I can't believe I used to see you bare and fear what I saw there

We used to be together
You loved me.
I don't know how to love.
And you thought I played you.
Even the second and third time
I tried,
And you thought I played you.

Its all over now,
And somehow we can still look at each other
Face to face,
Eye to eye,
Don't you know that I'm not lying anymore?
Don't you know that I'm still trying?
Don't you know that I need help?
And you still thought I played you.

And you still think I played you.

I discovered a new part of me.
A part that loved mornings
and that found beauty in my surroundings.
A part that enjoyed watching sunsets
and romanticizing a simple stroll through the park.
A part that believed in positivity
and finding the good in everyone.

But that part of me is no longer here.
It disappeared around the same time you did.  
All I could think of is getting you back,
of getting that part of me back from you,
so I could be complete again.
Until I realized you did not take that part with you,
you did not take anything.
That part of me was hidden,
because you taught me how to love everything,
but myself.

Four years later and I realize
I have nothing to thank you for.
I found myself with you, and found myself again without you.
In the end, you made no difference.
You were not and never will be essential to my life,
for I do not only love mornings and my surroundings anymore,
I now love **myself

I sometimes can feel
your mental embrace
through all these miles of thought

Even a faint wisp of breath
there upon my face
i've caught

And my lips can almost touch
your kiss even in this separation
of all our time and space

We fight and you demand
I fight back and take a stand

But in the end I surrender
all of me to you

Because I know
I am nothing now
without the hand of you

because a sad suicidal is stereotypical
acting happy is hypocritical
hanging in there is too biblical
ending one's life is cynical
waiting for a voice so lyrical
that'll help this life that's so minimal
i can't even be egotistical
because i'm just a lowly, foolish individual
a happy suicidal

let the pain swallow me whole
shatter my bones and soul
break my heart and my every goal

if you can read this, then you're too close
my loving passion has turned to a ghost
my heart became so cold that it froze
if you can read this, then you're too close

if you can read this, then you're too close
i need a love that **** then goes
love is suffering, while in it's throes
if you can read this, then you're too close

Cuts
All you see around you is people who cut,
You can't run away from it, though you've tried
They are always following you
Even when you hide.
Your friends, your family?
They don't understand.
Once you've started you can't help but stare
They're gonna be there until the very end.
you've left the mark now you have to bear
The pain you tried to leave but was to weak to see it near.
It consumed you until you couldn't breath again.....