The boy loved the sound of rain,
it reminded him of his father,
reminding him the days of pain,
drunken slurs and loud laughter,
those nights were hard to bear,
he would hit his mom and pillows tear,
the boy would scurry under the bed to tear,
but the sound of rain would silence his fear.

the magic of poetry.
is that it makes everything
beautiful.
it fills your lungs
like air.
it turns your soul
into a sky full of stars.
your heart
a field of wildflowers.
you.
into a poem.

i rather not look at it
for i will be lost
those orbs seem like
it can take one's life
ive learnt my lesson
and that is
never to look at
my own reflection

c.a

is she essential?
does she live on purpose?
each month she bleed
she endures
she gives birth
she nurtures
and yet society sees her
as inferior to men

c.a.

you tainted me
spent eternity filling me with colors
each stroke was perfect
but i wasnt your best
you still need to find
the masterpiece
that would fit the void
inside your heart

c.a

There are demons inside my head that haunt me day and night, sleep or wake. They whisper to me thoughts like "He doesn't love me, no one does," "I'm never enough," or "I'm better off dead."

Overthinking, Anxiety and Depression. I think too much, I worry too much, and I feel too much. I freak out over the littlest things. I make a fuss about small issues. I cry over anything and everything.

I once thought that thinking was the best for me. But thinking became too much thinking. And I started getting anxious about everything. I get depressed over anything.

But please understand. I didn't want this. I try so hard to overcome it. But the more I push it away, the stronger its grip gets.

And during the small amount of time that I did try, I couldn't go to sleep at night without having to cry my eyes red. I would tell myself over and over that if I don't overcome this, that if I don't try hard enough, I would lose you. And I was so torn. Because I wanted so badly for you to stay. And I also wanted you to accept me. Even this part of me. No matter how awful.

But I know that I don't really have to make you accept me. I can't do that. I can't force you to do that as much as I can't be forced to act as if this isn't a big deal. I know now that all I need is for you to understand.

And please understand. Please do. Understand that I may sleep a lot. Too much, maybe. Because it's the only way I know that will stop all of the thinking. It's my only escape from the demon inside my head, conjuring the most awful thoughts. Allowing other demons to get control of my thoughts and emotions.

It's my safe haven. Even just for a little while. Because sometimes, they find ways to get into my dreams too.

So please understand. It's not gonna be easy to be with me. It's not gonna be easy to love me. It never will be. I know. But please stay anyway.

Stay because when I'm with you, I feel safe too. You're my safe haven when I'm awake.