you painted constellations on my body with my own blood and i thought it was a masterpiece. i let you take every part of me that made my body a whole, and i let you break them down into tiny pieces before you crushed them into dust.

i’m not trying to romanticize us or our pain, but when your hand wraps around my throat, i swear i can see the galaxy when the darkness consumes my blurry vision

i still moan your name in my sleep and fist fight the demons that you sent my way a year ago just so you can get back at me

how does it feel to ******* blood on your tongue? you’re trailing wet kisses on my bare hips as if you’re mapping the devil’s lands

and i think i’d let you break me again if you asked politely.

my heart is thumping against my ribcage
i feel the pulsing in my veins and the flickering between my eyes has me buzzing like a bee

my hands are cold
if they touch you
you’ll just freeze
and don’t even think about getting near my soul
you’ll just get frostbite

even though i’m warm flesh and blood
i don’t agree with the whole idea of love
and how we need it to survive
love has always been a kick to the gut
and i’m coughing up metallic

i’m begging you not to go
but shoving you out the door as i do so
you don’t know whether you should stay or leave
so you decide to take the easier route in the decision making
and you just leave

because you don’t want to deal with the anger i have towards myself and the resentment
so you leave
and i’m left with a hole in my heart

it’s faintly beating
but it’s still there

so i’ll let my therapist take a seat and get her notepad and i’ll lie about how i’m fine and you’ll lie about how you didn’t see the warning signs.

i really thought you were the one for me. i truly and utterly believed that you were my soulmate and we were going to be happy. i gave you everything i could offer and you took it like a greedy man and gave me nothing in return and left me with nothing. how selfish can someone be? i never knew how bad of a person you were until i saw your true colors. how are those other girls tasting now that you’re single and don’t have a girl waiting for you back at home? how are the liquor bottles tasting too? still getting drunk off something that’s not my words? you’re pathetic. you’re broken. and i cannot fix you. i wish you would see how much you’re hurting me. stop texting me please. i want to move on, and i think you should too.

it’s crazy how two years ago, we were calling every night just to see if we could see each other because we genuinely missed each other’s presence.

now we only call because we’re alone and filled with lust.

our stomachs are filled with words that we are too afraid to tell each other
and i’ve pretended to go mad so i could tell you about the things lingering in my brain because apparently in the midst of chaos, you’re allowed to spare some honesty.

and i really hate to see you this way
depression and anger oozing from every pore while you rub neosporin on your self inflicted scars

you’re such a wreck, and people make sure you know that.

but i wonder why you never tell them that i was behind the steering wheel.

lately i’ve been spending my days sitting in the dark wondering if i was the one who pulled you under the tides, or if i was the lifeguard who brought you back to shore

i promised myself i wouldn’t turn you into another poem
but it seems lately that’s all i’ve been doing

i can’t help it.
you’re my muse.

you reminded me that even in our darkest times, there will always be light. and we shouldn’t fear what lurks behind the shadows

and maybe i should stop searching for you in every man i meet

and maybe you should stop searching for girls who resemble me in some way

whatever we choose to do with our lives

i will always love you the same.

we’re fighting again.

and i don’t know if the chill in my bones was from it being cold, or if it was from you screaming you hated me before the line went dead.

i tried telling you something that you wanted to hear, but it seemed as if the words that were coming out of my mouth was gasoline fueling the fire within you

you’re always angry
and i’m always sorry

the silence has never been so loud
and my anxiety has never been this overbearing

and baby, i don’t know where our love is hiding
but i’ll let you know when i find it.

we loved each other so violently and relentlessly
we danced with each other’s demons
and kissed each other’s scars

we were so utterly consumed by each other
that we both forgot we were in hell.