Oh how you torture
depriving me of sweet dreams...
your snores irk the dead

my sweet baby Caesar
orange fur flying around
deep grumbly purr
light green eyes
judgmental and cuddly
introverted and quiet
you were taken far too soon
we'll miss you buddy
my caesar salad
my gingersnap snickerdoodle
my chicken nugget
we love you Caesar
rest easy now
the pain you were in is gone

Here ─
In the loquacious silence
Of the white noise in my mind
I knew I wasn't present

My mother was near ─
With her mind withdrawn
Absent to some place
That dated from ages ago

My father would disappear ─
Only to continue being far
Once he was back
Now travelling into the future


And I have gathered a life without
Now
Right
Here

I bite.
Not with teeth.
with silence,
with sharp glances,
with walls built higher than your reach.

I’m not cruel.
I’m just tired
of being kind first
and torn apart second.

You call it attitude.
I call it armor.
Because being soft
never saved me.
It only made the fall hurt more.

So I speak less now.
Agree less.
Trust less.
I pull away before someone has the chance
to walk out first.

It’s not that I don’t want love.
I’ve learned that even “I care about you”
can come with conditions.
Even soft hands
can leave bruises
you can’t see.

I bite
because once,
I didn’t.
And it nearly broke me.