carried whole summers behind them—
but they never left.

even when the rains came,
hard and urgent,
they stayed, hips swaying under silver sheets,
tails dragging through warm mud.

I thought they danced for me,
as if the whole monsoon belonged only to the girl watching,
silent, secret-spined,
hair curling at the nape,
too small to touch,
too quiet to call them by name,
but they saw me.

I know they did.

they crowned me in silence—
Princess of Puddles,
Keeper of Small Hungers.

somewhere between the serpent hunts,
the rain-slick pirouettes,
I learned how beauty moves,
how it takes without asking,
how it lives without needing to be seen.

they were never mine,
but I belonged to them,
to the fevered mornings,
to the blue-green shimmer folded beneath heavy air,
to the secret language only wild things speak

something wordless,
something that never leaves you.
Every morning, on my way to school, I passed by those peacocks—swaying through the fields, feathers damp with night rain—the first beautiful thing that ever made me feel chosen. Feeding them in my backyard became the quiet ritual of my childhood, and still remains one of my fondest memories.
I don’t know how to not be an actress.
I have no idea how to be real
What is it I really am any time feeling
And what is it that I truly want to do.
I need to tear down the theatre curtains
And stand without costumes on life’s stage

What can I use to take off the makeup
That turns me into who I am not
That covers up the scared little girl
Trying so hard to figure it out
Aching to know what the real villain is
And finding a way to subdue it.

Sensing the final act has begun
And my script is missing those pages,
I vainly search back stage for a prompter
Or someone who knows if I exit stage left
And what the script says is my final line
And if Curtain Call has now been cancelled.
                    ljm
All the world's a stage......
I hate this pill,
I hate these meds,
"Don't forget! Don't forget!!"
If you don't take them,
You're a disgrace to this earth,
Such a terrible person you are a scar on this earth.
But if you remember, like you can never,
That capsule will absorb all feeling.
It's not my heart that doesn't work,
It's these stupid medicine measurements.
Why do I have to either go through hell,
Or put everyone I love through it.
How is that fair?
I guess it's not.
Life *****, but I don't want it to end,
I'm still waiting to feel reality,
When does this wear off?
Will I ever stop being an actor,

And just be me?
Meds never work in the way they sell them to
Paul as an antichrist—
Jesus as dead:
The devil's deceptions
Can mess with your head.

Church as the enemy:
Lucifer's light
Makes Babylon blacker
Than Egypt's own night.

But God is outside us:
Externally true—
An anchor; a reference point
Greater than YOU.
[...] if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.    
(Romans 10:8,9)
Colors fall
laughter rises.
Pink, green, yellow, red
then a hug.

Hands, cheeks, hearts,
all the same,
we find unity
in the mess.

A day to cherish,
crafting memories
that never fade.
Holi is a festival that comes from an old Hindu story about Prince Prahlad and his evil aunt, Holika. Prahlad, a devoted follower of Lord Vishnu, was saved from a fire by divine intervention, while his evil aunt, Holika, perished in those flames. This symbolizes the victory of good over evil. It also marks the arrival of spring. A lot of delicioussss snacks and dishes are prepared (my fav part of this festival... hehehe)
Well, let us live in harmony, spreading peace and happiness. Happy Holi to all my HP friends!!!!!
~
I'm an exit wound
I'm a numinous obstacle
I'm about to make landfall
I'm about to break free

I'm a nerve ender
A fascinator
A purifier
A world populator
And I'm about to break through

I'm the push and pull
I'm a counter argument
I'm dissonance resistance
I'm viral replication
I'm about to break out

I'm a singularity
I'm a spark
I'm the perfect detonator
To mind and heart
And I'm about to break up

I'm a simulacra
I'm an oscillation
Made of breath only
I'm a living, moving imprint
Of what no longer is
Yet somehow seems to be

~
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