and the father told the son
"you are more
than i could ever have become"

they don’t know.
they don’t know
who i am
how i write
the ways i’m hurting
they think they know
but all they know
is what i choose to share
what i choose to show
they don’t know me.
and they don’t care
enough to notice
they know nothing at all

we wanted to grow up
oh how badly did we want
to grow up
to grow old
to be better.
if only someone had told us
that's not how it works.
we just grow old
things don't go better
and we'll just feel worse

I can hear
hearts beating
and souls whisper
but I can't bear
to hear
your name
spoken out loud.
Because you are
what my soul whispers
and my heart beats for

it's this fear
this kind of dread
that things are bound
to go wrong.
cause it's been
going good
for way too long.
surely
it's about time
I take the misery
that everyone else has been feeling
and make it mine

i think of you
from time to time
more often
than i like
to admit

do you think of me?

i think of you
most late at night
when all’s gone quiet
and there’s no one left
but me

and you deep in my mind

i think of you
i think of you
i think of you
more than i care
to admit

will you ever think of me
again?

a voice
mocking me from afar
no, or is it from within?
How could i be so foolish?
allow myself to feel
what never could have been
a voice
bringing me down
making me kneel
oh please
“you thought this was real?”

And they came to me
and asked
"Is this
what you imagined?"
And I said
"Yes.
But only in my nightmares"

let me love you
like the moon loves the sun:
addicting
like the rain loves the clouds:
fitting
like the light loves the darkness:
contradicting
let me love you
in the light of the moon
and when the sun shines bright
let me love you
when it’s raining
and there are clouds in the sky
let me love you
in all your goodness
and the darkness too
let me love you
like i love you

“these are classics”
he tells me
but i can barely listen,
focused on his voice
his eyes
his heart
his kindness
i do not need
to go to heaven
i have already
seen it all
down here
with you

you’ve taken
roots in me
spreading
all throughout
my core
you’re blossoming
inside my chest
so much
i cannot find
my way
back home


to myself

and now i am Atlas
shouldering the weight of the past
all on my own

i'm invisible
for those
who care
or pretend
they can
see me

i'm invisible
for those
around
who claim
to be
like me

i'm invisible
wherever
i go
this is
how it's
always been

It's cold again
no people to hold
no one wants
to stay close

In the face
of darkness
none seem
to care

Solidarity forever
but only
for a short while

I don't want
to stay cold

i play
with words
to paint a picture
of other people
and their lives
of feelings
they try to hide
can i call myself
a poet
when i am lost
for words
to describe
what is happening
inside
myself?

you may be frightened
and unsure of what to do
but within you shines
the power to be true

it’s okay
to not have answers
it’s to okay
to hide away

as long as you come out
and start to try again

years ago
i had presents ready
and stayed up all night
memories ago
i had paragraphs written
and typed out my heart
lifetimes ago
when we were
friends
but today
i sit quietly in the dark
still staying up late
only now
the words barely leave my mind
and get stuck in my throat:
Happy Birthday
i only wish
we’d still talk

i miss you
i’d shout
into the clouds
but it’d turn into fog
for the truth
is becoming ever clearer
i do not miss you
i miss
what we used to be
i miss the version of me
that only you remember

does it ever get easier?
remembering?
has anything
ever been as difficult
as letting go?

i despair
i wallow
in my own misery

i laugh
i live
i move on

and realise
the world keeps turning
without you
in my life