It gets dark here sometimes,
Like the curtains have fallen on the last act,
seats empty and lights dim.

It gets dark here sometimes,
Like the last of a hundred candles
Has melted away to a mere puddle of wax.

It gets dark here sometimes,
Like the fog too heavy, blinding street lights
And late night walkers.

It gets dangerous here sometimes too,
Like standing in a violent protest march
As a kid from the 60's.

It gets dark and dangerous here,
I guess they call it 'Night'.

When I didn't receive your card this year
I wasn't upset, or wanting to read those pointless words.
I was happy because you stopped trying to pretend  you were a good father.
And for a split second... I even thought you were dead.
I wasn't sad at that thought either. I may have even danced at the thought.
But my memory is fuzzy.

Today, 21 days after my birthday,
My family decided to stop protecting me & supply the truth behind my thoughts.
They gave me the cards you had sent for Christmas & for the day I became a year older.

"If your special day is anything like you..."
Was the cheap ******* note on the front.
If the card was plain.. it wouldn't have mattered so much
But the fact you bought a card that refferred to you actually knowing me
Makes me sick to my stomach. In fits of rage I tore up that card
And abused you, even though your whereabouts is a mystery & you couldn't hear me.
They told me to be quiet and calm down... Tell me, Dad, how could I be quiet when you cause me so much pain & anger?
They didn't see my tears, they never do.

After I had walked out that afternoon & sat at a beach for hours I came home
Only to hear my Grandfather apologize for hurting me.
Why, Dad, should he apologize for the pain you caused?
I hate it, Dad, when Grandad says sorry to me.
You, dad, ****** up so badly. I was hoping you were dead...

"I'll never let any evil mother ******* take you from me."*
Your arms like chains, I don't know if they're choking me
or if I'm just scared again, your eyes smother me,
but you taste so sweet, you can't love what is dangerous
and that is me, I break things and make people bleed
for all the wrong reasons, selfish reasons I don't understand,
but hey, take my hand and lead me to the watering hole
I'm nothing but a fragile ticking time bomb
waiting to explode in your arms,
I can't make another man die.
The rope you've been swinging from all your life
has held out brilliantly, 'til this little ***** walked in
and you can't see it yet, but there's an evil glimmer in my eye
and I suppose I am the evil thing trying to take me from you.
baby, I'll just **** you in more ways than you ever thought.

The moon,
a shy beauty,
only emerges at night.
And the sun, only in day.
Funny how they're always chasing
each other. Always one behind the other.
Silly, though, how only once in years do they cross paths
like the cat and mouse chase is over only for moments
then it begins again.
A cycle. Just like everything else in life.
Life in itself is a cycle
as is love, happiness, good and evil.

Insomnia attacks you front on,
rips back your eyelids
and devours the human sleep mechanism.

Depression disembowels you
and you feel sick to your stomach
every ******* second.

Scars forming on one limb
turn into bruies on another
and then into deep red scabs on the next.

Headaches throb and throb
and bash and throb
inside your head for weeks.

Extensive cold showers
do not suffice as an escape
And fail at making you clean enough.

There is only so much a pill can do.

I'd describe it as turbulent beyond silence, an unedited, untouched sequence that spills like blood from the pen.
Unintentional wounds to minds as feelings are played with like Barbie dolls in a 5 year olds prime.
Unrelenting and unpredictive thoughts lash out viciously in sweet melodic pulses.
Da DUM   .   .   .   DA BURST
Who is really the first to drown?
The living or the sea?
Deeper down and disturbingly fluent; the wash of words become clearer, stuttering.
You forget what really needs to be learnt once you start learning.
So much becomes lost the moment you are influenced.
But who writes the rule books on which rhythms take control?
Easily said but not easily discussed.
Choked by a thousand thoughts a minute, we lose track.
Healthy are those un brainwashed and remaining at 68% anarchist, still refusing pollutants fed straight into our veins.
4 jabs a day is the recommended dosage.
Desensitisers, artificial frontal lobotomy replacements, constant comatose states; you breathe for yourself but who thinks for you?
Whose mind do you have?

Everything creates haunting shadows of you.
I can't run from them,
Nor can I hide.
You follow me everywhere.
I can't escape.

I hate that my only experience of love,
Before now,
Was a demonstration of narcissisms bargaining chip.
The soul source of a narcissists food to feed the ego.
Because for a long time,
I was in deep belief that love was fleeting.
Here one second,
Non existent the next.
Torturous…
And devoid of any warmth falsely portrayed in movies, books and the lives of my friends.

I hate that I was conditioned to believe love was regimented.
Structured and strictly used to service you.

Affection was a mirage
Shown only when I must’ve needed a reminder to cling to false hope that this was real.

And while some romance films
Toy with the idea of some small sacrifices being involved
None ever quite explained that you had to forfeit your dreams for a narcissists ego.
Luckily, this was something you explained to me.
I should’ve graduated 3 years ago…

Despite your hard hard work to convince me love wasn’t real,
That I was nothing of worth.
I am being loved, shown I too can be supported, encouraged.
And I am stronger
And worthier
And happier
Than I think you are ever capable of feeling.

The hole you’ve dug is a deep one,
Get comfy before they fill it in.

I burnt your face into the sheets


The world has spun again

I am done, with your empty everything.

Took the world from my grip.
I drowned again in your scent.
I burnt your face into the sheet.

But I'll love you forever

Dellusional and scared,
I'm running from shadows that aren't there,
I can't scream in this haunted house anymore,
Walls are collapsing in on my lungs,
Ghosts have sewn my mouth shut,
Cobwebs have come alive and they're taking my arms,
Pulling, pulling, Tearing me apart,
Insomnia begins to sing as it tries to claim victory,
It has not won yet, I have not lost,
My limbs begin to bleed out as the clock tears at my skin,
I'm sinking into the floorboards, I'm sinking in,
Chuckling ghouls emerge from antique cupboards,
They dance, and the webs make me spin,
I think I'm gonna be sick.

You are not clued into
The extensive wiring
And miscommunication within me.
You are sure as hell
Not brainy enough to
Attempt to figure it out.
So instead with your ignorance
You label me more than
That movie you hated
With all your might...
But believe me when I whisper
To myself as I cry alone at
The break of dawn that
I am nothing more than that movie
And I am everything less
Than you deserve.

how hard it is
to cut calloused skin.
how hard it is
to bleed the devil's blood.

Would you like to be my bride?
Splendid, i'll order the corpse tomorrow.
Perhaps there shall be bats, and black butterflies.
Perhaps a heart will wither and die,
but oh, what a joyous day it will be.
And oh, all the sad faces we will see.
I beg you to meet the end,
I beg you to sell me the moon.
Reach into your heart and rip out the strings of wolf.
There will be nothing but dust left,
you won't be remembered not even if you mechanically pulse forever.

Just another ruled notebook,
with pretty white blank pages,
soon to be destroyed by
pathetic sentences
and poems and rhymes
that make no sense.

Just another hard covered notebook
waiting to be kissed by ink
torn by paint brushes
drowned in spilt tea.

This is a brand new notebook
So neat and clean
anticipating
the countless number of pages
covered in poorly drawn
pirate stick figures.

Of Her parents home
with blood gushing from her wrists
clothes that look like they've been through the shredder
bleeding mascara and the deepest holes for eyes
for once they'll crowd her, worried,
and ask,
"Who or, o-or what di-d-did this to you...?"
Her Mother will stutter through confusion
And the girl will reply with,
"It was me."
Empty and cold, She'll stand bleeding
Her mother will whimper and her father
is never anywhere to be seen.

fading away
and losing hope
grip
on everything that ever mattered.
i'm ******* losing myself
to the void.
that big ******* void
of nothingness.
i can't stay here
and i can't leave
either.
but i can be swept
somewhere
else in my mind.
Where am i going?
That wonderful void
i dread so much.

Limp, lifeless and longingly dry.
Like the packet of crumpets I lost to mould last week
The rot finds it place under my tongue.
I toy with ideas that maybe anger
Is the reason waves erode sandbanks
And the turbulent wind is why walls like us crumble...

T   U   R   B   U   L   A   N   C   E

The ambiguity of what happens now rings loud and clear
As another fear added to a never ending list.
Professionals would have a field day and a whole new genre within me.
But that's conformity.

The cavern with which my mind resides is dark
Chaotic and violent to say the least.
Self preservation is a fantasised option only present in the books
Surfing the stale wind inside my mind.

If you wanted normality it's taken you two years to undiscover it.

I'll beg each and every second for you to never leave the park bench
That sits across from me staring at everything behind.
I'd give all my soul, dreams and whatever hopes I think I have
To know that you're going to stay in my mind with me forever.

I'd give my heart just to know that you'll stay mine forever.

cats, cradles and broken jars,
I don't know where this is going,
but it's gonna take me far.
London, Paris, Rome--
Home.
Any where where people
don't know my name.
I'm going to go far,
far far away.

I once was a stone pilar in the middle of a plateau,
And I was everything for everyone.
But right now I’m at the top of a lighthouse,
Stranded in the middle of the deepest ocean.
And all those that care for me...
Are ships lost at sea.

But soon...
soon, I promise I’ll find my way back to land.
I’ll know what earth feels like again,
Without being eroded by rough swell.
I’ll be everyone’s everything.

And I’ll stand strong and tall,
As a beacon once more.

You never made me happy.
Though you heard me say it, you never made me happy; not once... not ever.
Instead what you heard was falsities...
A lie, a mask, a good ******* play at ‘happy families’.
You never made me happy.
I lived in a bubble of illness and not the kind I could see a doctor for.  
I painted masks across my face for you, sung a sweet lullaby of ‘I’m peaceful in this second’.
But in that second you were suffocating me, boxing me, moulding me, caging, controlling,
Ensuring I wouldn’t leave.
An exuberant ‘I’m happy’ should’ve translated more appropriately to ‘I want to die and be reborn’.
You made me sick and I wanted to die.

Sometimes I'm not home
But I remain sat, snug between it's walls.
Sometimes I'm home,
Existing only as a body,
A spent bullet shell...
Empty, warped and scratched gold.
All of the time I'm at home,
Physically.
Yet, the wind traces it's fingers through my hair
Sending;
Shivers down my spine,
Sending;
My gaze to stars...
Peeking between cracks in the roof,
Sending;
My heart to a parallel beat...
And I am not there.

Sleep,
It scares me.
It allows my mind to roam.
The white canvas sleep creates,
Lets my mind paint terrifying pictures.
Some are images retold,
Others are oil-paint horrors.

Once asleep
I am no longer in control,
Sleep snatches the reins
Jumps off the horse
And watches it run wild
Through puddles of memories
And past feelings
Then, explores new caves.

I am afraid
of what sleep will let
my mind uncover
in it's frenzy of freedom.

A scream...
followed by a choke
a splutter, a gasp
then
a CRACK.

a field of white,
red river flowing
from the cavity of a chest
to gravel.
how long is
the road now?

light ever present
at tunnels end
how many times
must you die
before you get there?

spit broken teeth,
walls leave you weak
spell bound to feet
i bow,
"ah, goodmorrow
mystery"

Waves crash and roll longer than existance, they carry more love than any heart could ever hold and shelter more than a mother could ever protect. Waves, seas and oceans are more powerful than any white, black, pink, or green president could ever expect to be. Humans or any animal for that matter should fear the ocean more than a predator or serial killer because the ocean is a killer. It's dangerous. The water doesn't strive for power, respect or eternity, it was given those things. I do not fear the water, if for some reason it wants to take me, I will let it. Theres no point in fighting against something so pure and beautiful. If religion was forced upon me, I would not choose to worship any god-like figure I would simply worship the ocean as it can and will promise me everything a 'god' will. It will give me protection, love, eternal existance and a certain death.

Drag me by the heart strings...



                                                   ­        Make me feel something.

I'm always
                   tired and
                                  sick;
find the security in that.

My mind wanders
                               way
                                      too
                                           close
to the edge;
                   it's wiating to be pushed.
there is no comfort in that.

Sparkling red droplets
                                     tangle
                                                their
                                                         way
around wrists, a beautiful dance of mixing sins.

There is no security, no safety, no comfort
within me anymore.

I wish ladybeetles could talk,


They'd tell the sweetest stories.

Does that mean my wisdom teeth
have finally spoken to you?
They know things I don't.

Will you finally give me freedom
or do I have to search for that too?
A longer leash would be good.

Finally, growing up
in your eyes, Ma.
I hope I'm making you proud.

When I'm done losing teeth,
when I'm done growing old,
I want to be able to say
I've changed the world.

One last question, though,
Ma, will the tooth fairy come?

We left the front light on last night,
Hoping you'll find your way home,
Through the fog and the beasts,
We didn't sleep last night,
We couldn't bare the thought,
We couldn't think,
Where did you go?
You didn't come home,
And we still don't know,
Like insomnia infested zombies,
We paced into the early hours,
All these worried tears,
Never, never scared us so much,
Then the phone rang...

Only to be a false alarm,
A telemarketer,
Who couldn't quite speak our language,

Once a bright home,
Now so dark and soulless,

A Tap.     Tap.      Tap.
In the early hours,

"Hello Officer..."

I've never collapsed before,
I've never screamed so much I've choked,
And I've never thrown up swallowed tears,
But they found you,
The police man said they found you,
Mutilated in a ditch,
By the park.

I'm going to make a collage
of all the things you never said
to me
And burn it.

I'm going to put all the pictures
of us together
in a folder
and burn it.

I'll make a list
of sentences
of words
that i remember
you spoke
and burn it too.

I'll compose an array of feelings
smiles and tears
that you left with me here
and burn it.

And if I could
I'd take every memory
from my
unforgetting mind
leave them in this house
and if I could
if only I could
I'd let fire consume this house too.

I.
You seem so... pertrified
Quivering in familiar surroundings.
Spinning; you fall unaware
Of your lungs collapsing.
I hear the bells chime...
I know it's the end.

II.
This was never your fault.

III.
Sitting stagnant deep
Within the volcano's heart,
Keeping a sacred soul rhythm,
Clutching starving hands;
My breath strangling their lungs.
As I erupt
I wonder how many
Souls I break
With the tree roots I rip from underneath them.
I wonder how much suffering
Triggers a beautiful
R E B I R T H.

IV.
I don't have a pulse.

V.
A silence sits inside my pressurized skull,
So loud and so deafening that the monsters
Dwelling in my ears cannot hear the world scream.

VI.
I mourn the death of things
Before they are lost.
I've built gravestones for relationships
Prior to them having the slightest itch to melt away.
Rigor Mortis settles into my heart
I sit frozen and stiffened
Waiting for a world around me to deteriorate.
I anticipate the last breath to escape our lungs
With a whisper of "goodbye".

VII.
I have pulled myself apart to put you back together.

Lucy,
Stop this senseless spinning,
We can't see you,
You're mixing in with blurry lights.

"Why don't the tummy good?
My tummy isn't good.
HEY LOOK!
I'm flying!"

We were standing on our apartment building
She thought she was soaring through those clouds
They were just holding her down.
"Higher.
Higher.
I'm flyin..."
THUMP

Poor little Lucy,
Couldn't handle her alcohol.
Maybe she was too young,
Maybe she wasn't ready.
But,
She wanted to get drunk.

She always dreamt of flying.

Nobody knows why.

Every day is the same

             You wake up and it's grey,


               Broken, empty and choking.

        
                  Until one day, your body,
    
                      Subconsciously,


                         Makes the conscious decision


                              To never wake up again.



                And then you're lost, in a darkness
                That was never yours to hold.

Broken and
dismembered,
You're in pieces
bleeding to death
on the lounge room floor.

This place is a mess
and you've become
the worst of the best.

Welcome to a
hell drenched home
where you'll bleed
'til you're empty
and rot to death.

With pretty scars
and stolen fame.

These crows
they feast on
your eyes but
you can still
see torture.

This is so fair.

Mixmatched and in flames.
Keep the pain.
Keep the pain.

Hide the glitter
Swallow the shame.
swim through eyes
but close your mouth
don't eat the vile
grey brain.

Smell the dead roses,
dear.
They smell almost
as sweet as you
and the death touch
you harbour.

Spread your torn
angel wings, set them alight
and fly, baby, fly.

Spin through falling clouds
as we cleanse the world
of you.

We'll welcome you back one day,
until then,
who the **** are you?

Choke on every
dream you ever
thought was real.

Claw at every
lie you ever
thought was true.

Wash your hands
clean of yourself.

Become pure again
in all your impurities.

Smile. Smile. Smile.

Sharpen your ******* teeth
and bite.

Who the **** are you again?

Spread the disease
of putrid impurities.

Spread the disease of you.

Broken bones and fractured skulls
How much longer can we take the heat?
They expect us to be okay
Under depression and the weight of the world
But have they ever measured it?
Our knee caps are exploding
We're falling apart
No ones ever done it quite so tragic
Hearts have never been so full of plastic
And so scarred with paper cuts
Swords in our eyes and we breathe
Through rotten lungs and sewed up mouths
Happiness and death have never been so similar
We have no idea why we're here
Or who we are, our heads are high
And bleeding from our ears
Filthy words and filthy judgements
We turn to the only acceptable places left
And they still don't apporove
Much of the drugs we take
And many of the liquids consumed
Are just for the relief of them
Those horrible humans
Who think they're better than us; the outcasts
Too bad they made us who we are.

It's okay,
It's okay because
I'll follow you into the rabbit hole
and eat that cake with you
so that together,
we're bigger than the world.
It's fine,
It's fine because
If you ever slip off the edge
I'll jump straight after you
so niether of us are alone in this world.
It's all better,
It's all better because
Deppressions depths
wont take you alone anymore,
I'll sit through the tears, screaming, blood and pain
just to wait for the day you smile.
It's perfect,
It's perfect because
You are beautiful
you make me feel beautiful
and I'd give up the world,
just to stay with you forever
even if that means
getting lost in Wonderland
Or soaring off the cliff we both love so much.

Like mood swings
on a pendulum,

My desire to give a ****
has gone again.

Only glass shatters
stop your plastic tears,

You're too **** precious to know a paper cut
I'll scream at you real world fears.

There aren't enough hours in the day,
For every bird to sing it's sad, sad song,
And there isn't enough human ears,
Willing to listen to such *******,
The little wren's chirp,
Is only a siren song,
To warn you of the little things in life,
That people are yet to notice,
It's so wrong how feather's litter the sky,
But we don't fall down to devastation,
We simply catch feather's, adding them to our hair,
Birds are like the invisble beauty of the earth,
No one actually gives a **** about their existence.

We were lost,
in the deepest,
darkest forest of death.
The blood had flooded in
and drained the trees
of everything but sin.
And we were there
dark, shadowy figures
chasing the darkness
longing for it's warmth
but we slipped and fell
on the moon's sweet beams.
Slowly you began feeding
I looked at you confused
and you nodded,
I knew what you were doing now.
"Tonight, We feast on their blood!"
And we drank three humans blood
all night long,
toasting to things we shouldn't know of.
Once they were drained
we left their empty bodies
in the formation of 666
calling upon the devil.
Our eyes turned black
and we sang til our posessed bodies
could sing no more.

She's beautiful,
but she doesn't see it.
She's beautiful,
But she can't see it.
These thoughts that consume her mind
Drown out every compliment
This girl ever receives.
It's sad to see.
Never has she noticed
The amount of people around her
That love and respect her.
She can't see it
And that's what sad.
The most beautiful soul
I have ever met
But she's letting these voices
Get to her head.

I can't stand it.
She can't see it.

She's so beautiful.

And when that fire in your eyes burns out
I will try my hardest not to breathe in the smoke.
And even though without that flame
Your flesh will rot, morphing colours from pink to black
I will love you all the same.