I'm mad I bothered,
and I'm sorry I tried,
today I might leave you,
fallen behind.

I'm tired of smiling,
when you don't give a ****,
I'm sorry for caring,
when you never did at all

I'm done with being stamped on,
harder each time,
Your nest isn't safe...
It never was

Every second of the day,
my heart is still breaking
I'm leaving to save myself,
the small remains of my soul.

"Is the stress taking over my body?"
Only question on my mind...
as my body feels heavy and shaky,
as my head hurts and is filled with worries,
as my fingers tremble and my eyes flicker

"Is it possible to calm myself down?"
One question I struggle to answer...
as I try to think positive thoughts,
as I try to smile and be happy,
as I try to do my daily tasks,
I'm still feeling like **** inside...

It's like the chaos inside me never extinguish itself,
I'm left to deal with the flames it creates,
I feel too weak to put up a fight,
I don't have enough strength left...

I guess stress is taking over for real,
This time...

I love the autumn leaves,
the autumn trees,
they're just as beautiful,
as we used to be.

I love sweathers,
jackets and the early darkness,
everything that's beautiful...
in the madness of autumn.

I look at you,
and I see beauty,
truth,
compassion,
safety,
joy.

When I look at you...
I see love

Some days nothing is right,
everything is wrong,
I don't even belong,
anywhere at all.

I've had many of those days,
so used with the frustration and pain,
confused of all the different emotions
that runs through my brain.

I long for the days,
when smile and laughter fills every second of the hour,
I forget everything that's wrong,
because you make everything alright.

You are filling every empty hole,
of my every being,
patching them up,
and giving me meaning.

I know it isn't right,
but sometimes I feel it might be alright.
The urge is too severe,
like a curse...
I ruin all that was beautiful with us,
just for my own egotistical reasons,
maybe I'm not worthy of your love no more,
maybe it's time to move on to the open shore.

For both of us.

I need to change
For myself
For my life
For my friends
For the world
To live
True
Real
Meaningful

I will not die in vain,
I refuse

You can take everything away from me,
But not my words,
My words are mine,
and only mine to keep

I can write, I can sing, I can dance
You can try to break my soul,
But you can't take it away from me

I'm still breathing,
I'm still in the game,
You haven't made me lose yet

I have a willpower within,
That will always overcome your hatred
My words make me win over you,
Because they're filled with my soul

You don't own a soul,
So you're words will never matter
You will always lose,
Over me,
And everything,
And everyone else
It's called karma for a reason...

I guess it's true what they say
"You reap what you sow"

Don't be so ******* yourself, little girl
You're only human
I know life is tough,
and you feel hopeless and alone
But remember I'm right here by your side,
holding your hand and keeping you warm
Please,
darling please,
never give up.

Stop looking around,
comparing yourself to everyone you find,
stop thinking you'd be better off as someone else,
when you are unique, beautiful and smart.
Please,
darling please,
love yourself.

Don't look back and always regret,
look forward with hope,
enjoy the ride,
and learn while you can
Please,
darling please,
don't be hindered by your past.

When your heart is crushed,
you're filled with pain
and tears fall down as you'll never win
Please,
darling please,
don't close the door on loving again.

Your dreams are there to be followed,
I'll always encourage you,
Don't let them just be dreams,
be true to yourself,
if you can dream it you can do it
I'll always have your back,
especially when you don't have your own
Please,
darling pleace,
go after your dreams with all that you have

When you're insecure and scared,
need guidance to find your way,
remember what I've told you,
remember that I'm there,
I'll never let you be alone
Please,
darling please,
remember that your mother is there

I'll love you from your birth till my grave,
and beyond that.
I'll cherish our moments and give you the best that I can.
I wish for you the best and all the happiness,
I look forward to meeting you one beautiful day.
I'll always love you, I've loved you even before you were born.

With love from your future mother <3

If you ask me why I write,
I'll tell you why I write.

Writing is how I cope through the hardest of times,
writing is how I survived a childhood not mine,
writing is how I kept strong when I was feeling down.

When I had noone and nothing else,
I could write down my worries, thoughts and fears,
Also write my pain away and write about a place
much further away.
I could write about happiness, flowers, love and trees,
I could write about everything I will always need,
but never received.

When I was scared, angry, sad and alone,
no comfort was shown,
I wrote in my journal or made a poem,
only thing to keep me from gone.

I needed so much more,
I never got.
I needed comfort,
I never had.
So I wrote for myself,
for my life and my pride.

If I didn't write for myself,
who would write for me then?
Maybe I wouldn't still be,
here on earth as I am.
Because...
I write to survive,
I write to live,
If I don't write,
what's left of me then?

If I was at the outside looking in,
I would see that this is a sin,
I'm not true to myself,
just true to everyone else.

The clock is ticking away,
as I'm wasting my life day after day,
scared to state my opinion,
open my mind
and fly to the sky.

Nothing calms me more down
after a long day
sleepless night
stressful hours
than my favorite cup of coffee

Nice,
warm,
tasty,
delicious
and sweet
fulfills my every need

I can't stop thinking about you,
wishing it was us two,
hopelessly in love with you

your smile make my knees weak,
your beautiful eyes bright up my life,
hair like a goddess, long, light and bright,
gosh, I wish you were here tonight

you're sweet and kind,
your heart is made of gold,
you speak to me in ways I can't ignore

My brain is occupied by your perfection,
my heart is captured by your essence,
my soul is longing for connection,
this is more than just infatuation

In this world,
in this moment,
right now,
right here...
there's nothing I wish for more than to have you
Honey, I love you

You're my golden princess

I don't want this anymore,
it brings me to tears,
fill me with fears.

I scratch myself from desperation,
it hurts my body and mind,
gives me an ache that I'll never find.

My heart has been shot by a ruthless gun,
now filled with a large hole in the middle,
hole that matches the hole in my soul.

I am sick of trying to get through,
in ways that doesn't do me no good.
Set me free,
I won't continue to ****** my soul.

My worn out eyes
stare through the crowd
no joy to be found

My worn out eyes
cry tears at night
nothing but pain around

My worn out eyes
are tired and dead
how they still stay up  
is a mystery unresolved

My worn out eyes
are just worn out eyes
nothing more
nothing less
just worn out.

The world makes me mad

Everything makes me mad,
You make me mad,
Everybody else makes me mad,
I make myself mad

Time makes me mad,
There's too little of it
Chores and obligations makes me mad,
There's too much of it

Life makes me mad,
You got things set up right in front of you,
But it's hard to change course from normality

This all makes me mad,
So I'm basically wasting my time being mad,
Leaving no time left to make myself happy...

Isn't it sad?
And you know what?
That makes me more mad than anything else...

I have this feeling within,
this feeling will not let me win,
it suffocates my every attempt on progress,
tells me I'll never make it,
and eats me alive.

This feeling,
Has been within me from birth,
and wants to stay till the grave
I'm this feelings slave,
I feel far from brave...

I'm locked up in it's cave,
can't get away,
If I don't want to stay,
It will make me pay...

This feeling,
is a devil in disguise,
this feeling,
is buried deep inside,
this feeling,
will not keep me alive,
this feeling,
has death on it's mind,
this feeling...
is fear

There's nothing I fear more than fear itself

I've always liked the unpredictable,
the stranger things,
always had a scent for weirdness
Normal is horrible, mainstream is not for me
I like crazy and crazy likes me

If I'm mental,
the world is my hospital,
my friends are my doctors
Being different for me,
is being myself,
open and free,
in a world that is filled with plastic...

Your strange self captures my wicked heart
You're one of my own,
let's go together into the unknown

Do you want to know me?
The real me
Can you see my soul?
Do you have what it takes to handle me unwrapped?

Will you see beyond my scars?
Will you love me regardless?
May I give you my all without being crushed?
May I bare myself at your feet?

If not...
Just go,
Leave me alone and move on
My heart has been through enough disappointment,
To last an entire lifetime on it's own...

You don't know how I feel
The endless chaos in my mind
You think everything is okay
The outside hides the war inside

I feel pain in my chest,
I smile my best
I feel weak as I wake up,
I struggle to cope

My head is aching
From anxieties and endless fears
Worries, doubts and bad memories

Being alone is torture for me,
Tears fall down my cheeks,
As my gun calls for repeat

You simply do not know,
I simply do not show

That I am dying slow...

This feeling
unlike any other feeling
Feels unnatural,
unsafe and catastrophical
can't get out, can't handle being all alone
Clinging on to the only safety I know
Even if it feels entirely wrong

What's wrong with me?
Why am I so scared of the unknown?
This is the time to test boundaries,
Learn for selfgrowth,
And feel forever young
I'm like a child inside,
scared and lonely,
Afraid to take the risk,
To fly high above
and shine
on my oh so destined throne

Do I belong in your heart
Or my own?
Unaffected by your love,
wisdom and words,
Or filled with your love,
us forevermore, side by side
Till death do us apart?
Speak now or forever hold your peace

Just do as I say,
you have to tease me,
in order to please me

It's like an itch,
it wont quit,
make me tick

Who's the boss this time...
should I obey
or decide?

Would you say it again?
Those words you spelled out
But never really meant
Could you do it all again?
Use my love and crush my soul
Does it even bother you?
Or do you not care at all?

I thought we had something,
But it was all a fictional game,
You're like ice and can't be melted,
I'm naive and got disrespected,
I bet karma get's you in the end,
Because you never stop with your silly little game

One day all your lies will be revealed
And all the people you've deceived
Will get the peace that they need

I want a city that always breathes,
Never sleeps
I want dancing all night long,
To be wild and ***** too

I want singing all day,
I want something new

Make me feel alive
Make me smile
Make me laugh
******* and make me glow

Endless nights,
Endless fun,
Endless kink,
Endless life

My heart longs for excitement,
I'm too young to settle down,
Watch out,
I'm simply untamable now...

I'm like this again
It's an uncurable disease,
Just keeps on coming back
Making me want to die
I'm also afraid to die
I really want to live
I really want to want to live
But I still feel like this,
And I can't live with it

You say you love me,
They say they miss me,
Some even wants to be with me,
I can't believe a word they say
I can hear it, but not understand
Or feel it
Makes no sense at all,
why I still feel all alone

Might be that I never let them through,
Noone knows what's going on,
Going on inside my mind,
All my broken thoughts, hopes, wishes and dreams
Crushed into the one thing
That I've always been able to feel,
and to understand;
The strong and powerful pain
It's like it's always with me,
Even when I am starting to feel fine,
It's still with me,
the pain then starts to rain all over me
It won't ever go away from me

Can't I ever be free?
Why have I felt like this forever?
I thought things would get better,
I always do, but it never lasts
The pain takes me straight back
It never tells when it's going to strike
But when it strikes, it strikes
I'm certain of that

Will this be my future?
Day in and day out...
A glimpse of happiness,
Then just excruciating pain
Like there's no way out
You give and then you take
Everything that's left on the plate
More than you gave
Just to leave me with less
When I started to lose my suppress
I'm now suppressed to a whole new extent

I'm afraid to tell,
paranoid in every way,
A sound here, a shadow there
Someone wants me, I have to hide
They all want to take me down
Don't go outside, you'll be destroyed
The sun will melt you,
the rays will burn you,
And the daylight,
It will destroy you...
My mind says things I know aren't true,
But If I open up my state of mind,
I don't know if I'll get cured

I'm afraid to be ridiculed
I'm afraid to be looked down upon
I'm afraid to be framed
I'm afraid to be deceived
I'm afraid to be lied to
I'm afraid to be ruined

But must of all,
I'm afraid of growing old...
To die alone and unloved,
filled with unfulfilled dreams,
Years of depression and guilt
Of all the life I never lived
Wasted time, wasted memories
Just because of fear
how can I bear?

I doubt everyone's intentions
Even my own
In my heart,
I don't even know where I belong

I don't want to take my life, I want to start my life

My disease complicates my soul
When it rains at the most,
it turns into an ocean, I've been here before
The question is...
Will I swim through this time too,
or will this be the time I drown?

As I walked down the same road
I've walked a thousand times
Small town,
I have dreams, never seem to get out
I realized the stupidity of what I was doing
I'm avoiding life because I'm scared of living,
Not being true to myself,
In fear of failing as me
Insignificant people decide my destiny,
Their opinions are valued over my own

This is the road to hell
To selfhatred, regrets and pain
I always wind up ******* things up for myself,
Instead of listening to my gut,
Which I know have all the answers,
I'm just a coward

As I look at the beautiful sunset,
I know the truth is within me,
The power inside me
And the strength with me

I have to change,
Break the pattern,
I've said it from the beginning,
But I never seem to begin
Will I begin now or forever hide in despair?

It's killing me before my time,
I want to live,
But it's like I'm frozen,
Unmovable,
The same place as always,
In hell,
When my soul is made for heaven

Could it be worse?
It actually is,
Because the reason I'm in hell,
Is because I've put myself there,
And it's like the fear screams to me:
"You'll never make it",
"You're not worth it",
"You're stupid"
"You're ugly"
"Why are you even thinking about it?"
It silences me, keeps me stuck
My thoughts are the root of all the evilness
I'm putting myself through

I need to fight through all the sadness
And embrace my madness
The future is in my hands
Will I let it slip through,
or will I grab it by the hands and make it greet me?
It's up to me

Will my fear get the best of me,
Or will my best shine through?

I don't care about anyone,
or anything
You keep me safe and sound,
bring me joy and laughter

I like us better in private,
just being myself with you,
fulfills me
No worries,
no need to be scared

Just us two, no interruptions
So secure,
perfect as can be,
could stay like this forever,
no doubt in my mind

This moment,
right here,
right now,
no pain,
just love

Many times I wished for you to care
To love me,
Stay by my side,
Help me,
Encourage me,
Make me smile and laugh,
Protect me,
Make me feel special,
I've never had that

Didn't you think I deserve it?
Wasn't I important enough?
Did your own selfhatred get in the way?

While you wallowed in self-pity
And added even more regrets to your life
I was left alone, on the outside, feeling abandoned
Like I wasn't worthy

You acted cold and distant
The words I was too young to hear
You didn't care for your life,
Or to see us grow up,
You probably didn't see it like that,
But kids do,
We're not programmed to have adult minds,
You should've known,
I wanted to be loved and that's all I wanted back
To love you with all my heart

The few times you looked at me and smiled
Is all I will ever have from you
It hurts that I care as much as I do
When you've never been there for me
You were never there
I wonder if you ever wanted to

All those times you never showed up,
Made me cry,
Left all alone...
Did you even know?
Did you drink away the only hunch
You've ever had?
Was it worth it?

I get life is hard,
I get you're down,
Believe me, I do
But is that an excuse to neglect your flesh?
If someone hurt you in the past,
It was never me, never your little girl
Why weren't I your little girl?

You grew up in a distant family,
It does stuff to a person,
Just like all this did to me
I get that and try to be understanding
But my patience is fleeting
You don't value my heart
I'll still continue to **** you with kindness
That's a better way to die
Than die of the *****, old and alone

Hopefully you'll find peace and stop
This selfdestructiveness
If not, atleast I tried
A job not mine to do
Only you can make the change,
Only if you want do

I guess you're a lost case
Prove me wrong
But I'll never hold my breathe waiting,
Because if there's one thing I've learned,
It is that you never keep a promise

The music's inside me,
It makes me want to move,
To dance,
To smile,
To live,
To laugh,
To never give up

I sometimes lose it when I'm down
Completely
Maybe even for a long time
But never completely
Because it's within me
It's programmed
It's destined
It's me

The music's inside me,
The biggest part of me,
It's untouchable,
It can never die,
Even when I feel like it,
It brings me back to life,
Makes me breathe,
Gives me hope,
Gives me love

When I can't seem to find myself,
I find myself in music

I wanted to be like everyone else,
So I partied to fit in,
Drank to interact with you,
Lost myself trying to find you,
Truth is I don't want you,
Don't need any of you,
You give me nothing...
Nothing but headaches and mistakes

The laughter fades as the time passes,
The time from the last drink,
Without the alcohol it's not the same,
It never is...
Talk gets more serious, more depressed,
More distant,
It's all an illusion

I used to want to be like everyone else,
Feel normal,
Popular,
Liked,
Now I don't care,
It's not me,
I want people who like me for me,
Not who I used to be,
Who they want me to be,
I'm not like you,
I'm like me.

There he stands...
So tall, so beautiful
With nothing but his hat,
and his voice
I get goosebumps from the magic
of his singing
My hands tremble of the nervousness
of him not noticing me
the way I notice him
I just want him so badly,
need his kiss to calm my mind,
from all the lustful thoughts
that just keep on comin'
as he keep on singin'

I wish to be there
and sing side by side,
Our voice connecting
as our hearts find each other

We could belong,
we could be one...

Let's be real
Does that mean you really want to?
To know my deepest thoughts?
See my pain?
Feel my fear?
Are you even aware?
Let's be clear

Dear beautiful flower in my hand
I know you want to blossom
And for me to water you
Nurture you
But I can't help you
Even if I want to

Truth to be told,
I can't even help myself
Definitely not love myself

How can someone who feels unlovable,
Create something so lovable?
So beautiful and so peaceful?
I have no peace inside
I'm sorry...
but you have to die

She was the kind of lost that was unseen before
She was the kind of broken that's unfixable
She was the kind of beauty that's unfadable
She was the kind of love that was unforgettable

But her heart was cold as stone
Her truth were only lies
Her faithfulness was nonexistent and her love was false
But he couldn't stop
Deep down he knew it wasn't right
But there was something about her smile, her laugh and her touch...
That made it impossible to stop thinking about her, being with her, admiring her and loving her

It was painful, but necessary to feel alive
He couldn't breathe without her near
She had him on his knees, she had stripped him off his independence
To make him her needy wreck,
Filling the empty void in her heart
She loved the power and didn't care the cost
Her heart was made of stone
Stoning him alive
Until the day he dies
For all eternity

If I asked you to come with me,
travel overseas,
to a place where we could be who we wanted to be

where nobody put us down,
nobody told us "You can't make it,
be realistic,
and stop acting silly."

we could kiss all day,
make love all night,
be young,
and be free,
like fish in the sea

if I told you nobody could part us,
nobody could hurt us,
we could be ourselves,
nothing to be blamed

you could live your dreams,
and be with me,
how would it be?

If I told you "Let's go",
Would you take my hand,
come with me,
into this world...
For all eternity?

Let's go, my love

My actions may not make sense to you,
my thoughts may disturb you.
Just because I'm a little crazy,
doesn't mean I'm psychotic.

I don't eat pills for breakfast,
or have trouble controlling myself.
I simply am who I am,
there's not more to it than that.

I am not mental,
just because I'm not like you.
I'm not stupid,
just because I don't think like you.

I'd rather be special, unique and strange,
than be a puppet on a string,
like everyone else...

When you have felt inhuman,
such a long time,
in so many different ways
It's hard to be human again,
on the verge of impossible
I'm filled to the edge with grief,
let alone pain, will this ever end?
Is this my destiny, my only possibility?
Tell me now,
It's hard to be kept in the shade of my own existence

The realization has comed for me,
For I have not been true,
I've been untrue and selfish,
Stupid and impatient,
Wasting hour after hour,
Simply to pass time,
Instead of being warm, nice and honest,
I've been a ******* drinking for hours

I've acted like a loose cannon,
Ashamed of my actions,
I realized the real reality for me,
To work for my dreams,
Listen to my gut,
And be true to my heart

I want to find someone

Someone I can look at and feel complete,
Someone that fills me up with peace,
Someone that makes me forget the whole wide world

As long as we're together, it's just me and you,
Everything is fine,
everything is safe,
Because I'm in your arms

After a long day,
Just come home to you,
Is the highlight of my day

Come and find me,
I'm growing more impatient by the day,
Come here and kiss my fears away...

Will I sleep tonight,
And be filled with inner peace
Will I sleep tonight,
And forget my fears

Will I sleep tonight,
And wake up brand new
To come and see you?

Even when I'm blue,
I sure miss you
It's all true,
I need you

Where are you...

If I close my eyes to sleep tonight,
Will you be there to hold me tight?
Will you kiss me goodnight as I lay my head, and kiss me goodmorning as I wake?

Or will you just leave and make me feel dumb,
Stupid to have done the things that I've done,
All alone, without you there
All despair, without you here

Do you really want me to come undone?

It's painful to breathe,
It hurts to see,
My heart just bleeds,
It's a simple deed,
All I don't need...

It's all I know,
I always feel low,
I guess it show,
That I never glow...

I want to shine bright,
Reflect the light,
Of the stars in the night,
Feel so right...

I'm sitting here,
On a bench,
Contemplating my whole life,
Same place I've always been

I'm still young,
But I feel old,
So my age doesn't matter

Hurtful,
Yet beautiful
Sad,
Yet happy
Lost,
Yet found

But this isn't where I belong,
No matter what,
I live for the city,
For the late nights,
New exciting people,
Singing on a stage,
Dancing on the floor,
Smiling to the fullest,
Living for the moment...

This is the same old,
I want to feel brand new,
See beauty,
And live truly

I'm simply left on the bench...

I write because it's all that I know,
It's been my comfort all along
When I had noone else,
My pen and paper was there,
Holding my hand...

When I was young and vulnerable,
All alone and confused,
I could write down my thoughts,
And feel less darkness consumed

I found calmness in my writing,
And peace in my room
I found clearness in my mind,
As each word got dribbled down

I found love in my books,
When it was nowhere else to find
I found hope in these stories,
Because my life had no hope to find

I found nurture everywhere else,
Than where it truly should be
I seeked for guidance,
In places a child shouldn't be

I was sad and lonely,
Afraid and worried.
Naive and trustworthy,
Stupid and young.

I couldn't know...
What have I done?

She sat with smoke in her hand,
holes in her heart,
blood on her wrists,
and pain in her chest.

Noone understood,
noone tried,
noone cared,
atleast that's what she thought.

She had given up on it all,
love,
family,
friends,
life itself.

She was broken and bruised,
simply confused,
lonely she cruised,
day to night, night to day
all by herself.

"What will the future bring",
she thought for herself,
searched for answers she never found,
moved from cigarettes to the needle,
all she needed was one hit, just one hit
maybe everything would go away
It didn't go away...

One hit turned into many hits,
homeless and sick,
cold and hungry,
on the ground,
she was never found,
in time...

The girl who had given up,
soon became a body so cold,
started to rotten,
and now her body reflected how she felt all along,
she was dead, dead to the core.

The girl who had given up,
and everyone gave up on her too.

She simply crossed the border,
the border from life,
and into the grave...

I want a city that always breathes,
Never sleeps
I want dancing all night long,
To be wild and ***** too

I want singing all day,
I want something new

Make me feel alive
Make me smile
Make me laugh
******* and make me glow

Endless nights,
Endless fun,
Endless kink,
Endless life

My heart longs for excitement,
I'm too young to settle down,
Watch out,
I'm simply untamable now...

I'm jealous of who you used to kiss,
Wonder how many you've been with
I'm jealous of who you might look at,
When I'm not there with you...

I'm jealous you'll see,
That I'm not good enough for you,
I'm not even good enough for me...
Maybe you'll then leave me,
Alone and broken in half...

I'm jealous of everyone I find better than me,
Scared I'll never even compare
I'm jealous of girls with confidence,
Something I've lacked from the start
I'm jealous of those fearless girls,
Because I'm filled up with fear
I'm jealous of their success,
Because I'm still way behind,
Where I really want to be...

I don't hate them for it,
I believe they deserve all the good they can get

I'm not jealous and hateful,
I'm jealous and sad,
Jealous and scared,
Jealous and hopeless
Jealous of the life I want,
That I'm so far from
Jealous of it all,
But still stuck to the ground
Jealous and jealous
I'm simply jealous...

Will I ever be pleased?
Will I ever be proud?
Will I ever get my success?

The silence didn't overwhelm me this time
It made me peaceful,
Happy,
Calm
But the silence is only an illusion
All I see is darkness,
All I feel is chaos...

If I could choose,
I'd choose a better reality

You're telling me what to do,
Bossin' me around like I don't have a clue,
Force is the only weapon you choose,
Can't relax in this noose,
Physical abuse.

My inner demon gets loose,
Fills my brain with it's bruise,
I need some good news,
But seem destined to lose.

In a fight with you,
You'll always win,
It's such a sin,
But it's how it's always been,
I want to make your head spin,
Spin till you lose that grin.

I'm a prisoner in my own mind,
I can't get out,
It destroys me more and more,
With each passing day
It feels like hell,
nothing can extinguish these flames...

I'm burning alive,
and I will burn all the way down
I'm all ashes now,
Soon I'll become what I've felt all along,
Like nothing,
Nothing at all...

I'm trapped