I’ve loved satin and lace for a long time, yet believed I was too rugged to enjoy such luxury. That being draped by something that feels like butter on a porcelain vase desecrates its sanctity. I was never meant for such grandeur, as I am made of stone. Coarse, menacing, and hard. Such gentleness doesn’t befit an ever-destructive chaos. I was a whirlwind romance, a cacophony of squawking ravens and crows, a relentless repetition of echoes in the caving mountains, a disastrous flair in an illicit affair.  A damsel and the prince, the one who saves her own soul from eternal damnation. Yet. I was taught softness once. How I can be a gentle breeze from the northerlies, like a lily pad floating on a laminar stream, or a dandelion fluttering in the breeze. But this softness was robbed. From me, from everything else. Returning me to the state I came to hate the most, to shy away from, to loathe and bury like a cadaver that reeked of nothing but ill intent. Which made me realize that this time there was no turning back, that I was calloused now, permanently. Transforming a learning heart into a plethora of evil and demise. A gatherer of sorrows, a charmer of guilt. A benign tumor, a tactless joke. What’s harder is that there’s no clear road to return.

Will hellfire breathe amongst the icy glaciers, igniting the frozen pits of my flesh? If hell hath all women scorned, will it also unleash the reigned beast I had tamed inside? With every glisten of sweat and profound lines etched on his skin, will it grip my soul into an enchanting dance?

I believe that it would, it may, and it can. In a tumultuous feat, I'd be close to something spectacular. Would heaven's gates hate on me, and will the angels shun my presence for longing such a guilty desire? They might, and I know they will.

i saw you smile today
and it braided a heart that's frayed;
leaving stronger feelings i can't tame
no one else but you to blame

i felt you skin to skin today
it sent electric touches down my spine;
like reading a novel's plot twist line
one where both characters stayed

i got to kiss you today
it resembled comets touching atmospheres;
something that can move you to tears
and i loved catching some strays


i got to hold your hand today
and it was like my lifeline;
i don't know how and i don't know why
but it hitched my breath; oh too sublime

i lost faith when i lost you
coffee seemed too bitter than it was
the air's dirtier than it is—
or maybe i am unknowingly suffocating

i don't know;


but, i lost faith when i lost you
reeked of nothing but sadness
known no light at the end of the tunnel
and lost me when i lost you

i ache in areas i didn't know could feel pain
like a stepped on leaf—brought by disdain
i bleed in crevices i thought i had fixed;
but my body seems to deny the remedies —it ditched

the cries;
the laughter,
the shattering thunder
makes my heart unnaturally falter

the heaviness;
the rage,
the unforgiving phase,
the me you cannot replace


the heave and squeal,
the dying of zeal,
the red as it shed—
and the blue once its dead.