Three years ago your doctor gave you a diagnosis
You took his words and twisted them until each individual letter fell onto the floor with a loud thud
You carved the word into your skin and let it sink deep until it reached your heart
Depression
You let the word rip apart your veins and tear at your porcelain skin
You shoved the word
Sadness
Down your throat until you could no longer breath without feeling that word in every single inch of your body
Three years ago you picked up a blade and sliced through your arm
Spelling out the word
Anxiety
You let this word convulse throughout your soul
And you let it trap you in a glass box that could shatter at the slightest touch
You felt the words inside of you
And you let them break every part of you
You burned the word
Anxious
Into your brain and you let it char every bit of matter left
Three years ago your doctor gave you a diagnosis
You starved until the words were scarred into you organs in order to let you know that you were killing yourself with this word
Eating disorder
You deprived yourself of the things you needed because you thought it would **** the other words that you've placed on yourself
The doctor said that you were killing yourself
And you merely said
"Okay"

It's been three years
And you are covered in scars from the words you've carved into yourself
But the only difference is,
You're not letting these words rule over you any longer
You are strong
You are braver
You are better
Because you decided that these words do not control you
These words are not a life sentence

What is anxiety?

Anxiety is waking up in the middle of the night
Heart pounding
And senses spiking

Anxiety is walking out onto a cold balcony and staring down at a street full of taxi cabs,
And thinking,
"Should I jump...?"

Anxiety is full body shaking
And mind convulsing
While you're sitting completely still

Anxiety is standing in a full room
And feeling completely alone
And enclosed by an invisible box

Anxiety is the voice rising torture that fills your vocal cords and chokes you until you can't breath, and you're grasping at your lungs, trying to fill them with the air you can't seem to get
Anxiety is gasping, and gasping, and gasping

Empty  silhouettes wander down abandoned streets,
Dousing their souls in scotch and whiskey
Placing firey papers to their lips and their lungs full of tar
The only noise comes from the dead houses,
Filled with broken children
And tired parents with bags upon bags upon bags under their lonely eyes
And unowned women stand on the corners, climbing into old cars
Their mothers wouldn't be proud
And babies can be seen crying through cracked windows
While husbands caress their wives, the ones covered in bruises
And teenagers sit on stoops, covering their damaged arms and bandaged hearts

Her fragile bones ache
With the remembrance
Of hands grasping
At her empty forms
And voices cooing lies
Of calmness

Her skin was pins and needles
And her mind screamed no
Each kiss pierced her soul
And with each whisper
She wished for death

His body,
Pressing hard into hers,
Caused an explosion of rigidness
Arms forcing action
Out of her lifeless form

Small whimpers escape through her mouth
While her mind is screaming

NO

Her bones shatter
And her heart aches
Tears fall
And silence breaks

He is done

her ridged body
collapsed
under the pressure
and her soul
leaked
sadness because of you

her calloused hands
stained
with tainted blood
and her eyes
weeped
with the disgrace of night

she was a monster in
guise
and her heart
was lost in a
labyrinth

fragment*

Sad petals fall like tears
And lavender colors fill dying fields

"You're too beautiful
to be so sad"*

She no longer shows her efflorescence

"our existence is fractured"

his quite whispers in my ear pierce the silence that has enclosed my entire body.
my heart, a beating time bomb, slowly cracks and shatters, waiting to burst.
the sea foam walls encase us
and I
drown