I'm taking too much on
Work, gym, writing, hiking, photography
Heartbreak
Loss of you
Loss of friend
Loss of man's best friend
When do I get to breathe
When do I get to enjoy being me
Pressure
Have your own place
Have your own family
Have your own time
When will I break
What more could it take
Too polite
Too kind
Too forgiving
All the positives
Turned against me
When did having a heart become a liability?

When I close my eyes at night
I whisper your name, as if you were there
I still imagine the times I’d hold you tight
When I’d fall asleep, nose in your hair
I mourn losing you as my someone
In my heart I know we are not done
The someone I believed to be my soulmate
How could we let this become our fate?
The love I have for you, my only one
This always was the story of you and me
All of my friends are tired of hearing it
All of my family just tells me to let it be
All of the signs point to setting you free
I don’t listen and maybe that’s my problem
So in all these spaces I cannot fill
I will continue to write to the world
On these pages, that I love you still

It is devastating to think
That after our first date
I thought to myself
That you would be the one
Who I'd fight the world for
Your smile, your laugh
Your patience, your kindness
How your eyes so softly met mine
How easily our fingers seemed to intertwine
And like a complete juvenile
Soaked ear to ear in naivety
I fell so ******* quickly
I loved every inch of you
I wanted to show you off to the world
The very same one
That you did your best to hide me from
Now here again, justifiably at the brink
It is time I love every inch of me

So please forgive me
For my panicked texts, when I feel that I can't breathe
My late night calls, when I can't take you off my mind

Please forgive me for how I can't calm down
When I step out, restless and just say your name to the sky
When I wake at 4am because I cannot sleep through the night

Please forgive me for when I reach out
Even when you ask that I don't
How I can't sit still when there is so much doubt

Please forgive me for fighting for us
When it's all I believe that I am meant for
For the things I say out of desperation

Please forgive me for begging for a sign
For how I feel so hopeless, seemingly no end in sight
Hopelessly in love with you, from afar, most of all when you're mine

They say that when you’re hungry
That you learn real fast what is important
I haven’t eaten in three days
Why is my mind still on you

Fear of wounds from the past
A broken man unearthed once again
Fear of unending convalescence
Stemmed from the spine of circumstance
Lingering pain of mistakes made in youth
Physical nightmares
Please forgive me, my corporeal self
My judgement was clouded
And now I am the better man
That I should have been back then
People say I'm lucky that I still breathe
A part of me died that day
They should of left me there, beneath the trees