broken in paradise
the love(r) that wears a knife
the dreams that smoke between the nights
stale in a room of wonder
glitter dancing in the gutter
I’m calling for you I’m screaming
please be nice
please love me
please please please
a broken record of a woman
alone in a ruin
of mildewed furs and bad aftertastes
sunrise
sunset
it’s all the same
a waste

******* and no chase
thrill
stupid
**** **** **** **** ****
love that hits you like a truck
dying in the middle of the road
carcass picked on bones
begging for more
begging
come home

dessimating my free will
with my hand between my legs                                     sweaty n cold
and my the pinball
hungering for holes and big scores
in some beaten down alley
at the end of every road
my fathers crooked smile and a jand job
the ghost, the lover of yesterday
that american dream sinking in the credit hole
so dddeeeep it sunk beneath the bone
stings like the word no
blinding elephants
riding the tital wave
earth
there is no captain
only karma
holding us captive
a taste of our sewers
on the sweet ladies lips
ooo.
   look.
      ****.

i wear a pretty pink bow
i'm sorry i'm broken
you're broken too
a ***** night we get lost in
playing tumbleweed to the
curbs of nowhere in neon
people trampling on people
i never said i was pretty
but i've got allure

BOY GIRL BOY GIRL BOY GIRL BOY GIRL BOY GIRL




Experiments in my perversity
Yes I'm on all 4's
I know what I'm doing
But I don't know what for
A cat scratch catch
Leather and rope
A lost little girl
Strangled hold
3 boys calling me daddy
1 calls me home
Some give me money
Some play rock n roll
Some are married
Some are poor
They keep me running
But I don't know what what for
Mama says “things r harder when ur ugly
So don't bet ur chips on ur looks
U too will get old and be neglected”
But I like ugly and *****
Under the freeway score
Hurt me
take it
buy this
obsess obsess
tell me I'm the best
That I'm wanted
That this high won't die
Wilted lovers
On every road
I drift by
A million sunrise cries
Then goodbye







Experiments in my perversityExperiments in my mymymy perversityExperiments in my perversityExperiments in my perversityExperiments in my perversityExperiments in my perversityExperiments in my perversityExperiments in my perversityExperiments in my perversityExperiments in my perversityExperiments in my perversityExperiments in my perversityExperiments in my perversityExperiments in my perversityExperiments in my perversityExperiments in my perversityExperiments in my perversityExperiments in my perversityExperiments in my perversity

***** dogs singing to the owls
sirens climbing up the clouds
an orange haze howls and holds the city in
the city that goes on forever
into other cities crumbling into each others arms
laughing at the scurry below
us rats riding on a borrowed fate
hoping for a day when things will slow
to catch our breath and know
what [it] is to be


1/13/11

Burnt plastic and sweettarts
Exhaust and high stripped knee sox
The sun in the elevator sun
13 and high
Tossed to the side
Suburban lies
Nobody wants me even me
Especially me
Ill bet the gods
All odds against
This puny lie of a girl
A trashcan eulogy
Of mens greasy hands and beauty magazines I can't be
A doughnut I shouldn't eat
A home with no sweet
A school that's a street
Winding in circles
Around dogmatic beliefs
Whatever that means
I don't know who the **** I'm supposed to be
A tooth of ragged scream
Yeah 13
This is me
Yeah 13 **** me
Yeah 13
I'm done with everything
I could drive all night if I had a car
Listening to that sick rock n roll
I'd **** a girl if I only knew how
I'd go to sf and live with my party sister if only she’d let me
I can twist on my floor
Slam all the doors
Crawl to the beat
Abandoned truth un noosed in this distant melody
I roll between my ribs
It'll be ok
At least I hope I is
When I'm 18
And I I can leave
The ***** truths of parasite parenting
I will b
B free
Yeah maybe someday
Eyeliner
Bubblegum
And a rock band
someday
less heartache
I can’t wait

there’s a broken sword and a half sung song next to my grandmothers bed

beneath the sheer white curtains that slow dance hypnotical, shadows live family photos and unfinished books

a sun that sways into the soft orange then swoops to the deep blues and vanishes behind the white walls and glass I’m staring at

while curled in a u holding a white ball of blanketed warmth that snores and radiates history, trauma, love, and strength

the ancestors breathe their fingers in a tired ocean caress down our faces

the radio news is on telling stories of victories and poverty

nana is in my arms fragile

the woman who carried six kids through the dust and desert of broken through the open battlefields to some higher plain of survival

I see her hand, beautiful in its melancholy, perfect white sand dunes of skin, the days laughter still hugging to it

Today she has realized she is powerless over time and her body
So are we all, so are we all.

12/16/10
1115am