i miss all there is about you.

was it my fault,
was i too harsh,
was i too pushy,
was it all me?

i cut my hair,
really short,
and i did it,
not because i want to,
but to feel something.


spoiler alert,
i felt nothing again.

even after i handed you my heart,
on a platter of love and loyalty,
you still broke me.

what hurts me more,
is that you called me by her name,
smiled when she'd text,
when you were with me.

it was her all along.

coldly you reply to me,
taking away my warmth,
i am no longer burning, love,
i am freezing.

loving me,
to you,
was a shield,
to keep you safe,
from her love,
you coward.

i am who i am,
for myself,
not for you,
never for you.

do you like me because i am there,
or am i there because you like me?

i got rid of all traces,
that connect your soul,
with mine,
if i still have one.

you used me to forget,
i used you to remember.

loving you is wrong,
and i promise to never,
do anything right.

part of me tells me you love me,
part of me tells me to get over you,
my entire self wants you,
so where do i go from there.

heard your voice,
less than an hour ago,
spent more thinking,
about you.

i am losing my soul,
barely holding onto my body,
how much longer will i last,
i wonder.

i was too scar(r)ed,
and he didn't love me enough.

i miss all you are,
and all you are not.

i went on a date,
with someone who's not you,
i felt sick to my stomach,
am i a monster,
or did you make me one.

kept waiting for your name,
to pop up on my screen,
didn't feel nothing,
when it did,
though.

i really,
fully,
completely,
utterly,
regret you.

you're different,
you make me feel something,
like none other feelings.

i try to ignore it,
trying not to jinx it,
but you're hard to ignore.

when i see you,
i put my heart in a cage and lock it,
afraid you'll take it.

it's three in the morning,
and i miss you again.

call me silly,
but i had a little hope,
you might call,
and ask to see me,
perhaps then you'd understand,
why i'm quiet.

sometimes it's your fault,
sometimes it's mine,
it's up to my heart,
and sometimes mind.

they were all lies,
even that look in your eyes,
was the biggest lie of them all.

i don't miss,
i don't love,
i don't hate,
i don't feel,
i'm barely existing.

if only you had met me,
when i was me,
we would've been,
something.

i am trying to unlove you i promise.

you looked sad,
when you saw me cry,
you wiped my tears.

now tell me,
what would you do,
if you found out.

the tears in my eyes,
screamed your name,
loud and clear.

i think i love you,
and i hate it,
for i do not know,
what love is,
and what love is not.

saw you two mondays in a row,
i don't think you love me anymore.

i started my journey full,
through all that keeps happening,
i am nothing but emptiness,
of self loathe and painful quietness.

i hope you love me back,
i know you don't,
i just hope.

you know it's bad,
when i listen to the voice,
of the unknown,
to calm me down.

you green-eyed soulmate,
get out of my head,
and my heart,
please.

she seems nice,
you finally found her,
after all.

will it all be okay as they all say?

sorry to your heart,
sorry to your time,
sorry to all i've wasted,
attempting to be available.

you read out loud,
the words i so wanted to hear,
and i imagined it was me,
for the two minutes you read,
but in reality,
you were trying to get her back,
with my opinion,
and it felt like nothing.

staring into the mirror,
i am unable to recognise,
the feelingless monster,
staring back at me.

i despise all there is about you,
my dear self.

i want to not love you anymore.

comparisons,
between me and her,
it is always her,
just different hers.

i do not miss you,
i just miss who i was,
with you.

is the future,
as terrifying,
as it appears.

each time i ask,
you say you never forgot about me,
yet you act like you did.

i looked for you,
in all the faces i saw,
the other night.

when i look at you,
i forget all that is,
not you.

i had so much to say,
but your voice caught my words,
hid them,
before i had the chance,
to let them out.