She’s talking through my dreams again
Always the same as she’s always been
Dressed in distress and decadence
Soaked in hate up to her lovely dress
My favorites threes since
My second, better death

Forever her eyes up to the sky
Above her head a broken halo shines
Infinite repeat so easily broken
And that’s when I hear the words
She’s finally spoken up to me
With the slyest grin

“I’ll cook your heart inside of mine
Drip into every atom of your mind”
As scared of her as I should’ve been
I could not resist and let her into
My broken arms, so full of sin
Caked with blood and my lasting regrets

My troubled world starts to crave pain
The dream begins and I enslave her
Scarred and beautiful as death in her skin
I behold her true but is it only… because I’m lost?
Or am I lonely?
Without a soul to bind me
I’d leave this place all behind and say goodbye

But where I fell is where I stay drained of will
And in my dreams she never fades away until
Opulence in impurities and confident insecurities
Have ravished her frame from days on end within
My fevered lust, which has come betrayed with truth
And lies, I turn to her “I love you still, but will let you loose
Upon this world as I’ve done before- never return to me
Anymore.”

But then, she returns again.

© 2014

I don’t know whether at once
She was happy or infuriated
When I saw her, as I’ve seen her cry before
But in joyous confusion I consoled her
Caressing her fear and loneliness aside
Along with the hate raging inside her tears

Talks for hours consumed us yet again
And sleep never followed long into the night
Replaced with eons of lost laughter and joyous memories
At least… that is what I’d wish for her.

I do admit that this is only just a dreamt folly
As she continues her days without thought
Of the mistaken one that longs yet for her
But unable to show outside of simple lines
Known, unknown, cared and uncared
These words reach out to grasp a wisp of sound

Tumbling longingly into the memories once had
Now without thought I myself write about her
In mistaken hopes of gaining that which should not be gained
To heal a decade of wounds that cannot be healed
And so I only write, neither with name nor truth but my own
and hope her life prosper without falling back into my arms

At least… that is what I wish for her.

© 2014

The peace had lasted quite some time in
The shallow corners of my tiny mind was
Utter silence of the oddest tune.

Did I crave your voice to ruin the
Tranquilities which were pursuant since
You left me for nothing less than fine?

How I could wish for a great calamity
Of wind and fire, of earth and sea to
Upset this lonely fate of mine.

And yet here you stand again with
An open hand, slyly hiding a grin on
That unmistakable face of yours.

But just where have you gone- better yet
Where have you been?
What exactly have you done- and just how
Many of them are sins?

In an amiable attempt to reconcile, I saw
You relent and caught a smile when you
Offered your hand in an earnest jest

I questioned you and this sudden change
The pieces laid out as if a game was played
And they were all in your favor.

You’ve been so fond of clever tricks and tease
And I felt implored to take my leave of
Your haughty presence at once

But despite the awful things I’ve learned of you
Somehow my thought keep drifting to the
Wishful corners you occupy in my mind

Who were you now- better yet,
Who have you been?
Why exactly did you return?
And why do I keep letting you in?

And in my quivering hands were yours entwined in mine
And despite all that I’ve said, I chose you every time
And every time that you leave because I’ve said goodbye
You come back again, to stand in front of my own eyes.

For lack of better judgment, and lack of better taste
I’ve come to accept this fiendish look upon the face


Of myself in this mirror.

© 2014

She was dressed like a sweet mint candy drop
And roaming through the aisles as if to shop
For a new adventure and a brand new taste

Caught up no less than a romance film’s drama
A little boy that was ‘fresh from his mama’
Out to explore the Candy Store one day

And the aisles slept like a movie reel running
Just to end when the suspense starts coming
A thread of taffy that could be called ‘love’

But who could surmise that the taste was such a dud
And that both candy hearts had trampled through the mud
Just like a thousand little wrappers on the ground

Felt it like it was just another yesterday
When his candy heart was on display
And he could see the joy twinkle in her eye

For the life of him, he could’ve seen it coming before
As it she let it slip and shatter on the floor
The moment she finally said “Goodbye.”

As I fail to subdue my demon
I separated the instruments I craved
I’ve dripped and spattered
I cringe and spasm
Another comes again and again

As I fail to repel my demon
I covered up their flaws
I’ve wrapped and bandaged
I hide and wonder
When the next will come again

As I failed to overpower my demon
I exposed my every wound
I’m tattered and torn
I revel and dance
As it emerges through me again

As I have become my demon
I’ve nothing left to hold back on
I regret and revile
I judge and remorse
And wait to become a demon to my own again

© 2014

I'm ashamed to believe
I thought you had answers to questions I had to ask
But learning of you, I've questioned you more
And now I’m wondering why
What do I do?
Can I pay the price when you say it’s due?
The tricks of the trade that I thought I knew
You've seen them all because they were no use
But despite all the conclusions that I've come up to
You've defied every one and there's only one left
That I can accept

I’m ashamed
This firm assumption I can always defend
Till the end
I'm ashamed
For what I've taken from you to use
Because I’d take again and again

I'm afraid to see you now
Avoiding every glance to make it safe somehow
Detoured and yet again, I’m cornered
Because you're at my every turn
And I’m wondering how
How did you come true?
For what have you've gotten this close to me to do?
And have you gotten what you needed to?
Now this push's come to shove, still I lean on you
There's nothing else that I've come to trust
But you've never lie to me, yet I knew
That you’ll betray my instincts again

I'm afraid
This constant fear that I've gained from you
You're gone, but even then
I’m afraid
You'll come to collect when my price is due
And I'm running again and again

I know there’s no use; I would have never won
You’re far too kind to chase me every time I run
The days never end
But now I’m giving myself back to you
To end this eternity
Despite all you could've done to collect me

I'm ashamed I'm afraid
I'm afraid I'm ashamed

The mongrels had come to pick me apart
But then I had learned of the darkness at heart
I'm ashamed

The snow of that day where you've carried my will
The dead are still scattered and the earth barren still
I'm afraid

You've come to collect, yet I still run away
I thought I could live out the last of my days
I'm ashamed

Here I surrender and my heart is my key
My life's torn asunder, in hell we will meet
I’m afraid

© 2014

It was barely just a thought
But it circled like a vulture
I never meant to give it more
Than a scrap of a voice

It was barely just a word
But it dragged you down
Weighing like a feathered stone
At the lobes of your ears

It was barely just an inch
I saw you move just as quick
I scarcely breathed the moment
And saw you disappear

And it was barely just a year
Until I heard you return
And the vultures are waiting
For barely just a thought again.

© 2014