I’d cursed fate, I’d cursed the local gardens,
Where tulips bloomed in perfect patterns
The poppies red, the roses fair,
But not a single one felt rare

I was not pink, I was not bright,
I was the shade, the stem, the slight
No petals danced upon my stem,
I envied those who carried them

I was green—just green—no hue,
No blushing pink, no morning dew
A leaf alone, without a flower,
A half-thing born from root and hour

And so, I was a green leaf, just a part,
A lonely stem, a hollow heart
No pink petals graced my view,
I thought I’d never be whole or new

So I fled the garden, left behind
The pretty stems the world designed
And found a pond, serene, apart,
Where lotus flowers dared to start

That’s where I saw you: pink and warm,
Petals soft, defying norm
But something missing in your grace,
No green leaves wrapped around your base

At first, it scared me, how you fit,
How close we grew, how well we knit
But nature, wise and full of grace,
Had always planned this perfect place

But pink needs green, and green needs pink,
Together we are more than we think
A lotus formed not by one alone,
But leaf and petal, stem and stone

Some flowers don’t sprout all alone,
Some roots must tangle to feel grown
You, pink petals—tender, true
And I, green leaves, built just for you

Together, we are something rare,
A lotus strong in love and care
You, the petals soft and kind,
Me, the leaves that hold and bind

I wish I could project the past,
Play every scene and frame it fast,
A channel made of memory’s hue,
So all I love could see it too

They’d see the tremble in my hand,
The way my breath would barely stand,
The way a glance could make me break,
The way all of me was more than fake

Poetry mimics what hearts convey,
It paints with words that we can’t say
Though poetry holds pain and grace,
It cannot write a warm embrace

I’ve got stories to tell, whole worlds in my head,
But the ink runs dry when I’m close to the thread
Some things are sacred, too real to share,
Moments too fragile for open air

You love the boy I let you find,
But he is made, not born, in mind
A crafted mask, a practiced art,
A ghost of self, a split apart

He smiles on cue, he speaks with grace,
But he is only in my place
An echo dressed in borrowed light,
A shadow playing at being right

Yet still you love this polished shell,
The tale I spin, the dream I sell
But if you saw what lies beneath,
Would kindness turn to ash and grief?

If truth uncoiled from under skin,
Would love collapse from where it’s been?
Would you still look me in the eye,
If I told you this “me” was a lie?

You’ve hurt me more than you may know,
But still, I’d never strike a blow
I took your pain, I wore your shame,
Yet dream of flames I cannot name

For what I dream to do, to say,
Would wash your peace like stars away
A wave no surfer’s strength could bear,
You’d drown in tears, stripped raw and bare

You cry at oceans—I at stars,
At nebulae and bleeding scars
Your grief is deep, but not like mine,
I’ve swallowed time, and called it fine

I am not Earth, nor built for ease,
Not shaped by gardens, sun, or trees
I am a moon of Saturn’s brood,
Born of ash and solitude

Among her moons, I spin and burn,
While others freeze and never yearn
They orbit close with silent pride,
I flare with longing none can hide

I am the ember in her ice,
A misfit fire in rings precise
I circle like the rest must do,
But always dream of something new

My gaze is fixed beyond her light,
To Earth’s pale moon in endless night
That single sphere in velvet black,
Whose face reflects the love I lack

I ache to break this orbit’s bind,
To find a home more like my mind
I gaze toward Earth, where one moon glows,
Faint and familiar, through the cosmos it shows

For if I left this frigid ring,
What would my solemn Saturn think?
If I, the ember in her shade,
Defied the path tradition made?

Would Saturn weep, or would she rage?
Would guilt confine me to this cage?
Or would she sigh, and let me fly—
To chase the moon that caught my eye?

How many times can one restart
Before they lose their beating heart?
Is there a line where second chances
Turn to ghosts in fractured glances?

Each version built, then swept away,
I ask, how much of me will stay?

My future spreads, a boundless sea,
Each wave a path calling to me
I crave them all, each shining shore

And my future stretches, vast and wide,
A thousand doors on every side
And oh, I ache to walk through them all
Yet once I choose one to open, the rest refuse my call

I crave the change I also dread,
It dances loud inside my head
For when you’ve lived in chains so long,
They start to feel like where you belong

They bind me tight, they hold me still,
They crush my voice, they break my will,
But in their grip, I’ve come to stay,
And fear the world without their sway

What would I do, if I were free?
No walls, no locks, no weight on me?
This place, though cold, I’ve come to know,
It shaped my steps, it taught me “no.”

My dreams keep whispering through the dark,
But even dreams have lost their spark
For even there, I fear the cost,
Afraid to find what I have lost

I long for joy, yet flinch from light,
I watch it glowing, clear and bright,
But I’ve lived so long in shadow’s arms,
The sun, to me, might do me harm

How can I walk with eyes so gray,
Into a gold and blinding day?
Without the chains to pull me back,
What compass guides the open track?

What rules exist when none remain?
What shape is joy that’s born from pain?
And so I stay, both near and far,
A prisoner who guards their own bar

I think I knew it all along,
My hands were built for breaking, not for song
I tried to hold you soft and true,
But clumsy hearts don’t hold like steady glue

And I think I knew it from the start,
A storm can’t love the stillness of the chart
And so I loosed the knot I tied,
And watched you drift along the evening tide

You were the lighthouse far from reach,
A soul I touched but could not teach
A love I bore but never wore,
A knock I left outside your door

I kept my claws behind the veil,
Afraid they’d carve more grief than tale
You’ll never see the war I fought,
To stay away though near I sought

They’d call me cruel, they’d say I fled,
They’d ask what thoughts ran through my head
Do you recall my quiet hands?
And wonder why they missed demands?

Why they refused to dry your eyes?
Or failed to chase your fading skies?
Why they stood idle at the shore,
And never dared to pull you more?

The truth is this, I feared to bruise
To grip too hard, and still to lose
So I became the ghost you met,
A love you’ll mourn, but not regret

I never meant to hold your hand
not like that, not for long.
But you held on far too tightly,
fingers locked like chains, clutching as if letting go would mean losing yourself.

And I tried to pull away, quietly, gently at first.
But the more I resisted, the tighter you grasped-until your love became a tourniquet.

Your grip cut through my flesh,
burst blood vessels deep beneath skin,
left bruises no one else could see,
pain I couldn't name out loud.

Still, I stayed.
Still, I let it happen.
Maybe I thought you'd loosen.
Maybe I feared the tearing more than the hold.

And then, suddenly, you let go.
Just like that.
No warning, no softness,
just absence where your hand used to be.

Now, my hands are swollen,
aching with the memory of pressure.
I can't hold anything else
not love, not comfort, not trust.

Everything slips through these trembling fingers that once held too much for too long.
And though you're gone,
your grip still lingers in the way I flinch when someone reaches for me.

I know another man’s junk is another man’s treasure,
for what is worthless to one may be priceless to me
Like the bracelets I gave you just to be rid of them,
not knowing you’d keep one—and return the other to me

Do you still wear yours? I wonder sometimes
Last time I saw you, it clung to your wrist
But I haven’t seen you in so long,
and time is a thief I cannot resist

Like bladeless sharpeners, empty and still,
they serve no purpose, yet I hold them tight
Once, they were escape, a solace in steel,
now, just relics of vanished nights

Like notes you passed, folded with care,
tucked away in a box I cannot discard
Like the jacket I wore whenever I saw you,
kept so I don’t forget—avoided so I don’t remember too hard

I hate remembering, yet forgetting is worse,
a cruelty I fear more than pain
For how could I let go of the things that remain,
when they made all my days what they were?

Now, I cherish your absence,
yet something about it feels untrue
Once, I wept for every moment near you, mourning the space you filled too soon

I begged for distance, craved the quiet, ached for days untouched by you
Yet silence lingers, rich and heavy,
like a ghost that won't undo

I swore I'd never miss your presence,
never yearn for what once pained
Yet even freedom bears the sorrow
of a loss that still remains

I have gathered so many—
petals, names, the quiet ache of becoming
They press against my chest,
too many to count, too many to hold

Still, I gather more,
watching the way they bloom in the light, how they turn toward something unseen,
something certain

And maybe you understand,
how some things are too precious to set down, how we carry them anyway,
even when our arms are full

They call life a rollercoaster ride,
A thrill, a loop, a drop, a glide
But I don’t see the tracks they praise,
This isn’t thrill, it’s endless maze

A coaster ends, its path is known,
Predictable, it brings you home
But with life, where is the end in sight?
Where’s the design? Where is the right?

Life is no ride, it’s far more tight,
A chain that binds, a heavy plight
They claim I choose my steps, my way,
But choices don’t exist today

The ones around me shift the ground,
They twist my fate without a sound
You say, “It’s worth it,” from below,
But from where I stand, you do not know

My life began not with a stride,
But clinging to a mountainside
Where others stepped from stone to stone,
I climbed a cliff face, all alone

So tell me now, what hope remains
For one who scaled such sharp terrains?
I’m near the peak, with frozen breath,
Yet nothing here resembles rest

I see them laughing down below,
Their paths laid out in gentle flow
While I hang bruised with aching grip,
Each moment feels my fingers slip

This summit isn’t what I chose,
It’s just the path that hardship froze
I climbed because I had no say,
Because the world carved out that way

And though the peak is cold and bare,
At least it feels like something there
To leap back down, no solid plan,
Too far I’ve come, too weak I am

The coat I wear is thin, worn through,
It holds no heat, but hides the blue
And though I dream of stepping stones,
I know the price would break my bones

I’ve built a shelter on this height,
The mountain holds me through the night
It cradles me, yet keeps me bound,
Above the life I never found

And still, I watch the ones below,
Their lighter lives, their steady flow
And wonder, softly, with regret,
At all the things I never met