I'm gazing at the lakes reflection
She's fishing and we're at peace with no questions
Shes everything I need
The skys clear
I've still got a fear
Stars are all I see
Waves are calm tonight
The lakes reflection got me some confidence
Not everything's difficult
I've got some hope because these are the best nights of my life.
I dont want it all to end

Dear Katelyn,
Sorry you got the worst of it.
Anyways I'm looking into the help i should take.
Appreciate you dealing with me at my worst.
Wish you were able to stick around whenever i do make it.
I'm going to get clean
I'm going to get help
I'm going to stay sober
I have to
I need to
I'm going to let myself fall a few times
But mama said it'll always get ugly before it gets pretty.
Mama also mentioned no one will last long enough to see a change.
Once they see a darkside they all look the other way

Once upon a job, I've gained a best friend.
Once upon a girl, she ****** off as if it's the end.
Gave me a warning, a painful debate led to a loss.
I guess I'll take my bies self off the planet, I'll forever love you here's my feelings you can shatter it.
I'm sorry for being more than enough, I understood your frustration but a debate between rejoice and friendship was tough. Your friendship with me had sailed, left me with no life jacket and my rejoice almost failed.
A Bies friend became my new name
2 week ***** became hers
If I've learned anything I must have been some *****
**** hurt when you left and I'm too afraid to get close to any one anymore
Now I'm a stranger

You can't trust the world. You're surrounded by a dark and gloomy place. You've got tears drowning your beautiful face. About to lose your faith but you shouldn't girl.
I've seen that fight in you, it wouldn't be right for you to allow yourself lose. I know there's no one to help, I'd a given it all I've got if I was there beside you. But not one or a few have a clue. Not even I can say I relate because we've all got a different point in our view. We picture a happy place but we caught depression with no flash. Now we wished for a happier mistake to take us back.
I understand that your nights are so dim, I can agree the other side of the bed is colder with no one to grip or hug. A false dream and no love. But without a struggle how will these lefts go to the right? How are we to win a fight. I've lost a lot to just conquere a battle. But I forget this isn't a game, but a conflicted war I better be more careful. But these battle scars gave me a reminder of some potential wins, just a man losing and winning step by step. If I was there I'd give you a hand and some light. Visiting that dark place left me speechless and emotionless and I would hate to see you in the cycle.

You think I'm cute and hot
But I'm really not
I admire everything about you
From the sideline I have the best view
Amazing personality
The best body
From the sidelines I am viewing a true hottie
I don't just feel the heat :)
The beauty knocked me out of my feet
Darling you're a natural beautiful girl
From the sideline you light up the field and the world

Go ahead and play me
This game is a ****** ending
I'm out here pretending
I not doing well
Haven't been in a while
Me begging and pleading for help ain't my style
I've got music
I've got smokes and beer for this crying session
Here comes a confession
I'm not okay
I struggle everyday
This is a ****** game i play
I always put others forst
I try to make **** work
My family is in a middle of a hate love relationship
Wanna hold on but I'm losing grip
Eyes dripping
Body shaking
Thoughts shrinking
Alcohol successful
Drowning and now impulse is unstoppable
Welcome back Nel,
You need to stop leaving
It's not like resecpt is something you're receiving
You know what to do go into the bathroom to start bleeding

I'll miss the conversations about life on the slow hours, I'll miss the smiles with coffee in hand.
A fresh ***.
DELTA 14, Will you please rest easy?
I'll mark you down
(DELTA 14 - 10-25)
I know we didn't have much in this small town.
But you sure always knew how to fix a smile.
Dispatch to Delta 14 Rest easy bub I'll be sure there is a *** of coffee ready every chance given to me.

The doubt fills my covers with warmth. I wrapped around to curl up. The thought of love gave me a chill, but I flipped my pillow over to hold it tightly. I began to doze off to sleep, I still feel a bit lonely. But I remembered to breathe because taking it at my own pace is free. I still work on my own anxiety. I took the time to turn on the radio, what am I going to daydream about now?
Do I sleep earlier to let the day fly or do sleep to forget? My love is out there somewhere...... she'll build my home with a warm place in here heart. That amout of heat will be my true desire place. But I've got to catch a few colds to get better.

He seeks a vibe, but after a bottle he kills the night. Loses respect, but more of a loss on his soul. He'll fight his flaws after he sobers up. He's destroying boundaries and he's ready to clean up. Drinking too much, a overflowing cup. Grandma I'm sorry I turned out this way. I'm do better, I'm lay low for a while. I'm a fight my drink, I don't need a glass to ponder or over think. Things will be okay. But how do I live? How do I cope? Most importantly how do I stop? I'm scared, but this needs to be done. His sobriety needs to happen. His mental health needs to let him free. Sorry for the ones I hurt, I need to fight my own battle before this bottle tosses me in dirt. Time for me to go to work. Grandma I'm sorry, I'm just lonely.

**** your apology, that doesn't mean anything to me. Truly not yours sincerely, couldn't believe I took you seriously. Just had to be poked, at first it was serious but now it's a joke. We met each others family, for a second I was happy. We dreamed of loyalty because we knew betrayel. But still under a storm now there's hale. Dreamt of love but it broke, now I'm woke. Under a nightmare that heart broke. **** your apology, now feeling like **** so I write in agony.
You decided to chill in the dark when I searched for you with a light. Drowned me under a burnt out spotlight. Now I'm to let it go, but for that I decided to walk away slow. False hope! Started off talking about ****** up **** we've done in the past. Worked on making this relationship my last. But she looked back, picked up the old habits to put it in my track. I tried to take a step just to trip. I guess I'll see myself next fall.
Tough talk after a change, in my past I admit my lies and cheating. But I learned from it, now her flaws had my emotions defenseless. **** a apology when I'm trying to be happy. Fighting mentally, worked together financially. For a 10 minute poke, now loneliness provoked. How am I to take you serious when I'm treated Like a joke? **** your apology, this is me trying to be happy.

Family's thinning
Complications increases
Help is becoming a myth
Debt gets higher
Struggling is a new skill everyone has
But you won't catch me bailing especially when someone needs a hand

We're all good people here
Laughing and dancing with a beer
We shout and cheer
Having a good time here
I might be a DD
But I'm pretty happy
We watch our own
Even though I'm to stay home
Would rather bring people safely home because that choice is my own
Stay safe everyone
We all just wanted that company
Worth bringing you home safely

Y'all live in luxury
I've still got nobody
Pass me a plate
While I drive to get a drink
Ight here we go listen to me
You can't just ghost somebody
To return with the words sorry
All though that's nothing new to me
I bet nobody can revive me
I'm something nobody can stick around with
Trust issues has me collecting victims on the regret plate
Sick of y'all being fake
My heart did break
I'm here picking up shreds with pieces cutting my hands
This is a dark cold place y'all can't comprehend
Okay time to pretend
Let's say I'm happy
Talk about a happy ending
I'm crying with a smile on my face
Not to mention!
Everyone will commit for a moment
While I'm making a new plan to settle
Next thing I noticed
I catch myself drowning again
Veins ready to split open
Crying so ******* hard I'm choking
Like I said you have it easy
I'm here not eating
Hardly sleeping
I stopped my meds cold Turkey
Dealing with all the pain slowly
Realizing I'm really lonely
No perks, all agony naturally
Like I said I'm fine
I'm happy
I'm okay
What's happening
Bet you can't say you watched someone die before your eyes
Then repeat the cycle for endless nights
Wanting to figure out your life
Bet you can't say you survived all the abuse
And show up to school happy
As if nothing happened
I failed to mention what happened with me in the after math
Tell me I'm handsome
Then leave me
Tell me I'm ugly to ghost me
Raise the young up
For you to drown
I'm no where safe
I'm watching all of you having it easy because y'all are fake
Try watching mama hurt you to tell you that you're her favorite
Then having dad threaten you man thats fake
We're all happy
I'm here hyperventilating hoping to be "okay"
I'm in a dark room writing
Oh, **** I hear the family fighting
**** it I'm a take some of my moms pills
Taking grandmas alcohol
Really ready for shots to fall
******* mean my life is something you envy
I'm barely not drowning
I just had practice
You can't tell me you had it rough
When you have love and a good family
Try watching siblings leave you
Try watching your family struggling with addictions and to be homeless
I've never had anyone to be with me
What can I say you're all luxury compaired to me
I can say more but I won't
Because lets be honest don't nobody wanna hear me out
So tell me something that you struggled with
Bet you can't say you were a addict and abusive
***** everybody for not helping me

You think kindness means a later favor
As if I wouldn't help later
Now you want me to write you a check on this paper
I thought we weren't like that
Sharp pain down my back
Here's my friendship to you I no longer want that
Kindness is a reminder of not having so much tough love
Good comfort and all the above
I'm a let the feeling sink
Drown my potential thoughts and grab me a drink
Redbull and kink
Kindness is now a kind mess
Now it's a lesson but I refuse to regret
I'm down to help as many as I possibly can
I believe I a decent man
We're all crumbling from something
Kidness is a beautiful reality check from a good soul
The hell with this cold world

So ******* dramatic
I'm guess you're claiming I'm the one noncompliant
Getting angry
Getting annoyed
Why am I helping the ungrateful
why can't I get help the ones trying to be successful
I just don't know
Getting ******
Where's my **** wish
Will it ever be granted?
Maybe a different life I'll no longer have to struggle by hanging by a strand

Locked in a room drowning in alcohol, but still feeling nothing at all.
Numb with emotion as tears storm my face, I wished I felt a feeling especially for a happier place.
I'll remember the smiles on their face.
Addicted to numb, wake up still feeling no pain.
Just cheeks experiencing the rain.
Tears fell, my heart aches for attention.
I don't say anything.
Everyone's breaking, my hands are shaking
I'm drinking to remember, waking up to forget.
I'm so sorry it was you who had left.
So young with a beautiful baby girl
I held her for the first time today and I felt the slow motion in my world
I went from numb to a heart break.
Love you man hope you rest well and mosh for me

Why do I have to lose my eye sight?
I've got tears drowning my sunlight.
Maybe I should just ignore me, myself, and I.
P.T.S.D & S.A.D ******* with me and my personality.
Trauma on repeat every time someone criticized me.
You've argued and assumed I'm a narcissistic sociopath.
Used my weakness as your strength and made me believe I'm a hypochondriac.
Just let me lay in bed silently. I've got enough mental struggles hitting me violently.
The sky is just as cold and dark as the bottles laying next to me.
Depression winning scars on my body, I'm just so lonely.

Super swipe to dislike
Can't find the real nor the Mrs. Right.
I can't believe this is my big rant
But I'm expected to be perfect but I just can't
What a joke from tinder
Can't find my winner
Many have added, non have committed
Now I am just mentally exhausted
I'd give it my best, a waste of a effort I'm a give it a rest
Oh sure I'm not a catfish
I rolled in a real one but I got dissed
Must of used a filter
I think this is a fake quitter
**** tinder
I'll make another account later and ***** about not finding my winner
Plenty of fish in the sea
But the trick is waiting for them to take the bait from me
But I'm a swipe of a dislike
False hope finding that Mrs. Right
Held up my end always for me to end up chilling at the club
Still on the search for some sort of love
End up dancing my shots with the homies
I guess love doesn't want to know me
**** a tinder
This battles lost but I'll be that winner

I want to cry and be held
But that's no longer a go to
Especially with the cheating i put you through
It was never okay
But I've changed before it was to late
I'm ready to isolate
I've got no where else i wanna be
I've got no one i wanna see
I guess you've nailed out some plans
Happy for you
Now it's time for me to try to stay close
Because I'm resisting the urge to beg for you
I'm in love and I'm in agony but it's what i get for hurting you.

As I attempt to move forward,
I catch myself going the wrong direction.
The temptations in my head lead me to self conversations,
but I hold back do to self motivations.

**** a temptation when I have myself.
I will throw success at my mental health.
Some have lost their lives,
Maybe they'll find themselves on the other side.

I avoid myself because I scare myself when I careless,
I've always wanted to avoid my regrets.
It got tougher when everyone I loved left.

From the day we met to the day you left.
Always had each other's back naturally.
Miss the way we'd take care of each other because we knew toxic relationships and misguided intentions.
You'd care for me like I was the last sincere soul in your life.
The way you'd doll yourself up for me, the way you'd put my interest of beautiful things into your nails.
Such as color, vibe, and what I thought was pretty in the moment. Hell at one point you got your nails done inspired by Tim Burton.
(You knew me well)
The smile you give me when I noticed those things. I was so gullible and so dumb to realize you went out of your way to make me go at awwww
Coffee breaks and lunch breaks during shifts. You'd follow behind me to clear sections for guests, you hosted my feelings to a safe place. You remembered how I loved my coffee and you motivated me to stay sober, to stop dipping, to stop smoking. To be at peace. But it was you that peaced me out. You had gone and left.

Dear siblings of mine,
I wish I was a better brother
Especially towards you viv
You've had it the worst
I always tried to take care of you forst
I've had nightmares about me hirting the hell out of you
**** man I hate myself for what i put you through
Man DJ I've hurt you too and for that I'm sorry
It'll be a bless to get forgiveness
I'm so caught up in agaony I ******* forgot how to be happy especially for others because I'm still selfish
Yaya I wish I could of been there
Especially when you'd call
**** man I'm the worst and all
I'm a bad brother
I wish I can accomplish **** to be better
I'm so disgusted with myself

Couldn't be any more sympathetic about these kicks. Walked plenty of roads with these. A greater distance with plenty of views I was able to see. Some good shoes taking care of my feet. Haven't felt anymore or less from the soreness that kept me on my toes. The new shoes will soon enough take me on another adventure. But I'll never forget the times I've spent slipping these on and off.

I can't talk
But my tears can
Maybe hold me or atleast my hand?
I can't control the feeling
Bet you don't understand what I'm feeling
Depression is all I'm receiving
These tears communicate words that my voice can't

You said you was not okay
I still texted anyway
Then you left without a wave
I wished I could of saved your day
Why must my hopes grow higher with you
If only you knew
I wouldn't ever stop loving you
You message me
Then ignore my responses.
I call you
No answer
You call me
I answer
I text you.....
Left on read
I'd pick you flowers but you leave them dead
But I still fight your demons that sing in your head
Shhhhhh
Now doubts about spread
Remember me before you forget

You said it's enough. You're sick of hearing me but I can't let go my love. You're everywhere to me, yet so far I feel like I can't breathe. We had plans where'd they go? I'm feeling so alone and cold. I can't eat and i don't really sleep. You say you're feeling eh but you've got your distractions. And some attractions. How do I go from here right now. Glancing at the images and picturing you next to me. My hearts broken, half tempted to split these wrist wide open. Every second is a battlefield. Wait a second my comforts have to yield.
Let me explain to you that I am not alright. I'm here crying but for myself I'm ready to fight. Tell me my new me is ugly. I know i use to be guilty. How long am I going to be the bad man. Was there even a chance? I'll apologize and accept these good byes. But watching and daydreaming is something that can't be done. Wish i was you're one. That should of been me making you smile the way i ise to. Making you laugh the way i use to. Kissing a smile holding you for a good while. Why does this hurt you less?

****, babes calling. I better answer because I don't feel like bawling. Of course they're mad at me. Why aren't we ever happy? Again with the questions about my past. I'm a ******* and this storm hit me too fast. **** I just want myself back. I use to be so strong, but now my strengths gone. My thoughts keep me silent. I give a opinion and they get violent. Gets worse after ***, I see you snapping your ex. I thought I was the best. I see that smile you used to give me after you text. I'm supposed to give it a rest? Why don't I feel the love anymore? I prioritize, you gave your priorities to a whole and then victimize. I still act surprised. I still can remember the good times we spent. But excuse the bad habits that cost too much for me to spend.  I ***** you and feel guilty. You **** me forcefully and I began to feel filthy.  But I'm needy. Sins with the pleasure, I wished we treated each other better. What's mine is yours and yours isn't mine. We fight, I lose. We make up, I'm still being used. Sick of the abuse. But to be honest...... physical pain heals the trauma don't. My tears would form for you and your friends to mock me. Does this make you happy? Then you wonder why I scream *******! With the amount of hurt you put "us" through. **** this I plan on leaving you. Id rather be homeless. It's my life, you don't own this. It's rough because it'll still be you I miss.

Remember when we'd go out with each other?
I remember when we'd compliment each other.
You're beautiful and amazing.
My heart wants to be yours.
Tuck me under your covers please,
Lifes brutally cold i dont want to ge sick.
Here lets go purcha coat.
Grab the keys we're goimg on a adventure.
I Love You I Miss You
My family is your family because they know you make me happy.
Remember when we spent Christmas at my moms?
She loves and adores you.
I'll take care of you, you're my priority!♡
Remember when we went for walks?
Lets do all this and get through it together
FOREVER
I need you back,
Remember when I'd write you notes?
I would love to do it agin
For you my hearts open
Remember when we'd hold each other despite what life throws?
I can assure our saftey
I adore you cutie
Remember when i said you are mine and mine only?
I do, i mean that sweetheart♡

Can I please be okay, sorry y'all I dont plan to annoy. But **** I'm really sorry i could barely make it. Here have my success y'all can have it. I don't want it because mentally it's not enough to pass. It's more than enough to fail. I'm at rough place where reality will just get brutal. I'm sure everyone here can relate, because I am now facing it alone. Always have and always will. Hello darkness how was your vacation?

I'm a worry about me
I'm okay with company
But just me and only me
That's the way it should always be
Let's see what I find and that brings comfort
Put in the work
That makes me genuinely happy

**** never works, I've been choked up I forgot how to use my words. I swear I've been bad luck since birth, probably will continue til I'm under the dirt. But I swear I've got some worth! I don't compare or compete my trauma from his or hers from better or worse. This isn't a race nor a challenge. I swear to God I'd help one in need. But for **** sakes I forgot how to feel complete. Just ******* lonely in all honesty. Last thing that never happened was some false hope, now I'm alone. Fat and broke. Just enough to get by, the last one I liked asked for every cent. But my attention had to be spent. I said no more and blocked the witch, I'm no one's ATM nor anyone's *****. If I'm being honest I'd rather have be alone, beats having a fake. It's just a shame there is so much potential, I just want to rise with someone and feel special. Maybe even.... one day be successful.

Sick of the subliminal hints
Sick of being the ugly man
No girl will understand
"You're friends cute"
Oh, not again
Need a beer open
I shouldn't have to interrogate
All that **** to take someone on a date
But **** it whats the harm
I can give you a list and you'll understand why my heart ain't warm
I'm in edge, ******* hardly sleeping
Who will take me apart next?
Never was happy because I'm down six feet deep
******* be killing my love
And my ******* was the only one that showed up at my own wake

I want to end it.
Pack a hand full of sentimental valued ****.
Then go elsewhere to split.
I want to end me
Nobody else can see
Cruelty
Now you're wondering why I'm so "Happy"
The ******* think?
I'm a step outside
Run into a dark forest
Looking for creatures that want to play
Maybe get taken a way
Invade a new space
Hearts bout to race
I'm a escape
No happy ending
Heres dark letters I'm sending
"Okay" "fine"
Are feelings I'm pretending
The voices in my head
Reliving nothing but regret
Wondering why they all left
Will someone just appreciate me?
I'm ******* ready to leave
Loneliness is all i achieve
Not including others
By why explain?
I'm a hide in this dark forever to play and pray and hope it's rains
Feelings burning in flames

Never mind after all it was just a kiss.
Let's just pretend my presence wasn't a gift. I'll just pretend I've also got a replacement & some one to chill with.
With my sweet words giving you a laugh, my sweets just now got bitter & I'm a turn my back. Every night I've learned to never wish, it's pretty simple to find a good night kiss. It was love on top of my wish list. But you're all playing with me so it's hard to find comfort with words you've never meant. I should of act out the words I never said. I refuse to beg, signs told me I should of been the one leaving y'all on read. Never mind the feels I've ever gave. But your betrayal would never put me into a grave. Never mind a fake promise I'm a adventure out for someone great.

My love for you can go from intimacy all the way to expressing everything verbally. If your attention found my direction I'd hold you closer. I want us to love each other, I would love to watch us grow older. With you I feel sager.
I don't think you understand how you mean to me. I believe I owe you my heart. I believe you deserve my attendance.
But darling you need to realize things will be okay. You don't have to hide away from me, you don't have to ignore me. My love maybe a mountain, but together we can climb. We can take a hike. Guess what.......?
The adventure has its mystery but....
Wouldn't the view be beautiful?
I think it'd be.
I have a trillion love and miss yous piled up ready to head towards you.
You're my hat to block the sun or the rain.
You're my blanket to keep me warm.
When am I gonna be your Bel to fight off the pain?
I don't believe you know how much I adore you in every sense of the way.

I want you to come home
Bring your cute personality and ignore your phone
I'll leave the night light on so you can walk to my bed
Lay next to me and I'll wake up kissing your forehead
My body naturally clings on
I've got the twinklight on
Come home baby you don't need permission
I'll keep you safe it's home not a mission
Come home to me
Let's love for all of eternity
We still have a journey
Please stay and keep my heart some company
I love you with all my heart
Now it's time to for us to start
We hit a pothole
We can climb out ya know
Come home
Please don't leave in the dark alone

The air dark with the weather cold.
In bed still stuck in my head.
Tossing and turning, holidays still burning. But I'm frozen.
Is this what it's like to be numb?
A rush of confusion as the hours burry me in my pillow.
Tears flooding, stomach growling, heart pounding, and I still have no motivation.
Go ahead and fire me.
Go ahead and hang out without me.
Go ahead and ignore me.
My eyes are a bit preoccupied anyways.
Cold waves, air suffocates me.
I'm paralyzed with depression.
I don't need no counseling.
Shhhhhhhh
I'm a try to sleep the world away.

You can't always rely on help to find a way out, whatever stands in your way may become your way out. Panic may be the first that comes to your mind. But anxiety with fear is a common feeling and it happens all the time. Words like you'll be fine, relax before you pass by. But I'd much rather seek out the worse because stars shine as they die out. Light isn't always the answer. You may feel like dying out but a new experience illuminates a new path. Just got to be ready to fight your way back. Failure is just a slower path to success, just got to take chances for a second of rest. What would you do?

She brings a mans hope
She's perfect in every way
But the man is shot down
she lost interest before a chance was even given