hello again, my fateful friend,
your visit is alarming

your smile still as charming

i wont let you keep on reading,
keep on seeing and peeping,
let you keep on being
a little tom;

boy you sure know how
to push every button somehow,
but hey this is getting kinda long;

now don't go getting greedy,
after all you love the feeling
of knowing you're her --
-- at least this time around.

all my sadness falls away and so do my senses
i'm feeling pretty senseless
my mouth is pretty reckless
my tongue is doing dances and there's a weight that's been lifted
clothes are being shifted
i'm feeling pretty gifted

here i am
wet from my torrid affairs
thinking about forgiveness

where am i
heading if not to the gardens
to peace and everlasting life

its always everything all at once
there's no break
no reprieve

so please express youself away from me

trusting him is easier when i force myself to not look
because prying eyes aren't the eyes to get lost in

trusting him is easier when i dont listen to my gut
because above all else i want to keep him

the way he kisses me, sometimes..
it leaves my toes curling,
those butterflies churning,
and I'll tell you, I've never felt so alive.

i ******* miss him.

i like the quiet simplicity,
and i'm lost some where in my dreams;

tempting me is a life unfufilled,
a world where there's just you and me.

all my days spent
i'm at my wits end;
struggling to love
or to leave a friend

the days go by
like a storm in the night; unnoticed

i can cut you out
like a cancer
consuming my heart

but that doesn't mean
i'll forget you
and everything you are

in my time away
i've been thinking
if love is love
why am i sinking
under the weight
of loving him

it's kinda sad now really,
that such a fleeting feeling,
can mean so much the moment that it fades

and i'm really quite agreeing,
to the words that could be meaning,
that it's up to me whether I choose to go or stay

in the loudest moments my truth whispers
to silence the noise of a voice
that only does me harm

and in the quiet i hear him
mumbling his truth

i don't love you

soft off-white pages,
velvet leather spine,
wrapped in cloths of silk,
with edges, gold inlined

its the lightening strikes in the dead of winter
snaking down my spine

its every blistering wind howling in the night

my dominos are all lined up
and waiting for the drop

its those cutesy rhymes
always in time
to shred my shriveled soul

all those pretty words
left unheard
may as well rake me through the coals

so might make a second account that's anon and just write the most foul **** in my mind there? is that better than posting it here-- not even up for debate actually my friends and s.o. read this **** from time to time so even though i'm pretty good at subtle imagery the most ****** up thoughts i have just can't be twisted into blooming flowers and ocean waves so.. you'll never know if its me or not but i'll definitely know if you find me.

mascara running like painted lines down my face
almost like i did it on purpose
almost because i did

the sun does rise every morning,
just as it sets every night
the bad times have passed me by, and now
the sun ushers in the light

dreams are just dreams
until they mean something
promises are just words
until they're broken
your heart is just an *****
beating inside your chest
until one day you find it's left
behind a gaping hole
your dream the night before
now foreboding

I know the moments fleeting
this sick and awful feeling..

eyes half shut and
lips parted
his sweet loving
coating
my tongue

my lips are numb

I was wrong
love has conditions
one of them is to please
not tease
and
if
I

can breathe
I'm doing it wrong

I tell myself I'm better, the best I've ever been!
then why do I still feel the same?
a stranger in my skin,

I've lost all will to live, deserted my wishes to the wind.
I know in ways it's not so bad,
but who am I to win?

I tell myself I'm better, at least the best I'll ever get.
because when things go up,
they come back down,

and by then I'll be dead I bet.

I feel alone in my sorrows
like no matter how many times,
you can't possibly understand
because you're too good at being you,
while I'm stuck being me
and the unfairness of it leaves me feeling lost
I don't want to make you feel as I do,
no I just wish there was a way I could show you
help you see clearly inside my heart
I know it can be dark in there but
who else can I show myself to if not you?
I need help
I feel sick
where


are you?