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being seen from inside
your ice-green
eyes that started fires
in-between blinks, you looked to me
is something I admired

now whiskey brings
evening company
unfurling what's desired

what you left
still inside my chest
smoke signaled love & tired

tried to have your eyes simply-see
my love for you is breathing
haven't seen such colors as these
since sleep beneath your ceiling

lost in trust's muffled, rusted-musts

but lying there was easy
in a sense -
"        I tried;        "
still, I couldn't receive
I'd penned :
      bereaved and
believed
                 to mean
       the same
                 thing.
I think somewhere in this, I'm going to figure out, you know .. how it's done & through all the many ways it takes. lessons become teachers because people forget how to treat truth.
but everything is community in my mind. nothing happens without something else; I never understood the need to fight that. i digest in my head but what would I do without my right hand ? it's me and every other part of my body. I'm never alone. lonely is a lie we tell ourselves. there are always birds. always books. I meet a lot of people when I read & I never explain a thing. this reminds me of my love for dogs. to provide without need. a beautiful, beautiful thing. but words get abused like substance & when something is felt, we get confused, trying to explain it, trying to feed it. instead of just feeling it.
feel before you deal
I wanted to see the sunset
so I watched it over my book

& sometimes I wish I'd met you out

I'm digging my feet as deep into the sand as my ankles will allow
i can wear the day like my shoes. the earth as my boots

my gift
I stood present with you
i was
wet paint
spilling herself in a
gallery
when the artist had gone
so I
find myself
touching the knife

except

you let me love your dogs
to be loved as if for once it were-ever delicate a thing
with hands that believe still in,
non-bolting-limbs
lips that
or teeth
a heart that speaks
then means how it sings

cause I know even in my arms -
you had somewhere else to be


incessant ranting lambs to my left
belting as white as my heat
and
it was always that first

that first
a n d  t h e n
me

I endeared patience, worshiped it
but this-
like a prison sentence
& I pray waiting were an option
I scream opposed until my nose bleeds
until I fall asleep

am I calling it love now that everything's turned red ?
cause I liked the liking more;
the blues and greens
the build up
so dumb me down before I hear those words again /
a three word representation of an ending;  "i  l o v e  y o u"
like eight little machine guns pointed at my chest, screaming:
*don't move or i'll shoot
blown proportions
using bodies as poetry
to run from & out of verbs

upon request you just said
mine and
what a delicate thing
to still believe
in something
stand up for your truth's
darling
I want to love you through them

my love of you's been
reduced to knots

& not the kind that keep

or thoughts
love reduced to blinking
through tears that chase my sleep

I'm falling under reason

that I know so I should stop

but my heart won't stop it's beating
it's like my blood's refused to clot

impossible to forget
you knew I loved you all along

it was a bit of truth I needed
you couldn't give to me at all
sand-burnt chins
kissing sideways

i'm not suppose to

try not to die kindly
and I know it

my tongue's out

table of cups
gulp forward
nine of cups
destroyed

counting sips
backwards
becoming unwanted dessert
feeding off
learning you're no good for me

breakfast of champions
eggs saved for
someone different

not mine but
i spend batteries
clocking

wishing i'd inked the key
and you
meant more to me than knuckles
wish you
knew that
wish you knew what our love
*is
If I'm not told
I am not whole

I don't need your affirmation darling,
but some attention would be nice

mystery is only good for its journey

& I can't go around picking up nothing
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