worth it 6.4.25 (7:22 pm / 19:22)
you’re a little hard to love often enough
you’re a little difficult to tell what’s up
but you’re completely worth it

you are worth every single tear shed
you are worth every angry text sent
you are worth every moment of silence
you are worth every second you breathe
and breathe and live

you’re a little strange sometimes
you’re a little embarassing, i’ll admit
but you’re forever worth it

only once 6.4.25 (7:15 pm / 19:15)
you know, i know
that only once the world has ended
that only once the rain drowns us all
that only once the seas have risen too far
that only once our graves are dug and
we are buried
that only once we have been dead for a million years

that’s when i’ll stop loving you

[playing: supernatural by ariana grande]

one thing and then the other 6.4.25 (8:00 pm) / 20:00)
sometimes i wonder-
well
so many things
a lot really

is betrayal just a metaphor?
for what, honestly, i’m falling apart
i can barely tell what i feel like anymore
sad? happy? one thing and then the other

i’m not in control anymore
i’m a control freak, yes
i can’t stand not knowing what happens next
i’m afraid

maybe i’m spiraling down
or maybe i’m standing on regular ground?
maybe i’m falling falling falling
or maybe you’re holding me up?

maybe everything is breaking shattering broken
or it could be all fine?

maybe i’m laughing maybe i’m smiling
maybe i’m crying maybe my tears are flooding
the floor and drowning me
maybe i’m happy.

i really don’t know

I don't burst into tears
I fall into tears
silently
gracefully
like a practiced maneuver
like a missing piece falling back into place
I fall into tears
like they can somehow protect me

it is true 5.31.25 (10:03 pm / 22:03)
it is true i wished to die,
and perhaps so i wish still,
is this not lawful for all
prisoners?

it is true that my first thought
on a balcony was how far the fall
and not how beautiful the view
is this not lawful for all those trapped?

i am a bird in a cage
the key is sitting just outside

i am the swan with clipped wings
leda of sparta
no longer a girl
but still unable to fly away and escape

it is true,
it is true,
it is true

it is true i wished to fly,
and so i wish still,
is this not lawful for all birds?

[playing: softly by clairo]

pride month 6.1.25 (5:10 pm / 17:10)
you were right, i guess
even though you don’t know yet

you have always been right about me
you have always known me better than myself
i have always been better in your eyes

i know i should be prouder
i know i should know better

[playing: till forever falls apart by ashe and finneas]

help me 6.1.25 (5:07 pm / 17:07)
how bad can i possibly feel
how far down can i sink
before finally losing consciousness
how long until i drown in this well of sadness
i dug for myself?

how many times can one person
apologize for themself
how many times can one girl
feel so sorry about who she is?

i don’t even know when i went wrong,
god help me