I never knew,
it could hurt this much.
Feeling so lost,
and so out of touch.
I break the surface,
but get pulled back down.
My will to struggle,
fights my desire to drown.
Every day, it's tortured thoughts,
of memories we made.
Now I know, that they're all false,
and my sanity simply fades.
So now the question is the gun or pills,
the razor blade or rope?
Each day, the idea makes more sense,
as I'm slowly losing hope.
If I could just be thrown away,
what use could I be?
And if I see you with him,
I'll lose my sanity.
The dreams are the worst.
because they're still happy you see.
For just a moment, when I wake up,
you're still lying next to me.
Then the walls, come crashing down,
and the memories rush in.
I have to relive everything,
again, and again, and again.
Then it's once again the gun or pills,
the rope or razor blade,
as I traverse the life we built,
and the emptiness you made.
This could be purgatory,
or it really could be hell,
but if there is a difference,
then I simply cannot tell.
I just want the pain to end,
no matter what it takes,
because no one should have to live,
feeling they're a mistake.
I simply can't take it,
my heart hurts inside my chest.
I tried to be a good man,
but I failed to do my best.
So now it's just a choice,
I just have to choose the way.
I've finally found some happiness,
cause this pain will end today.
I'm Sorry
This is a poem that I wrote two years ago today. Time healed what it could, but the scars are still here.