My face drowned under fire.
That liquid burns faster and smoother with ice. I began kicking rocks, down after a shot. Why was i here? Had plenty of other waves. Lost some friends without the chance of saying goodbye. Happens usually overnight. I've turned off my phone, just to feel away from home. I've gotten greedy, so needy. Always guilty of being selfish. When did selfishness become normal again? Evrytime things got so hopeless, I've raged myself out of control. All I wanted was a place I can call home. I've met some decent **** in the dark. Not all the world is so bad when most around you knows what it's like to fall apart. If any of them needed me, I've always shown. Through thick and thin..... I believe i understood that the most. I've became what hurt the most. I've gone down that dark road. No music to guide me home. No lights to keep me open for a ghost. I've haunted myself yet again. Away from a home, not knowing where to go. No love in sight, no lips of delight. Not a hug or a goodnight. A empty cold hand, not even a blanket.
I've doubted I'd make it. Always sparkling nights, my confidence crumbles and falls. Running away towards fire, dizzy, struggling to speak, I wanna eat, about to sleep, but surounded by company. I don't want another drink.

You've got me calm and crazy, just wanting to know you. You've got a hold of my attention, honey what are your intentions? I'm at awwe missing a girl i don't know. She's something amazing and beautiful. I'm drifting closer, but further. I'm afraid of drowning. Please rescue me, if I've gone that far. I'd for sure swim my best towards your arms.  I would always come from a far. I wanna know who you are? Have you always been this close but yet this far. Would you like to catch a movie or grab a bite from a bar?

I want to know you.
I've got great experiences to show you.
I want to miss you, A reason to text you.
To hear about your day, how you felt.
Darling im dying to know you.
Hold you with your fingers wrapped around mine. A treat but please on repeat but forever. If that makes sense. I'm talking crazy baby, im running laps around your smile lately. Darling get to know me, let's grab a cup of coffee. Smoke on a chill night, talking about our lives. I'll hold you tight!

Grandma i spend my nights plotting my next letter to send to you. I bet you're sleeping and dreaming. Dreaming of your hummingbird. I'm at home finding something to listen to you. I'd spent my nights drinking my life. I had wished I listened to your night. It's 4am here and bar close over there. Grandma i wish I was there. A drink of a beer on top of the world, dancing to Elvis tunes. Sometimes I wish we hadn't moved.

Bring me to the day I chose alcohol, where did I begin to fall off. I've blackout the right spots. Hit that so hard for a battle I've already lost. **** I've forgot. Warm me up in this headed conversations, I've lost the right to learn my lessons. Once in control, out with another bottle. Dad show me how to be whole again, my sister's are drain from me calling in. Rarely good news I've been lost at sea. Drowning under our feet. Tears forming, wrist bleeding, and some anxiety retreating. Never have I ever been so out of luck, atleast I got drunk. Killing my success, it's in the back of my trunk. Driven myself mad, I want out so dearly bad. I need to better me back.

You've touched me to avoid me, heart aches with the advantages of my body being used with no hesitation. Correct my intentions, this is a ****** situation.
Putting my persons pace in prison. Changing me with manipulation. Using my flaws as your charms. Open wide with fingers crossed I seek save haven. Some **** can't be forgiven. From a rise there once upon a fall. Guarantee whiskey shots and some fireball. The now me would go back to tell me. There's a beautiful girl waiting on my howdy. She's perfect in every way possible. The key to her is to fix myself. Correct that mental health. Do the success for me, little wins to gain that trophy. Sometime you have to stick to yourself even if it's a bit lonely.

Someone help me love again. Help me with a world that should be mine, the snakes bit me from the grass with some heavy venom that left me open. I just need some time. Stay for me as you'll ever possibly can. I'm getting bit alive. When I survive..... I'll be ready for her to mine!

Once I've accepted for her to barking out the calls. An obsessive narcissistic *******. I've made plenty mistakes darling I'm not all that innocent. But with you I saw improvement.  Put trust in your arms, squeezing the insecurities out of me. Bet your *** honey you're now past tense. Tell me how my efforts were your power and monopoly. Games over I've never played because it's easier to ignore. That should of been a sign to walk out that door. It's my house, I don't owe you anymore!

Just what I need. A comfort I wish to receive. Please invite me, that's where I'd wish to be. Hands always cold, comfort warm me. Wrap your warmth around my fingers. What a wonderful place of thinking. Dreaming!
Yes I'm dreaming of my perfect world, a amazing girl.

I visit the pictures you posted when we matched. December 15th on a Happy Sunday. I glance and peek at that **** like I won that lottery. You're a hottie, a baddy, my Ms Beauty. Howdy ma how you deeerrrrrring? You've got my dreams swerving, hair twirling, and world spinning. When you message me I feel like I'm winning. You should see my happy dance when you compliment me. Let's bake some cookies, watch TV and go for a drive. You may wear my hoodie, sorry for the cigarette smell I've some spray. I just want to hold you all day.

Love the way you talk to me, I adore every selfie. Enjoy the way you make me feel. Especially with a cute emoji, snap me, talk to me. Let's go catch a dinner and a movie! I've been very happy reaching out. It's comforting to know you feel in touch as well. I'd love to really meet. Being with you would be so neat. Catch me from falling off my feet. You've got such a cute emoji 😘

She said hello to me, she enjoys talking to me. But I'm a good.i prefer things idiot proof. She like that silly in me, I enjoy her conversations with me. I'm her goofy goober.

I've got no idea where I'm going with my life. But you've shared some of your light. The conversations, the selfie, the stories had me smiling all night. The feeling of nostalgia full of butterflies. A warm feelings that wrapped me around your fingers. Darling take me with you I don't want these moments to disappear. Tell me about your mom did she teach you how to be sincere? Oh honey I'd very much appreciate your company. You can always call me. I'll keep an eye out with a open ear. Baby just keep in touch with me. I'll be ready with open arms.

She's not bad, pretty **** good. If you ask, I'll tell you how she looks. She's the type to make you dinner. Smoke with you then chill out with you. I'd say that's my winner. A girl like her had e daydreaming, my lips began craving, heart was singing. She'd compliment me Handsome Mr. Ask me about my day and continues to smile at me. Very genuine and very peaceful I'm certain this is a win. If I can tell you where to begin, I'd be able to tell you how she makes me feel with the story of Ms Beautiful had me ready to settle down from beginning to a hopefully Never end.

Darling you've stolen the sun, it's in your smile. I felt the light through the cracks in my heart, that sweet breath you've given me. I wish you were here to accompany me. If the world forced my soul to fight, I'd look at your smile that gave me the light. No rules in a war, just somethings you can't ignore. Even if you've lost everything, your attention gave me strength to keep fighting. You're such a beautiful place to be, my ounce of happiness to keep me breathing! Darling please don't leave me. I'm running to safety, will you please bring me?

Truth is,
As cliche as my opinion may seem.
I'm stubborn but in a unique way.
I've lost a lot to be particular in my hesitations.
I've been through enough disappointment to know better.
But the truth is,
I'm more afraid of losing me in someone who wouldn't love me for me.

Having a good heart tore me apart.
With my face feeling that burning water. I swear it was liquid fire. But I'm drowning in defeat.  Can't stand on my feet. I knew love wasn't be easy. I keep busy. But a good heart gave them ice cold flames a wave. I'm shredding the shore pleading to avoid mental war.

I'll sacrifice my mental health!
In high hopes to gamble for true happiness. Darling let me go and let these demons in! They seek and feed off of my fear. Even if I'm " my own enemy "
I've written letters such as to my dearest agony. I've always lost me. This is an opportunity. Opportunity to take me away from toxicans like you knew. I'm trying to find my way to you.

Anyone else have a moment where your brain puts on a performance?
Then insecurities rehurse all the hurt you've fell in. Comparing each memory as a story debating which ones the worse. Losing count now am I now a fallen star? I've once heard the stars are dead but they blow out so fast. I think I'm laying down talk myself back.
In my guts I pull them out, give my heart a yell and a shout. Let me in, I've caused a sin. Don't even know where to begin. But I refuse to allow these intrusive thought's win. Once upon my happiness I've recognized a win. I've got family and friends that joined me along this dark street. A light under that tunnel was all that I was able to see. But lately these dark thought's caused me to hurt. My insecurities performed an accurate rehearse. I swore upon my MA since birth. Don't have me fooled I know how to be heartless because I was once fooled. I've tried so hard to sleep but insomnia kept me cool. What I'm trying to tell myself is that I'm at war with myself and I with you.

Life has mysteriously given me an opportunity to open up, I laughed out loud because I'm not doing that. She's pretty perfect, but I swore it'd all be worth it. Go ahead and allow me to take you out, call me and talk to me as if I'm yours. I don't wanna open up when you're not mine. I'm avoiding myself again, trapped over thinking again. Darling you're beautiful the way you are Ms. Someone I can hold and kiss. I'd enjoy your attention and flatter you with my charm, I'd like to make you my lucky charm. I am stubborn, I'm silly, and I'm pretty empty. But I'm also full of life with some delight. You're amazing especially with your gorgeous eyes. You admire me? Really? I'll be your guy. I just don't wanna open up until you're mine.

After all I've met this beautiful girl, the way she smiles I swear my chest twirled. We talk and laugh, she's bringing happiness back. Howdy Mr is how it starts, then these feels began to spark. I like podcast music baking (hehe) and teen wolf. Stop it mam I'd love it more for your company. Good morning honey! You're something I think of and I giggle like it's funny. I'm genuinely happy. Interested and involved, I love the way you meet up with you ma to watch some ball. But the Bacon burger was the OG Touchdowns for the onion ring! Miss beautiful I'm right here! Let's bake and enjoy a cold beer. Talk music and poetry to make the sparks crystal clear ❤

A beautiful picture, a beautiful soul. I think I can kiss her, then reach out to create some goals. I appreciate you being so consistent. My favorite words she said.
I adore her text, I enjoy the selfies. I appreciate her being so kind to me😍

We've all resented ourselves over some sins. Unfortunately this is where it all begins. Carry yourself till there's no fight left. Pack your words of wisdom and share it with your regrets. Accomplish your sorrows and be on your way. I understand its a war everyday. Tell me love, if I shared my feels in poetry form will you kiss my words on per page? Heads in the clouds and you've begun storming in your eyes. Letting me go must be a whole twisted world. I swear upon my journals I won't leave unwritten. I'll write the right way towards your beautiful hands. Even the devil himself flew me out of hell with his angels wings. I looked into his eyes and then understood the devilish stories in me.

She said life is difficult for the blind. Darling hold my hand I'll be your guide.
Difficulty or not I'll be that guy. Make sure you stay by my side. Reinsurance along the way, I promise you're doing good babe.

Ashley, oh my dear sweet Ashley.
How I miss you ever so much my dear.
The snaps, text, and even calls that use to save me and you knew well and clear
Do I ever miss your compliments and your son sending me love
I miss you baby
I still love you my honey

My sweet Cupcake,
How's it going sweets? You see my old man yet? How about Broccoli? I ******* can't without you ***, your "Bell" Has been through Hell lately. I never thought I'd miss your pet names so ******* much. Sometimes when I'm alone I always say those names in my head to stay focused. I used to be so ******* excites to travel the distance to see you let alone spend hours socializing on the phone or even sitting online with each other's company. Dear Lord I ******* miss that to the ******* moon and back baby. I wish to even smoke a bowl with you or even just have your favorite snacks with you.
(Strawberry cheesecake Danish)
(Cheez-It DUOZ Sharp Cheddar and Parmesan Cheese)
I have so much to say but can't even type them or write them or even let alone say them. But I will say this, I love and Miss and Need you Nicole Michelle Hammond.
Love always your
Bellion
P. S.
Sorry if I spelt the nickname wrong, you never taught me how to spell it xoxo love you cupcake.

My eyes don't see past this tunnel of silence, but the tears silenced through this tunnel. It's peaceful and I'm still pretty anxious. Can't tell if this is a sign or a blessing. I'm pretty cautious but I'm also good at forgetting. If I had my way, I'd not change a direction on my map, there is now way of bringing or changing the past behind my back. **** a episode I do this feel like binging these manic moments. I'd rather be somewhere happier for me to forever enjoy it. The past gave me the power of strength and weakness. It's up to me to find self forgiveness. I'm trying to find a new direction and I'm running low on cigarettes. As long as I keep busy I guess I can be careless.