182.5

The year has taken its last breath
As I’ve inhaled the air of new hopes
But with this end was also a renewal
The seed of our love has been replanted
In the midst of the bitter cold winter
And the pain of past mistakes sinks in
The music cradles me as I sway along
Like a leaf falling from a tree in the fall
My heart has sunken in again, with my bones
Yet I still have a feeling that this isn't the end
I see the brokenness in your eyes
As you feel the hurt upon my skin
We taste the passion, that bathes in desire
Yet with a match we set fire to it all
Watch it burn before us, as our bodies sink
My dear, the truth cannot be hidden
It's been 182.5 days since we've felt each other
And still we become like wolves in flames
Loving as the sky rocks the stars
And so I wait…for what’s another day
Compared to a lifetime with you

The days passed slowly in a drunken haze
As this sleepless delusion was set ablaze
My limbs weakened with the rising sun
While the spiders in my head began to run
Spinning webs beneath my sunken skin
Piercing my veins like deadly sin
Yet through it all my bones withstood
The war taking heed within falsehood
By words of Truth I found my sanction
Even as my spirit dies in such a fraction
And like the dead become living grass
My flesh will live again like sandy glass
But as for now this life consumes me
And I will work like the honey bee
Until the bitter taste on my tongue
Becomes the flavor of the purest young

the truth's not poetic.
I can't fight for you
when I'm being folded

I just don't feel
strong or
not stronger
just
some memories
wear black &

what's getting over when
i've stopped climbing ?
my feelings aren't
being tucked
they're
getting up

it's enough feeling
forgotten, (you'd think)
seeing her brush go
everywhere but the paper;
wondering if I missed something /
love makes me a believer in naive
less sleep, questioning everything.
questioning wander it's
no wonder I don't dream it's
games atop bodies
it's no wonder I drink;
I've been screaming for you
every day of the week
choking on salt from the waves
in your sea of bad timing

great love to me is frightening
it's all ache and burn
the
rearranging of breath & bones
justifying anything at all to see that
smile in front of me
I can't
rightfully explain it the way my knees can
or my
right hand but
I like to call it floating
I like to feel that &
sink at the same time \
it's confusing and beautiful;
hours become petals,
heartbeats are worthy and
it is cold settling after this.
it is unbreathable
when the warmth gets wasted

When you were pack\ing\up
》》Back to New York
I. was. so. ready... to let it go
But-then-you twisted it up
You dug^your^self^in^
,...at the very-last-moment
and SaiD allofthethings
I nev.   er // ev.  en knew;
{I wanted to hear}
so;,... youcalleddibs
And I thought. you. meant. it.
I went-along-for-the-ride
until I >could>not>dream>of>a>time
                   with out
                      YoU
And precisely once/I/told/you/so;
you van.      ish.            ed

You don't gettodecide
if. you. hurt. me; ....darling
that's enTIRE {d}ly
up to....Me

Twas the night before Christmas
Not unlike the rest
Just sitting here thinking
Quite lost and depressed.
Kaleidoscope ******
Of color and bliss
Resound all around me
But something's amiss.
Perhaps the bright light
That was burning inside
Has collapsed on itself
And silently died.
Perhaps now instead
Of a heart or a soul
I've only a sinister
Gaping black hole.

I terribly wish I could express my love
For you, without breaking my neck
I try to hold back the tears as they run
Down my cheeks and I choke upon
Every tear that expresses how I feel
So strongly for you even after the years
Yet I still bite my tongue and listen to
The songs that remind me of the times
That we so courageously loved one another
Regardless of the struggles we had faced
And still today I effortlessly try to hold
Back all the feelings that linger in my heart
While fear reminds me I cannot say
A word that dances upon my tongue
About the way I move with the sound
Of the mellifluous voice of which you posses
It will seemingly be a strain in my throat
A weight upon every cell of my being
Until I can turn back after restlessly running
Away from the only happiness I’ve known
The very truth I once lived in the past

you know from the moment
you
stop feeling beautiful
she said it
wasn't suppose to matter
and
I always want
what's
gone

& you're always gone
so what's beautiful
without your forearm
without our throats
& when I can't hear you

cause I'm not writing poetry
I'm filing a complaint
in a love letter
to your name