I remember snowy mornings
As a kid before school.
You left before me to catch the bus,
And I remember staring
At your footprints in the melting walkway.
I used to step in the same spots,
Mimicking the trek you just made;
Even though my legs were shorter
And I stretched them what seemed like a mile.
I remember how close
That made me feel to you.
I remember this one time,
This one snippet of a moment,
When we were in our old basement
And you were standing on that old couch,
Your legs bent in a wide second position.
You were laughing, your face framed in silver wire.
Your hair was more red then, and your face more freckled.
You were lanky and tall;
To me you were a giant.
I don't remember what day it was
Or what we were doing,
But I remember you wore a grey shirt
And smiled wide like an idiot,
Standing on that old, second hand couch-
For whatever reason that's now lost in time.
I think until the day I die,
I will always see that image of you
When your name crosses my mind.
I remember this one time,
It was sometime in the Summer
When I boasted to all the kids in the park about you.
Bragging on and on; endlessly
About how my brother was going to be an army man,
And that if I jumped off the edge of the jungle gym
You would be there to catch me.
You stood there the entire time while I ran my mouth,
Trying to pluck up the courage to jump.
After what must have seemed like ages,
I leapt and you caught me.
I don't even know why
But I remember that so clearly.
I remember the day you came home.
That entire year seemed like a blur,
But the day you came home
Was like a kaleidoscope of color and taste
Returning to my previously dulled senses.
The day you left was grey and blurry-
If I think about it long enough
I can feel the same strangling lump in my throat.
When you came back,
My heart was pounding out of my chest
I thought it was going to leave a bruise.
My eyes darting in every direction,
My breathing quick and shallow
It felt like a dream I was afraid to wake up from.
I remember finally spotting you walking off the bus,
And then all of a sudden catapulting myself onto you.
Your uniform scratched me
It left a long scratch for weeks, but I didn't care.
I could finally breath and smile
Without holding back a pained expression
Every time someone asked me how I was-
I must have been holding my breath for months.
If you as a child is how I will see you forever,
Then hugging you in that moment
Will be how I remember feeling pure joy,
For the rest of my life.
I remember so many things
About how it all used to be.
How you let me sleep in your bed
When I was having a bad dream.
How Mom would send us to our rooms,
But we'd only put our toes inside
And stretch out in the hallway,
Just to talk to each other.
How you would wake me up
On Saturday mornings to watch cartoons
On that big yellow and brown blanket you loved.
Those are my favorite memories of you,
They're simple- and admittedly mundane-
That's why I love them so.
When I think of how things are now
I see those moments in my heart.
And for a bittersweet moment,
I remember we used to share so much more than DNA.