I am wilted. I am weary.
I am weathered. I am worn.
I am stuffed with seeping sadness, and stewed in sticky, seething scorn.

I am deflated. Thoughts debunked.
And I am drowned in desperate dread.  
When I soak my roots in water, I find it dries them out instead.

I am wilted. I am weary.
I am wilted. I am worn.

I swim endless in despair
So that I do not drown in it.
I breathe only to breathe.

I am suspended in sunlight with no warmth.
I am surrounded by notes that make no melody.
I fumble, falter, fail.

Heavy as a raindrop whose cold
Penetrates deeply into loneliness
Is the air, the light, the lingering.

I forget too much.
I remember too much.
I am too much, and not enough.

A shallow pool is that in which we swim
A void wants only to be filled.
Misery takes us all.

It's ******* disturbing.

I wake up tired,
My body aching.
I just stop sleeping.

News, coffee.
Planet encyclopedia,
Thesaurus cigarettes
And dictionary breakfasts.
Slices of rhetoric
With some kind of spread of intellect -
For lunch?
Dissertative sandwiches.

Grains of perspectives
In something over-marinated.
I just stop eating.

It matters not.

I recall the faux weddings
That youth had adorn.
We were something like five or six,
Playing in her attic.
They had setup
A whole play marriage altar
Out on the back lawn.
My "bride-to-be"
Was dressed in her attire properly,
White veil & everything.
We had often played at house,
But never at matrimony.
It was always explicitly implied,
In such games,
That we were already married.
I did, she did -
You may kiss;
Sweet pronouncement!
Just as with half of all marriages,
We eventually grew apart.

Maybe it was the economy,
Maybe it was our goals;
Maybe it was because we were children,
Maybe because it was just for fun.

I still remember picking for eggs
At her home on Easter.

Take out everything.
Tear it all out of me.
Take out everything.
Rip it all out of me.

Take what you need.
Tear it all out of me.
Take what you need.
Rip it all out of me.

But you only feel it on the outside.
You wanna leave it where it stands.
You feel the squish and kick it aside.
And hope that no one understands.

You hear the yell.
You ring the bell.
You fight the battle.
But no one knows just what you want.

You scream the scream.
You rip seam.
You grip the paddle.
And no one knows what house you haunt.

But you only feel it on the outside.
It never gets under your skin.
You take your hate and put it in your pride,
‘Cause that’s the only way you’ll win.

Let out an impotent scream,
When nothing’s quite what it seemed.
You cry out, “victim of circumstance”.

You’re caught up on your hate.
Ignore mistakes that you’ve made.
All your misfortunes were merely chance.

But you only feel it on the outside.
You turn your head. You look away.
You favour peace for only one side.
I guess there’s nothing more to say…

I am the smog that suffocates you.
The weight around your neck that pulls you down.  
I am the words to humiliate you.
To push your face and soul into the ground.

I know that I will always love you,
Even as the knife comes down.
Never meant to put my needs above you.
The spear I ****** in won’t come out.

Please forgive me.
Please forgive me.
Please forgive me now.

I am the tool that tortures you.
That finds your soft spots and makes them bruise.
I am the score that marks against you.
That takes you down, that makes you lose.

Please forgive me.
Please forgive me
Please forgive me now.

the   kind that *****
the    breath   out of
the           highstreet

the kind of
     sicktothestomach
nothingnessforvalue
thingyouveevereaten

this year, it has been
ten years long. thatis
no witticism,now (if i
have counted every1
****** second that
has tugged my wrist
like a toddler/ticking
timebomb/ then it is
twenty thirty five). i
am  falling  apart  at
the ******* seams.
we're all moving fun-
ny,     like sense has
fermented &   i have
fallen,    scraped my
knee           on     the
c  h   o   i    c    e s    t
p    a     r   q    u   e t
floor     there           is

i paid nine pound for
a burger and all i got
was this stupid poem

The numbness post your yelling,
Was so telling
Of how I irrelevant I was to you.

You had forgotten the care,
That was there
You had tainted recollection of what I did do.

I cherished you, you cherished me.
But not really,
Hence you've already moved on to someone new.