So beautiful, **** and clean.
It’s something I wish I could be.
Dying so young now I really never had a chance.
She walks so proud in tight designer pants.
Miss popular there’s no doubt in any ones mind.
I try and try to keep up but only ending up losing time.
As she brushes her long beautiful brown hair.
I sit with a hat on covering what is not there.
And you’d think maybe I could get a little attention.
It feels like I am in never ending detention.
She drives a very nice car and has it all.
I stand alone on the yard hoping to play some ball.
She has her life ahead of her, it must be so nice.
Thinking of these lonely wrists, slice, slice.
***, fashion, happiness and rock and roll.
I have nothing and it’s spiraling out of control.
Shes going to live for a very long time indeed.
The doctor told me I have five years left to take it easy.
How ironic is life, when she crashes and dies the next night.
As I keep pushing through this five year fight.

Going to school today not even making a sound.
The adrenaline rush makes my heart pound.
Just me and my lunch box today thats all I need.
I got so much food in here the whole lunchroom I could feed.
No ones going to have to steal my lunch today.
I will practically be giving it away.
The bell rings it’s time to begin with first hour.
I sit front row with my lunch box and don’t even cower.
They laugh at me saying “Oh did mommy make your lunch?”
After first hour I am in the halls, they taunt and punch.
I stagger to second hour still holding my lunch box.
These sticks and stones fell like logs and rocks.
It’s ok though.
Only two more hours to go.
By third class Iv’e been quite abused.
Teachers laughing so fckng amused.
the bell rings its finally time to go and eat.
Once again in the lunchroom I have no seat.
I raise my lunch box standing proud and high.
I yell as loud as I can “who’s ready to die?”
They all laugh like I am some fckng joke.
This lunch box is about to open and smoke.
I reach inside and flailed my armed hand.
Firing off rounds of hate, I am making a stand.
I don’t know how many I shot and killed that day.
But this lunch box warrior got his way

I am very sorry if you hate me.
I am very sorry if you don't like my poetry.
I am very sorry for me being me.
I will change if you ask politely.
I am just a fleshy little puppet.
Just tell me to shut up.
Take your hate out on my guts.

I stand so proud and tall.
With my nose pressed against the wall.
I know I was naughty, is this why your punishing me?
pssng my pants, you make me get on my knees.
Naughty Boy! Naughty Boy you shout.
After your done smelling that, I am washing your mouth out!
My nose sore from being punished by you.
What next? What now are you going to do?
the bar of soap inserts my mouth all the way to my throat.
I wont be naughty anymore than my privates were groped.
I know I looked in your ***** drawer today.
Now I am going to really pay.
Trying them on I know there for you.
I guess this naughty boy had no clue.
Putting them on my head and shoving them in my mouth.
Still at the same time washing my mouth out.
Waiting for you to come back today.
I am not scared Iv’e been naughty in every way.
No please I am not hungry, don’t make me eat the vegetables.
I sit and pout at the kitchen table.
forcing them into my mouth and making me swallow.
You lead on a leash and I am forced to follow.
I am your pet, your naughty little slave.
And it’s almost time to play.
But we both know what comes first.
The cutting of my arms to satisfy your thirst.

Dress me up Im all about glamour.
Take these nuts and bust them with a hammer.
Time to go to the bathroom and powder my nose.
Fixing my skirt and fishnet pantyhose.
I don't want to be me, I want to be a girl.
Skinny I need to be, belimac watch me hurl.
God I love this **** silky bra.
In everyones eyes a man they saw.
But underneath the clothes and skin.
Waits a happy little girl waiting to begin.
Her happy little life in gogo boots and mini skirts.
I think about the **** sl*t in me and it hurts.
No money for an operation, so I'll just cut it off.
No more turn your head and cough.
One day by all I will be seen.
As the inner me transforms into a beauty queen

I feel like a shadow, for I can only be seen with light.
I am losing focus of whats wrong and right.
I feel like I am losing my self worth everyday.
Falling behind on love and care and the bills to be paid.
Drinking myself quietly to sleep.
Forgetting about what secrets I should keep.
Waking to another agonizing day of light and sound.
In the bottom of the bottle I wish to drown.
back to sleep forgetting about this day.
So depressed I forgot to pray.
The past is catching up all my kids have grown.
Slowly slipping away into the unknown.
One day I was going to make that positive change.
Starring into the grey skies of falling rain.
But than I realized it was to late.
No chance left to make things right it all went away.
Lonely and sober and no one to love.
Wishing I would have given more kisses and hugs.

The words came out faster than I thought.
Than mother and I argued and fought.
It should not happened this way.
I will never forget my cleansing that day.
In and out repeat and rinse.
Never again have swore since.