i have a throbbing aching heart in my ribcage that’s being accompanied by heaving lungs that are craving fresh air

i don’t know how many times i’ve lost my mind in the past hour, but i know i’d lose my head if it wasn’t attached to my shoulders.

your smile is making my knees weak
and it’s making aphrodite weep
it’s a beautiful reflection for firework eyes  

these are the haunted hearts we melt over
we’re melting on your cold tile floor
and i apologize for the mess

i’d wear your bones as a necklace
because i reek like death
and have your blood on my satin dress

but darling, don’t you know i’d die for you?

you have always burned bright, my darling angel, what is it that you’re hiding in that flesh and bone of yours? what is it that you’re fearing?

you always told me that you were so unloveable, but darling angel, i loved you until my bones began to ache and my beating heart could no longer fathom another person.

my hands playing with the fingers on yours seemed like a perfect masterpiece as we laid there on the trampoline in the middle of the night, talking about the world we never understood

you thanked the universe at night for it being me to you. i thanked the universe for finally being on my side.

but sometimes life can do terrible things
and now i’m crying to the thought of heartbreak while you said i ruined poetry for you

but being with you was euphoria
losing you was the unwanted comedown.

you make me so aware of how unfair i am to myself by loving you, it pains me to not be able to just rip you from my chest, to take you and pin you to my refrigerator just like all of the rest, a mere memory of what i felt for you instead of having you invade my body with thoughts and a touch that never breaks the surface because you’re more than two worlds away and it makes me feel pathetic.

god, you make feel like i can have the world at my finger tips because it wrapped so easily around yours. you drive me absolutely mad, but at the same time, you’re what keeps me sane. don’t ask me how that works, it just does, and only you can make me feel this way. i’m so lonely, and i lost almost half the time, the thought of you grounds me and nails my feet to the ground but tell me, how can i love you even when you’re not around?

you’re the boy of my ******* dreams, sweet and oozing with charm, ****, just take me now why don’t you? you don’t know how much i’d give to have an ounce of your love. you don’t look my way, most of the time it’s in my head if you do. i like the idea of being with you, but maybe it’s just the thought of not being so alone. i’m so sick of being ******* lonely, it’s devastating. it always seems to creep up when i’m in bed, it’s like me dipping my toe in the ocean before being utterly consumed by the tides

i hope you hear the angel’s song and i hope it helps you sleep at night because you being happy is what keeps me at ease.

you are somewhat of a ******* and how disgustingly i adore it. pathetic.

you are a moment too big for me. i’m caught up in insignificance but not because i deem myself unworthy of your touch, i just think you’re phenomenal. an angel in disguise. you live in a moment of ecstasy, and before i can even blink with my own eyes, you are gone in a cloud of smoke. you take my breath away like it belongs to you.

i always end up in a big pile of word ***** when it comes to you, words flow out of me like i had acid in my stomach and it’s purging into the oblivion. as it calms down, i’m now just sprawled on the floor, it’s freezing and my bones hurt.

so please deal with me while i talk about the universe and about a love that i may never have.

you never loved me but i keep on loving you until my bones begin to ache with the apprehension and i keep on worshipping until i believe there is no other god. i know deep down, i'd put a bullet through my brain if you ever rejected me. or maybe i'd put one in yours. and deep deep down, i want to slit the world in half and make you choke on its blood because i'm choking on all this infatuation i have for you. i adore you, and the thought of you not ever wanting me is eating me alive like maggots eating a decaying corpse. i wish i could tell you how much you're ruining such a vile and rotten young girl with just one look. lick the venom off your gums, baby and get faded off my blood.

counting the squares on bathroom walls as i sat in the bathtub with my clothes still on. this seemed like a daily routine. get drunk, cry, get in the bathtub, cry some more.

i never thought i'd end up here. wishing i was dead because of a man that had fire for hands and a blade for a tongue. i thought i could fix him, but while i was putting his pieces back together, he was picking apart mine.

the steam from the water is filling the room and i let out a dry cough, throwing my head back as my eyeliner and mascara run down my cheeks and my hair is soaked, the dye bleeding on my skin.

do you like it when i hurt, mi amour? do you like it when i cry these pretty little tears for you? you always said i looked pretty when i cried. so right now, i must be drop dead gorgeous.

hugging my knees, shaking and trembling as my grandmother knocks on the door and screams i'm taking too long but i can't mutter a sound so i stay silent

the door opens and the mess you made is revealed. my lipstick is smeared on my face and i look like a wreck, grandmother screamed at me to get out of the bath and turn off the shower. i look like a mess. at least i can reflect what's on the inside, nana.

my hands are shaking as they reach and turn off the water, but i'm still sitting there. grandmother throws me a towel and says she'll get me some fresh new clothes.

i'm sobbing again. how pathetic. all i do is cry, but you're not any better because all you ever ******* do is lie. what have you lied about these past few weeks? did you tell another girl you loved her so you can get her body into bed? did you leave her bare and exposed in a hotel room and made her have to call her mama at 4am? oh wait— too specific?

grandmother helps me out of the bath and wipes off my makeup with a wet cloth, she's telling me whoever made me feel this way is tan jodidamente estúpido!

i agree, nana. he is. he's on a whole other planet and he needs to come back down to earth.

in fresh new clothes, i lay in my bed and my sister asks me what's wrong. i can't tell her that it's him again, i told her that for the past three weeks.

i run away when i don't know what to do, so i grabbed my bag and left to a motel room. sitting on a ***** mattress, i throw my head back and it takes me back to the times where my head would fall onto the pillow from the amount of euphoria and ecstasy you made me feel when your head was between my thighs

i gag. i cry. i cough. i laugh.

at least one of us still has a heart.

his lips tasted like coffee beans and tobacco, i don't know if i like the taste but if it's his, then i'll love it for days on end. kissing him is like drinking coffee, i love both.

we would run down the halls playing tag in the first hotel i got before they turned to motels. little did i know the game of tag, we've always played. i was always it, and i was always trying to catch him.

the only difference was, during the game while running around down halls, he was chasing me. and i loved how he was so desperate to get his hands on me as if i was prey and he was the predator wanting his food. he wanted me relentlessly and violently.

then he would peck my lips and run before i could catch him, and it would repeat. if only i knew that this would turn into a vicious cycle of kissing each other's lips and then running for the other to catch us. we loved the chase, but hated being caught.

he lived for rock n' roll, and ****, he was the human embodiment of a rockstar. the voice, the hair, the makeup. everything.

he told me that when he makes it big, he'd come back for me and he'd give me everything i ever dreamed of and i just had to say the words.

but let me tell you something about myself
i could never take what is given to me
yet i give and give and people just take
i could never understand how they can take
what's given them so effortlessly without feeling guilty

when he did his first sold out show, i was the first one he called to scream and exclaim about the exciting news.

“we're finally making it, baby!”

but let me tell you something about him
he was the one to always get lost in his head
almost as if he was stuck in his brain
and he only truly cared about himself and what he can easily gain

so it was no surprise that he started to distance himself from the girl he said he would marry when he got more fame and started making a fan base

i spent my nights on ***** bathroom floors behind a door, while he spent his nights on a stage or with a ******* his lap exchanging oxygen

i would pray he'd see my broken heart and would give me another night or give me another chance

but right now he doesn't even give me a second glance.