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After my last heart break......
I build myself a castle
Protected by a Great wall
With a Grand draw bridge and it was pulled up, closed, unwelcoming.
A beautiful moat with an abundance
Of nature surrounding it's banks
Drained of it's spirit and soul.
Spying on potential lovers from my ivory tower.
I felt safe, lonely, unhappy, unfulfilled.
The depth of my heart is tired, and my soul is flooded with grief and pain.
No where to run, no time to cry, just swallow and shove it down again.
Being in this constant state of confusion on high alert,
somedays we are your everything somedays your destruction, it becomes a blur.
You don’t want your freedom, but you don’t want me. You think you do, but you only want the version that’s make believe.
How many times have i sat on this porch swing to contemplate. But my head is so jumbled the thoughts i cant even separate.
My brain stuck somewhere between disassociation and trauma induced anxiety. Not sure how to shake loose, do I fight or do I flee?
some days I feel like I’m stuck on pause unable to be free. By the time, I finally decide will there be anything left of me?
The scorched door to hell
and pearly gates of heaven
dwell in the same realm
with One key, both can open
the darkness will be dispelled
with a brilliance at every end
once was unhappy
love never within my reach
then fate spoke it's piece
all of my questions answered
All of my dreams realized
sitting on my porch
playful birds chase each other
not caring whose "it".
I saw you crying
saw your whole life collapsing
your tears then my tears
life without limits
a dangerous game to play
its russian roulette
Drama, trauma, toxic, delirious
As though moving a checker to another square
My life perception is in despair
A great book read twice
Aristocat in Paradise
A masquerade to escape my life
I brought a knife to end my life
Life is a mirage you live everyday
you only die once
So live day to day
Re written
Memorial Day 2025 AD in the USA

No one is an expert on missing loved one's today.
I was born the youngest, in a family of five
My sister passed 38 years ago, my brother 37 years,
The lady I married, 25 years ago, passed away,
14 years for my dad, 7 for mom, I'm the only one alive,
Never fathered children, I keep looking forward, no fears.

Also a day to remember the military
Those who gave it all they had to protect our country,
In many ways, most of all those who never had a chance to,
Say good by, on their final day.

Friends

You only have very few, true honest friends in life this time,
Some one you can count on when you are, in a bind,
Many come and go, special one's touch your soul.

Some friends can make you happy,
Some can make you mad,
Some you wish you could remember,
Some you wish you never had,
Some will make you so angry,
You just want to stand up and scream,
Other's will seem so real to you,
Then you wake up from a dream.


The Original: Tom Maxwell  05/26/25AD
Just  a  true story actually today is not the worst, when I spend all the other holidays alone.
You have to understand that people will leave your life. You can’t fall apart every time it happens.
Please check out my other poems like comment love. The Love Flower, Zodiac, El Nopal, Trinity Scroll, Owl to Serpent, Current, Goddess Guadalupe Pillow, Etc.
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