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josh wilbanks Nov 2016
I've gone from 2 cups to candies.
Whoops.
Took a few too many.
Looks like i'll be chasing ghosts
   ~From when i was a kid.
Hailie is my ghost
josh wilbanks Oct 2016
I was born with a glass cup.
My brothers and sisters,
They had plastic ones.

My older sister dropped her cup once.
She picked it up, washed it off, and filled it back up with water.

I too eventually dropped my cup.
I picked it up, washed it off, and cut my finger on the chipped rim.
I didn't understand why;
My sisters glass was fine -
     What happend?

One day I met a girl.
She had a glass like mine.
She showed me how to make it look like new - just hide the broken spots.

One day we were playing and i dropped my glass.
She picked it up, and cut her hand.
She left to get a bandaid.
I stay'd to run and play.

It's been 7 years.
Almost half my life.
The doctors filled my glass with cement -
So no more water would spill out.

She found a way to take her cup,
And dip it into plastic.
When she did she caught wind -
Glass is only for the problematic.

I hope someday she'll look at her hand -
That scar i gave to her.
Hopefully she'll not just remember me -
But forgive me for what i've done.
I never ment for this to happen.
I miss her so much. I don't know why.

It's been 7 years.
josh wilbanks Oct 2016
I cut the tip of my finger off.
The pain took my mind off of the problems in my life for a bit.

I took a few pills.
The high took my mind off of the problems in my life for a bit.

Oh, so it only matters when you see it happen. I'll hide my self destruction in these gulps - just for you.
I can't lie to you guys. I'm hiding the truth from myself, not anyone else. I hate the way I hate being sober.
josh wilbanks Oct 2016
I had a dream last night
My mother put me in the pool
There were anchors on my feet
I struggled for air
Because that's what was expected
Eventually I drank
It felt good to be a fish
I don't have to hurt
If nobody wants me to struggle
Depression has me wishing they would give up on me so I could take the easy way out. Coast as a druggie until I'm 21.
josh wilbanks Oct 2016
I quit my swallows for the swallow that the doctor gave me. Never thought i'd see the day they told me getting high would solve my problems. It don't even work no more. I need my self medication.
josh wilbanks Sep 2016
I grew up in a blue house.
I never knew it, but I loved it.
When I was younger I had a dog named bob.
I knew I loved him.
I was walking bob when hailie left.
She never knew I loved her.

Little by little the pieces of this puzzle fell apart.
And they wonder why I relapse.
They wonder why I can't "just don't do it."
They wonder why I dream all day.

They wonder why sobriety is the my handicap.
The bases of my depression is the inability to care about anything anymore. Little by little it keeps growing. It all started with the Blue House.
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