I had a dream
I was in a car with a few of my friends
We were driving down through a neighborhood and all of a sudden we crashed into a tree in front of a house
I went through the windshield and so did the driver
There were no survivors

A wife, husband, and a child who was like 7-8 were standing in the doorway of their house
The husband walked over and was almost in grief
About 5 minutes later you could hear the ambulance sirens dwell

People crowded around behind caution tape
Children were asking their parents what happened and they told them various answers

The ambulances hauled our bodies off
The news was all over it...

Your eyes cross my mind like many other things do
If I had a top 10 list of things that cross my mind everything about you would fill it up
When I think of you my smile comes out and it won't go away because you can't frown at the thought of you

You sit behind your desk with a fake smile telling the parents you’ll do everything you can to make it stop. But nothing will stop. You’re not going to talk to the bully, you’re not going to tell his parents, you’re not going to tell the school system, and you sure as **** are not going to make sure this problem stops.

Are you idiots too stupid to see the problem here?

I started getting bullied in 3rd or 4th grade and didn’t know what to think of it

That was of course until my brother got shoved into a stall (by persons name I will not mention), in 6th grade and his ear started bleeding

That was of course until I was physically and verbally bullied.

I would get called a ***, *******, idiot, loser, freak, “emo”, a waste of space, *****, etc.

That totally got to me and I believed every single word they said

Then comes physical bullying

I got punched in the face in 7th grade for no reason at all and didn’t know how to stand up for myself

In fact the guy who did it, I still see everyday in the halls

Let’s face it, I was 120 pounds of no muscle at all

I also remember a year or two back this huge football player grabbed me and my brother in the headlock and started calling us ****, and when we called him fat, the other football players said that was cold and mean…

Verbal contact still happens today sometimes
Physical contact? Not so much

But I still get made fun of but I’ve learned one thing.

Ignore it.

They don’t know you. They don't know your life. They don't know anything.

They come to you because they know you don't know how to stand up for yourself

But keep these 3 words in your mind through it all.

You are loved.

You’re not alone. There are many others like you. You will never be alone as long as you have those people standing by your side through everything and anything.

(J.A.)

It's funny. Almost a year ago I didn't even see myself living to 18. But now I know I will because it'll be spent with you.

(J.A.)

I'm in sort of a writers block

I want to write about sadness but I have nothing to be sad about

I want to write about happiness but I write about that too often and it feels weird

I currently have my headphones in listening to Pianos Become The Teeth in my own little world

My girlfriend is the only thing that makes me happy

My best friends do as well

I can go to them with any sorts of problem and not be judged

I don't really talk to my family about personal problems because I know they'll judge me

Actually last week my dad said to me "there isn't a single gay bone in your body

I'm not gay at all

I support gay rights, yes

But that doesn't mean anything

It seems the only family I trust is my cousin and sister

I can't even tell my counselor my problems because I know he'll tell my parents and I don't want them to know anything because, like I said, they'll judge  me

It's like if I tell him I'm depressed, he'll tell them and they'll worry and tell me ******* that makes it worse

I'm in a tough spot

(J.A.)