it's a front-flip
got away

align out thinking we felt like this
envying teeth
the way your bottom lip curls
I curve at your corners
climb inside
someone give me shoulders to walk with
legs to speak
I'm tasting you from behind my eyelids
cause my mouth knows better

I lay my lighter on the title written Fire
I crawl inside a bedded box
relieve my body of attire
I tend to sleep on the right half
(the left half needs sweeping)
I need to quit seeing you lying there
I need to quit this all-night-drinking

Now who's thinking for me while I think about you ?
certainly not the same brain
that's been trained
to think things t h r o u g h

what do I do now
wanting to do you
do I
sit sit in this room  
& bang myself blue ?
do I do myself stupid
or ask again what to do ?

I am through with it
i'm through
I know just what to do
busting through lust's must
I get fronted by the view
*this front of you

what could she say for me to lose you ... ?
i'm in a war against keep
fighting an army of loose truth
& if you win, who loses ?
& if you lose, do I approve blue ?
it isn't sane for me to choose clues
over an ocean of proved truth

what do I lose if I lose you ?
all of my come-trues
have become you
& if you lose me, do you lose ?
I'm not this someone to hold onto
we can expand views if you choose to
open a window or your mouth
either will do
not to confuse strews with don't do's
I am through with all this proving
I'm a wanter wanting all of you
ensuing all this sousing

can't pacify the mind through a mouth made for biting
cannot hide lies like it's night, darling the sun's always rising
I guess you could lie here if you'd like, with a throat so inviting
diving through oceans of blight, living off breaths from your prizing
I'd like to rewind time to nights, i'm surrounded by silence
It is in quiet I find, all of my time fighting guidance
it is in hiding that light finds the right to shine brightest
we're given only one life, why's no one rising and shining ?
I'd like to forget it sometimes
ignoring all signs of my plight
i'd like to just feel things sometimes, without having to write it
I'd like to feel you at night
now I need something to type with
I just want to feel you tonight
I am forced only to *write it

Here it is
the poem on survival, the one you've all been waiting for
where I learned to untie the noose from my smile,
my smile from the trigger warning.
Here's your trigger warning:

I shivered when you kissed me.
I had a hard time believing my heartbeat was a good thing; had a hard time
believing the front door was still an option.
I wake up some days and remember when I used to sing bruises onto my skin,
fill up large towels with my blood,
watch it go black,
watch everything go black.
Still remained smiling;
still stood with the scars; with the ink between my teeth baring
a warning sign for whoever comes next,
for whoever wants my body without wanting my mind.
here it is
here is how i survived:

I hurt myself

I still do it just doesn't show
the scarring.
here it is baby boy come inside its about to get ugly,
you're about to see me cry,
you're about to see me shake,
you're about to find out what im really made of,
I'm about to find out if you break.

are you scared yet
this is a challenge you never step down from,
you brave boy!
you with your sword and white horse;
shining at the darkness inside of me; shining at the stench inside me ; come here,
make me feel whole.

I was swinging on this swing
Like a child from the past
And these thoughts swarmed me
As the bees do in the spring

The time slowed, but I was happy
A blissful moment I yearn for
When my mind was running wild
But my heart was sound and still

It's in these moments I feel again
The beauty that living delivers us
Like the touch of sun after winter
And your flesh begins to smile

But this has passed and here I am
Again in this pit that I've dug
Where I think myself into a whirlwind
As I sink deeper into the hell I've seen

And so life goes round and round
Like a Ferris wheel spins and spins
But there is no such joy in this
Rather an empty hollow space I know

I'm in the void I ran from long ago
Wishing I would have stayed
Wondering what would have been
If only I accepted the reality I was in

My human self filled with chaos
Has brought me to the false present
That is really the death I've chosen
The very fate I've longed to escape

Yet somewhere in me waits for you
I cling to a hope that circles are lies
And there is a way to end this
That I won't keep ending back here

So as these moments of sleep
Pass me by like the wind in the fall
I will float like a leaf until I land
On the grounds my desire's dream

it is unwise to avoid certainty
i've turned silent for landscapes
made for deprived mothers
queens to deafening men
lost of their purposes
why have they hidden her crown ?

I have your legs
but we're running such antithetical courses
Mother, I miss you but I cannot come home
I gain weight
I lose sleep
there are no lovers left for me
the wind has an ancient distaste now
for all the nights I exhaled complacency
I want to sleep with my door open
I can trust anything under a Libra moon
but never another repeated phrase
me, you
the first place I swam, the first meal
this is trust
you are love

I never learned to love mountains
but I was born with memories of them
I was born in Florida

I've picked apart women that
didn't deserve or earn it
like petals
she loves me
she loves me not
she loves me

when did I learn to grasp ?
to keep
we should be taught instead to let go          
before we are learned to catch
so we aren't holding on so tightly

I strangled myself
I learned quickly to let go
& became grateful of deep-breaths
weary of knots
weary of nots

I refuse to be my own worst enemy
I am all that is mine. all that I find is fleeting. eventually all things will lift, just as they will be dropped or put down
to keep, ha !
walk into my room
I have nothing
it is easier to breathe like this
I don't like being alone with shadows  

we are all royal
skin and salt
iron and decay
bone over brain
over-thinking our day
we are alive
we are afraid
we are okay
we are okay
we are