i'm doin all i can
but nothing seems okay
i only know what i've been taught
but i'm too young to understand
that no matter what i do
and no matter how i fight
i cannot change the way
that i saw her look at you

i dont wanna lie
i hate to
but i'm not really lying
i just can't face you
i admit it
i'm scared
i've given so much of myself
to people who just didnt care
but i'm past that now
and i can do my best
i just need you to keep me from falling out of step
and making a mess
i wish i could see myself
through your eyes
then i maybe i would feel
like it's not all a lie
i dont know
i make no sense
it doesnt make
a difference
all i am saying
is that im afraid 
that i will make
a dumb mistake
forgive me for
my indiscretion 
my secrets are all i have
in my possession

Mind racing
Angry pacing
Not breathing
Inwardly seething

Chit, chat, chatter
I want to climb down the ladder

This constant game
My mind, I can’t tame

Bipolar express
Unbearable
I’m a mess

Constantly fearing
My chemicals veering
Down a different path
How long this time?

So high that I can’t come down
So low that I...

Bed.
Can’t get out.

H E A D

Can’t
                   get


              out.

all you want is promises
you dont want reality
truth is you could have it all
and you still wouldn't be happy

all you want is promises
but i need to stay honest
so i won't make one to you
my promise to myself is strongest

praying to a god
i'm not sure exists
asking for the answers
to the questions that persist
because i know what it means
to feel like i cant be fixed
like regardless of how hard i try
something's amiss
what did i do to
deserve all of this
i know that i am strong
but i am tired of proving it

im no1s number 1 n thats 2 bad
its 3 am n im dying 4 u 2 luv me back

leave me alone
somedays I just want to feel it all