Dad, where did you go?
I hate that you're dead,
I'm angry you're dead,
I wish I could go and rest

In that coffin buried deep,
I wish to travel to your grave,
To dig into the Earth,
Open your coffin and

Crawl inside to sleep,
Beside you again, so cozy,
I wish to pretend we're,
Together on the sofa

Giggling and laughing,
A feeling fleeting so fast,
I wish to grasp,
Onto the only image

Of your corpse once alive again,
That would talk and hold,
The burden of your Death with me,
To  hold me, my daddy,

I wish to open your coffin,
Lay inside and pretend again,
And again and again,
You and I forever best friends.

I contemplated opening up,
To you or to anyone,
To bear my soul,
For anyone to understand me,
See me! See me!
Understand my condition,
My damage,
The ever twirling mist that surrounds my vision,
Hear me! Hear me!
All I hear is their whine, their cry,

The beckoning howl of those hounds.

I fall into that Hell,
With bright fire and burning,
I feel comfortable there,
That heat---my skin covered in sweat,
You there too,
Dancing with me in lust and love,
In that Hell,
You and I.

I sit inside the small laundry room,
I close the door,
I imagine this small room,
Is my coffin,
I watch as the dryer turns
           and turns,
                            and turns,
Maddening that noise,
That spin,
Didn't think I'd be back here again.

I watch the spin,
I frown,
Is there any way out?
Or should I put my head in?
Turn on that washer,
And drown.

Those soft waves rushing up to the shore,
They rock back and forth,
That mighty ocean carries so much depth,
I start to lose my breath,
Too calm that sea,
Opposite the storm inside of me,
I take one more breath,
Delicate.

I sit inside my head,
Alone
Alone
Alone again,
No one to comfort,
No one to care,
No one to hold me,
Or play with my hair,
No one to listen,
No one to see,
That there is a darkness eating away at me.

I want to fill the bath tub up,


And fall asleep in it.

I fall into your grasp again,
Awaken me,
Flesh on flesh,
Iridescent moons,
I lick the wounds,
Cuddle--caress,
Please hold me again,
My thoughts turned grey,
Sorrow--aching,
Words that play,
The little violin in the hearts of all
Saddened girls.

Pounding my fist upon the wall,
Please tell me it will all make sense one day.

I stare into the mirror,
Afraid,
I am afraid of the girl staring back at me,
Drip drip drip,
From wounds on wrists,
My body craves being held,
In strong arms,
I laugh when I cry,
Those dogs still howling,
Weeping into night,
Frighten me,
Make me feel
Alive.

There above the clouds,
Above the trees,
The brightest light,
Waves hello in the night sky
Calling to me.

As if the wind,
Could swoop me up,
Send me out into that deep dark sky,
To hold that star,
I wish to hold it in my hands.  

How odd it is,
To look up at it so far,
To feel its presence,
Feels like home that star,
It lays snug in the inky depths of space.

As if some great power was calling to me.

I knew exactly what I wanted,
Could form the image in my mind,
Perfectly,
To live within my blue dream,
Smell it's lilac,
But never the ability to attain it.

I wished so deeply--so badly,
To reach far within myself,
And with all of my might,
Pull myself back out.

Your lips to kiss,
I want.
Your hands to feel,
I crave.
The touch of you,
I melt.


Please kiss me before the night ends,
Before it's too late for us.

Diamond eyes, crystallized,
Like shining moons,
To kiss my thighs, memorize,
The way you make me swoon,
Ruffled hair, turn the tides,
Like the way you do,
Forget me nots, filled with pride,
Left me way too soon,
Broken nails like broken glass aligned,
Falling for the ruin,
To utter the words, sadly divined,
The intensity of you.

Reading your last letter,
I sobbed I screamed,
Punched the pillow,
Glanced up at the night sky,
The stars were singing,
You were near,
Tears flowing fast from my eyes,
Great rapids,
You've been gone for some time,
Wounds not healing,
Why are you not here?
Head pounding heart racing,
I was cold I whispered,
The heat kicked on,
Was it you?
Reading your last letter,
12 days before,
The sun in my life burst into broken fragments of little stars.

I place all memory together like a puzzle,
Missing a piece, forever incomplete.


I hate that I look for you wherever I go.

The two voices within me clash loudly like the bang of a drum,
The repeat of booms upon the corners of my mind,
These thoughts once saplings now grown full trees,
I wish for silence,
Only it scares me.

I stare at the little drops of crimson on my knuckles,
the mirror cracked when I looked at it,
I thought to myself, "what has gotten into me?"

Somewhere I sit in the in between,
I long for your touch,
This too has consumed me,
How funny it feels to scream,
I want out of you.
Somewhere over in the in between,
A snake sitting in the wet moss,
Looking at me with cold eyes,
I long for your bite.

I stare up into the black, inky depth of space and stars,
my eyes fix onto the moon,
she's looking back at me.

I am the dizzy little fawn,
I stumble as I walk
I stumble when I talk,
The words try to come out,
But my lips quiver.

I am the big baby,
I need help,
I need cradled,
My eyes they are flooded,
I weep.

I am coming undone.

Press your hands against my skin
Caress
To feel your warmth
I'd die again
You are the ghost
Of a dream
Your hands the touch
What I need
Crave
You.

Move your hands along my spine
Whisper
Feel your breath against mine
To feel alive
Make me please
Feel alive if just one more time
But a dream
Only of
your hands.

Sunshine on the window
Blue green red yellow glass
Truly a silly ol' thing,
What are you doing, quiet bird?
Why do you not sing?

Creativity sinking into me,
Sweat rolling out of my pores,
What is it that I bring?
What are doing, lonely bird?
Why do you not sing?

Rain tapping on my roof,
Dogs howling in the night,
Oh but when you’ve struck the wrong string,
What are you doing, little bird?
Why do you not sing?

To sing would bring
Not only joy,
But a thing,
A song to sing
Of cold and warmth,
But even then,
My little bird, my lovely friend,
You’d end up too,
Inside the lion’s den.

Darkness
The clouds—gray
Wind blowing
Hair ruffled up
Heart is pounding
Me—aching, wanting
Something… something…
More
Sunlight.

I breathe in
Exhale
A tear flows
Runs down
Drops from my chin
Didn’t think I’d be back here again
In the darkness
Where there is no light…

                No light at all.