Emotional train wreck.
That term best describes the mess of emotional nerves that is me.
One minute I am calm, flowing through life as graceful as a leaf gliding on an autumn breeze.
But in a sudden blink of the eye I become a train wreck.

I am careening off the tracks of my life.
The impending crash brings on the pessimism of my disease.
Anger, depression, and grief all these emotions fill me as the train comes to the break in the tracks.

And suddenly without any hint of salvation the brakes are pulled into action.
Calm fills me once again and I am at peace; happiness showing on my face, I am relieved for a moment that the ride is finally over.
I have a moment’s time to compose myself before the ride begins once more.
There are never any malfunctions on this ride.
I will always be stuck on this never ending train ride.

The brew within is,
resurrection in a cup.
I am now complete.

I am that helpless fly struggling to break free from a spider's web.
The one that awaits inescapable predetermined death.

I am the moth who quietly hovers above a candle's open flame.
The one who could care less about if its wings caught fire or hadn't.

I am the girl.
The one who silently sat by as her heart shattered within her chest;
pain filling her.
Pain that bore a familiarity to the first time she gained hope that everything would turn out for the better.

I am the girl.
The girl who would carelessly make the mistake of letting you back into her conciseness.
The girl, who no matter what she progressed through, continues clinging to the fondest fleeting memories.
Ones that only, with imitational happiness, shroud the grief and agony she has been put through.

I am that foolish girl,
who even after all this time still welcomes you with
open arms and tear stained cheeks.

Sippy cups to shot glasses
Skinned knees to broken hearts
Puppy love to marriage*

Why must the bliss be replaced with
Remorse and sorrow?
What ever happened to the time of cooties and boys being “icky”?

Soon baby dolls will be replaced with infants,
And sports cars will take the place of your hot wheels.

Sleepovers turn into obscene rumors.
Chubby cheeks turn into eating disorders.

I’m not ready to grow up yet.
I want to stay naive to reality,
Let me stay ignorant.

It’s inevitable that we have to grow up sooner or later
But why sooner than later?

Here for a moment,
Just borrowing fleeting time.
Blink and you are gone.