The family all together over the holidays
It's always been a happy time
And that
Is really all I want
To feel that pure joy I always used to this time of year
Once again
Without those broken moods
Interfering
Because my inner demons
Have already taken every other joy in my life
And wrecked so many things that should have been perfect
PLEASE
Don't let them take Christmas too

Some fears are paralyzing




1. We need to talk


2. A random text message from him


3. Passcode incorrect

To the girls who are secretly so broken
You WILL be alright
I know you have scars on your soul
Maybe your heart
Possibly your wrists
None of this is your fault
And even if you think it is
Let it go
Not that you can, that easily
But try
I know you are broken
I know you're not okay
Especially when people ask how you are and you answer "I'm fine"
When what you really mean is "I'm alive"
But what do you really care about your own survival anymore
Well I just want you to know
There is beauty in broken glass
And to me
There is immeasurable beauty
In broken girls
So don't you ever forget
You cannot be defined by pain
You're too beautiful for that
Stay strong, broken girl
Nothing is ever really broken

"I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead;
I lift my lids and all is born again.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

The stars go waltzing out in blue and red,
And arbitrary blackness gallops in:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed
And sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

God topples from the sky, hell's fires fade:
Exit seraphim and Satan's men:
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.

I fancied you'd return the way you said,
But I grow old and I forget your name.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)

I should have loved a thunderbird instead;
At least when spring comes they roar back again.
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead.
(I think I made you up inside my head.)"

Poem.
Delete.
Repeat.

If your life is anything like mine college is going to be the worst three years of your life
Its day one now so pay attention you won’t believe how everything falls into place
Everything dances outside of your hands you have no control here
Pay no mind to the girl who held the door open for you
As you first step foot into this place that you can’t wash out from under your skin
If your life is anything like mine she is not important just yet
But don’t worry she’ll break your heart later
You have two classes on Wednesday and you will suffer through every minute of the first
You aren’t used to so many people talking so loud in such a confined space
But its only temporary well at least thats what you tell yourself
There is just enough time to get dinner before your second class starts
Somehow this leads to the classroom number changing last minute
You’re late one of the last to arrive at least there is an open seat in the back
Watch out for the broken girl sitting in the second to last row on the right
Aisle seat so she can get out and run when things get bad
If your life is anything like mine you will fall for her
I’m so sorry there is nothing you can do but wait and suffer as she digs a hole in your heart
She is the first friend you’ll make here and she will be the first to toss you aside
Just as broken as she was when you found her
You don’t know if you’ll ever see her again and you panic as the semester comes to a close
But she breaks you so easily and the last day of classes you spill everything
She doesn’t know what to say and the two of you hang barely gripping each other
This lasts for a year and a half until she finally chooses the words that tear the veins out of your arms
But if your life is anything like mine you still see her all the time
And things only seem to change for her
You barely pull yourself through the semester and everyone knows it
That smile you fake isn’t nearly bright enough to cover the bruise
Now remember that girl who held the door for you on your first day of school
If your life is anything like mine she will pine for your attention and I don’t know why
But you’re so broken now and you fall for it
Its so hard to see clearly when theres blood pouring from your mouth
And your lungs are covered in tiny pieces of her name
Now you’ll fall for her in two parking lots trying to find stars in the cloudy sky
And you will affectionately call her Bambi when she stumbles like a wave out of place in the sea
Everything is perfect for three days and I hope you savor every second
Because every bit of strength you can find now is from what you can recall of her
It doesn’t matter what you do she will push you away with tears in her eyes
The problem is she is two people in one
You weren’t her painkiller like you were afraid you would be she was yours
She will be gone within the week but you won’t find out why for another year
Because she never bothered to tell you that she prefers girls
If your life is anything like mine I don’t want you to read this
I don’t want you to know how broken you’ll feel
And I don’t want to tell you that things haven’t really gotten any better
But if you’re anything like me you can push on another year and a half at least
Things still might change but I can’t promise they do
I haven’t been that far yet
*~W.C.