I like keeping things in and away
But my eyes don't lie, and people can see

this time last year, the world fell around me
everybody's lives in shambles and rubble and
me, standing alone on a precipice, fine and unscathed
because someone was holding me up.
this year, God's holding me up. the world is still falling
but I don't depend on you anymore
I've found my own way, found my own way to stand.
Thank God for that. Thank you, thank you, thank you God.

if I got even an inkling that you wanted to be in my life
my arms would be out like they are to anyone that puts in
one percent of effort, anyone that even smiles at me
is my friend. If you don't want that then you don't.
But it sure ain't my fault.

You lured me away from home, just to save you from being alone
you stole my soul and that's a pain I can do without.

I miss my family
I miss my family I miss my family I miss my -

Throw down your ammunition
i have enough to tear myself apart.

No one contact me by my phone
I won't be going anywhere anytime soon
No contact, nothing
Left to sit in my room and rot
Decay, don't call me, don't text
I am numb, back to numbness
Defense mechanism against
Fear

I'm a plane on autopilot
in a constant state of "whatever"
days pass me by but they all seem to blur together.

my head is so foggy i can barely think straight; I'm trudging through life in a depression-induced haze.

the heart in my chest is far heavier than it should be, my stomach is in knots and everything hurts my feelings.

I try to control it and I try to be okay, but I can't help it in the car when tears stream down my face.

I'm a lit fuse, an active volcano, a grenade ready to blow. any little thing that happens causes my cup of emotions to overflow.

I feel so trapped, there's no way out of my head. I don't even find comfort under the covers in my own bed. there's nothing I can do to put these demons to rest.

because I'm not a child who finds security in a teddy bear or a blanket or a rocking chair. I can't color away my problems when I feel that nobody cares.

usually this would be the resolution
stanza where I say what will solve the problem, but I don't know how to and that scares me. I hope I find my way soon.