I regret a decision I have made
In these consequences I will wade
She gone now without a thought
Thinking of all the battles we fought

The thing is we are only human
We made decision on what we feel within
Sometimes they are good sometimes they are bad
This one was terrible, and I'm missing what I had.

That night I did not sleep
All I did was profusely weep
I realized what I had lost
and now I suffer the cost

When you left you took my words
You took my heart
I no longer hear the birds
I sit alone in darkness bitter and ****

I regret what I have done
Can you forgive me and admit you won
You blocked major contact
so how is my daughter? but I can't get that fact

I love you with no doubt
You are what living was about
I cry and your name I shout
but my voice has gone out

Please forgive this choice
I need to hear your voice
And to feel your touch
I can't stand this reality, I miss you too  much

Strap me up in a bullet proofless vest.
Empty the clip and let the lead to the rest.
I want to hear my bones break and see my skin rip.
I can hear my last exhale and ****** drip.

What do you do
When a loved one comes to you
With a glock in hand
With a simple demand

Save  me

You get locked in place
Your heart furiouos beginning to race
The numbing of your mind
You close your eyes hoping you can rewind

Their hands around cold steel
Their life it wants to steal
They shake in fear
But the end goal is clear

What do you do when they scream

SAVE  ME

This is where I failed
My thoughts were jailed
All I could do was speak with my eyes
Which brought on my demise

Hovering over the lifeless
Crimson painted in a slant
For my eyes spoke,

I  *Can't

My life is the grey area between happiness and depression.

She is my escape from reality; my gift of joy.

True anger is just the release of your inner madness.

I remember the day we met
How our feelings in stone were set
They were the happiest moments that we did share
Even though our arguments had me ripping out hair

You were so beautiful a kind
You were something I thought I could never find
Your lips sent a shock down my spine
Your touch let me know we would shine

Seeing you was something I looked forward too
Your smile could end war
Your laugh I wanted to hear more
With that I easily fell for you

You.

You became everything in my world
Anything in our path we hurled
Out of the way
To make us better the next day

I began to think you were the one
You were my Moon and Sun
Then out of nowhere you cut the ties
You admitted all the lies

My world crashed onto my face
Scarred with disgrace
My thoughts shut down
My face stamped with a permanent frown

Now all I do is write poems to say
How the one thing I needed in life got away

Despite it all there is something I will always do…


*“I Forgive you.”

I was saved by myself when I wanted to die.

I've fallen into that inner void
That you'd do your best to avoid
All I find is a Jester laughing like I said the joke
But looking at a replay of my life
The King lights his smoke

Thinking of his past Queens
Looking at all the inbetweens
The rights and wrongs
The places where feeling belongs

But this void is angry and seething
Its a Demon and its teething
With a enraged disgust and distrust
Its a beast that hates one of it's own
Listen you simply must

I've seen the real you and you're no Skipper
You're no Queen, you were the Ripper
You were the Jack of all trades, master of them all
But only the ones that guarantee your King's fall

You just simply do not exist
Please don't resist
Just ride your white cloud into hell
You to me are nothing, as I can tell

The King puts out his smoke
In the end you were the Joke

You showed no mercy with your decision
When you made the first incision
You took my heart and you ripped it out
you taped my mouth to muffle my shout

You drove me to insanity
because of the loss of your humanity
You were loving with with entry
When me and you was We

Now you are deranged
Your love is mixed with hate and rearranged
I don't know what brought this upon you
This just isn't what the old you would do

Now I'm lying here fading in and out
You've taken a huge piece of me, no doubt
I now forget what I lived for
Constantly wondering why you never came back through the door

There is almost nothing more calming
When the one you love
kisses you on the forehead
when they think you are asleep

Without you I'm content with life
All you did was brandish a knife
And named it love, but the hilt was made of self-deception
That you'd go for like an interception
Just like you'd intercept my feelings
With playing the victim and all your dealings
With the demons you swore to never be
We'll see who you become when you can't leech off me

"I won't ***** you over."

For once in my life,
I need this to be real.
You know my past and present
understand how it might feel.
I know your situation
and I know it in and out
But despite it all I can't help but feel
That I'm only around from partial desperation.
I mean not this so harsh
But it's the bold reality
I'm so scared that you could leave a permanent laceration.
You can tear me apart
Without using your hands
You can take control of me
With such simple demands
I am scared that I might end up the puppet
and not the puppeteer
So please don't let me down
I have given you it all
If you choose to fail me,
Just simply let me drown.

I am yours
So let's close the doors
Sip a glass of wine
To cross the line

To a place between intimacy and lust
It's me you can trust
I'm the painter you the canvas
We'll both just practice

Lips tracing your jugular vein
All pleasure no pain
With everything to gain
The path is lain

I'll find that you within
That doesn't mind simple sin
While skin to skin
Once titatium now tin

Bending and moving with ease
I'll do all you please
I'll fulfill your needs
Every whimper just new pleads

Let us walk hand in hand
Leaving footprints in the sand
Let us look in each others eyes
and make sure that neither cries
Let us hold each other tight
Knowing that we are each others light
Let us kiss in the rain
Let the sensation soak away the pain
Let us be together
Let us last forever

Leave me to the sea. Where I can float effortlessly. Lost in though and weightless. The most free I can be.

Two bottles down
Tonight, I choose to drown
Come on mind, what do you have to say?
I mean it has to happen someday

You seem so quiet tonight
You're not yelling, there's no fight
But I feel fright
It's not a goodnight

There's no will to be dead
So why is it in my head
It's the Angel with the lead
And the Demon with the bed

Where I know I shouldn't sleep
But I can stay and weep
Is this really how I feel
So certain it has the King's seal

I'll just let myself drown
Tonight I crown a fragile frown

Streamlined with I'm fine
Going backwards
On constant rewind

With no forward way about
I don't even feel the need to shout
I'll cry my mercury tears
To rid my life of the poison
We call fears

Dancing on the edge of reality
One false move a fatality
While I remenice about times
I don't even miss
Killing myself softly
With a false sense of bliss

Ripping out my nerves
Thinking
I deserve this
As if it's completely sane
To hand myself my own pain

We tried to sail with a ship already on fire.

I'd rather cease to exist because I'm honestly never missed.

You know you are someone that lives in your mind,
when words can paint a better picture
then a drawing.

Well I'm back with stuff to say
So I hope if you're reading you will stay
I've got heartbreak and many a lesson
With my words I won't be messin'
Around with them, not a single word
I won't stop even if left unheard
Even if the paper begins to light
I'll continue to write
Because this is a witness to my fight
Thats always on my mind
Peace was long gone, but it's what I find
That makes me just say I'm fine
I'll set myself on rewind
And scribe all of my pain
Because, ****, I'm sick of the rain

I* am drowning
     my love
                    No frowning
                                I forgive *you

Here I am knowing that this is all wrong
That there is just not a chance to get along
but I sit here with you in mind
No one around, no one to find
Wondering if things could rewind
To the time where love got left behind
But what would we have done different
That didn't have us so spent
Living off toxic fumes from the past
It's no wonder we couldn't last
Let's dye our hair and lie saying we don't care
That life ***** and isn't fair
But you're stuck on the objective to compare
If you want your hands through his or my hair
Swimming in the shallow of demise
I simply know it's not wise
But it's different when you realize
That your tainted feelings are real
I'll use this drink to soothe how I feel
I know it's the last time I'll kneel
To help someone that saw me as a meal

You weren't meant to be a lover, but a lesson.

I think the worst pain is when your heart is reaching out for someone's who isn't reaching back

Sometimes I wonder if I can ever
climb out of this feeling that is so clever
It stays with me when I eat
It lives in my heart with every beat
It craves when I get dragged down
It lives when I wear my frown
It stays with everything I do
except when I am with you
but this feeling I have long known,
*It's being Alone

Tunnel vision for lies
Wrapped in silk white
For the many one cries
Creating a craving blight

What is love while you think of another man
I think you need to revise your plan
It's not working out
Your past clarifies that no doubt
Take that step into loneliness
And you'd stop being such a mess
Accept yourself and all your flaws
Only then your glow will drop jaws
Stop believing your self-deception
Leave yourself, go alone, and face self-reflection

Let me face your fears,
Let me soak in your tears,
Let me stitch your open heart,
Let you live within me,
I will then show you what true happiness can be.

So what's behind this door
What? Could there be more?
**** it lets see what's there
Every once in awhile I'll pull your hair
Out of the waters that you drown with no care
Hmm walking talking waiting for the next call
Leading us to the lair
Like we don't know at all
That there's a miscommunication
But we'll treat it like a simulation
We'll keep working in the dealings
Finding another reason to deal with the feelings

Its time to lay waste to my past
I will attempt to make this my last
Its time to move on from my attempts that failed
Along with my life that completely derailed

I will do this to write a new past with you
Remembering every detail and word of what we do
I'm at my happiest with you at my side
And in my heart you will always reside

I am grateful for your beating heart
You fixed in me what fell apart
I am grateful for the person you simply are
And I will wait for you to be by me again, near or far

Time feels like two steps forward and seven steps back.

Hope and Faith decided it was time to pack.

So, I smoke another bowl to drown it all out.

That gut slaughtering emotion, of true
self-doubt.

Wondering if any choice you make is right.

Pondering, if there's anymore reason to fight.

Just another smoke after a ****,
Forcefully laughing at another joke.

But now I can't even speak.
Time's a great teacher, but it's future is bleak.

If there one thing driving me insane
Is that I still have the pain
Of my anger inside me
Anger that you can see
Why couldn't you give, to hear my plead
That I am in fear and in need
That this anger could overtake my mind
Who knows what you'd find
If you told me not to do that now
Or to find ways to figure out how
To quell my inner child's rage
But you skipped that page
and went right for my heart
Then wondered why I ripped you apart
You sought not to help with what remains
You forever sought personal gain
Let that sink in to your soul
You cared not to help a part, of someone that gave
themselves whole

What do you see
when you look at me?
Do you see the fire and demise
or the love and happiness in the skies?

When you look at my eyes
Can you see all the lies
or do you see all the hate?
There is very little good, it's my fate

When you hear my words
Is it beautiful like chirping birds?
Or do you hear the hurt
so much pain, crumpled up in the dirt

When you hold me tight
can you see the light
that you radiate so bright?
It makes my world so right

When you look at me
I hope you see
The love, the birds, the good
and to be your light too,

I would.

I'm a drunken slur
Our 9 months a blur
What's real and what's fake
I'll just love the reflection looking in the lake
I guess we'll just say it was fate
It definitely wasn't heaven there was no gate
I'm at a loss for words as of now
And I just wonder how
If I'll ever see you an human again
I get frustrated and in pain
When I hear your name
You're just lonely and lame
Afraid to face life and its choices
You're listening to the wrong voices
I've lost faith my dear
It's you I hate and now fear

The nickname given by an ex
That made me realize I never
Want a next

I'd rather be alone
And forget how to care

Than to find someone for me
Only to find out too late
That it's not meant to be

I'm dwelling in the catacombs of my mind
Where the bones of past me's come to be grind
Fuel for my Demons power, just temporary
But it all goes except the memory

It contains my deepest fear
But nothing draws near
As if I'm welcomed here
I see myself and it's my eyes to leer

The consequences of hate
Is a sour fate
Watching yourself become what you relate
Walking into your hells' gate

What is Love?
Does anyone know?
We all seem lost
With nowhere to go.

I'd rather sit and remenice
Thinking,
I miss this.
Adding 'Something Real' to my
Wish list.

My heart doesn't even want to give.
It's even failing to remember
Why it wants to live.
Thinking it gets better if you just
Forget and Forgive.

What is Love?
Does anyone know?
I just don't think
This was how it's supposed to go.

You bore your wooden hatchet
Into the stump of my heart,

But now it's overgrown and
beginning to fall apart.

Your time has come to its realistic end,

As I watch the last of my wounds completely mend.

Nearly everything is a distraction, to prevent honest self-discovery.