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She's gotta be ready for impulsive dates
She'd have to be fine smoking with my family
She has to have faith in me
Let alone be interested
Long nights in
Conversations sporadic
I want to love and adore her so badly
Make plans, live life, then allow ourselves become one whole.
But hers the problem with modern goals.....
No one wants to put in work
Dating apps need to be buried in the dirt
Maybe I'm not meant to be around here or the one hasn't moved near me yet?
A question I think to myself a lot
She's gotta be great with kids
Has to be patient with my best friends shenanigans
Someone I'd be happy with
Maybe even have a kid with
Where the **** are you babe? Stop playing and come find me! Single life ***** ***!
Her eyes are warm to the glance
Her personality enlightened a safer direction
Her face beautiful asf
Empty words shot out in a text
I've got no clue what to say or do next
I don't mind waiting, I don't mind keeping a distance
Just need to know
.
I've spent a lot of time learning to let things go. Had so many people in my life walk out with out any goodbyes. Sometimes I'm mad, sad, happy, or even curious. The closer I am with anyone taught me how to stay isolated, I sure hope that makes sense. If not here's the beat I can describe the intention......
I isolate myself so others don't need to have another concern hovering over their conscious.
Somedays I wanna cry, somedays I want the whole world to see and feel how happy I am.
I laugh at myself crossing paths with people that simply don't care anymore.
I laugh at the monster I used to be.
Hell I laugh at my own ******* depression.
Till tears crumple.
I'm ******* lost without the people I've lost over the years. But I'm going to enjoy the bitter sweet moments humanity still offers me. I'm going to live and allow myself to be found....
Whatever that means.
Nellie 55 Apr 23
I'd pick you flowers from the field
Words from the most amazing individual I've met in my life
A independent woman to treat anyone right
Genuine beauty
Genuine soul
Unique and beautiful
R.I.P forever with hopes to cross you again
But until then I've been struggling with the world lately
Hanging on barely
A beautiful tragedy
I'm trusting less
Living to forget
Always depressed
Now I'm wishing I was in a field picking flowers for someone to love and adore me
Remind me what it's like to be happy
Fighting off the world during rotation
I'm at war with my imaginations
Loved ones checking on me
I've forgotten to live my reality
Pick me flowers and leave them by my journals
I'll be back later
Nellie 55 Apr 11
Grandma i spend my nights plotting my next letter to send to you. I bet you're sleeping and dreaming. Dreaming of your hummingbird. I'm at home finding something to listen to you. I'd spent my nights drinking my life. I had wished I listened to your night. It's 4am here and bar close over there. Grandma i wish I was there. A drink of a beer on top of the world, dancing to Elvis tunes. Sometimes I wish we hadn't moved.
Nellie 55 Apr 9
The sound of stress when you're humming
A beautiful bird has been summoned
Tell me more about that hummingbird
Seems like when I'm distress a bit of you sings a hum for me too
I wish that I'd be able to fly to you
Hugs and love
To the moon and back
I miss my grandma wish she'd take me back to a time when nothings all that important
Just a adventure jamming to some Elvis and watching VHS tapes to enjoy a night
But lately my worlds crumbles I'm losing a fight
I swore upon fallen angels but this hummingbird took flight
Is that you're spirit guiding mine?
Lately I've been avoiding the world like a plague
Wish I was back home in isolation instead
I revisit movies, I relive some moments, and I jam like my world depends on it.
I began humming in hopes your hummingbird rescues me.
Nellie 55 Apr 9
Bring me to the day I chose alcohol, where did I begin to fall off. I've blackout the right spots. Hit that so hard for a battle I've already lost. **** I've forgot. Warm me up in this headed conversations, I've lost the right to learn my lessons. Once in control, out with another bottle. Dad show me how to be whole again, my sister's are drain from me calling in. Rarely good news I've been lost at sea. Drowning under our feet. Tears forming, wrist bleeding, and some anxiety retreating. Never have I ever been so out of luck, atleast I got drunk. Killing my success, it's in the back of my trunk. Driven myself mad, I want out so dearly bad. I need to better me back.
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