I said to your Dad “I want a busy house”.

A home where we may have slept in on a weekday, then we’re rushing to grab a bite of toast before we’re stuck in traffic trying to get you to school on time.

A home where the laundry doesn’t always get done straight away and when it does we have sock fights and pray that the dog doesn’t end up going back to the vets to rescue one of the pair.

A home where you’ll try to eat what you can from your plate and we won’t mind if you snack later in the day. In fact we won’t mind if you wake us up to go on a midnight feast adventure in the middle of the night.

A home where you’ll be happy and grow up and maybe one day want to call your own.

I said to your Dad “I don’t want a busy house, I want a busy home”.

I didn’t know how much I wanted to be a mother,
Until I met the man who would be a fantastic father.

Now I’m waiting for you little one to bring meaning to my life.

Hung a picture on the fridge,
while you were smoking cannabis.
Did you even notice?

I was too young to realise,
your mother was playing favourites and I,
I could never compete.

Always wanted to do you proud,
But I’m looking back at it all now.
Is the point for you just to love me?

K
I remember the party
where I was bullied to ****.
No adult came to help
I was left alone to deal with it.

L and D
I remember the group chat
I thought it was strangely late.
But it had been premeditated
That they wanted me to commit suicide that day.

Before I went to university,
Before I went on to follow my dreams.
My partner at the time, proposed to me.
And I thought it was strange the ring didn’t fit me.

When I flew the nest,
I felt so grown up.
I made some new friends,
who I grew to love.

When I came back home,
I would tell so many stories anew.
My fiancés’ blue eyes began to change into a monstrous hue.
It was from the moment the jealousy began to bloom.

The ring was refitted.
It felt tight.
Like I couldn’t breathe.
Something just didn’t feel right.

When he stayed at my place,
I was so excited to be
with the love of my life…
And he ***** me.

My wings snapped.
Under his weight.
I couldn’t get up,
I couldn’t fly away.

I cried beneath him.
Murmuring “please stop”.
I thought you loved me.
I guess you never loved me at all.

After it was over,
I looked you in the eyes,
And said that you ***** me
You shook your head and denied.

You said why don’t we get out,
go and grab something to eat?
I felt too nervous to say no,
so I simply agreed.

That evening you took
me out in the dark.
You sped through country lanes
I begged for you to stop.

I was trying to guess
your next move.
And you took me to a place
that I never seen with you.

I was 19 when I was in the darkness with you.
I was so scared about what you were going to do.

When I tell this story,
I can barely pull through.
They say that I lied,
even though I told the truth.

I don’t know how long I have,
as macabre as it sounds.
I may be blessed to grow old with you,
or I might be unlucky and pass away young.

Sadly neither you or I can tell the future,
but I’d like to tell you how fortunate I have been to love you.

I know you want to start a family,
to go see the world,
and make beautiful memories together.
Even if we don’t get around to everything on our bucket list it’s okay.

My life has been worth living because of you.
And as saying goes “Until death do us part”, I want you to know that even in death my soul will stay close to yours and you will always have my heart.

The birds awake with song
I know it won’t be too long
Until the sun breaks at Dawn.

Repressing your feelings,

   Like I'm repressing mine.
  
      Pretending we're just friends,

         We dare not risk nor cross that line.

I said: maybe things will get better just give it a little time.
I pause to live in this delusion of mine.

Where love is abundant.
Where money is no object.
Where all my family are healthy.
Where my friends suddenly care.
I see the sunshine and it wants to stay for a while.

You said you had a secret to tell me.
But your mother had asked you not to say.
She had said how idiotic I’d been,
for taking the pill at a young age.

Let me be the first to tell you,
how enraged I was that day.
I looked the infected girl in the eye,
And said “my body, my choice”.
There’s nothing more to say.

I am from Myths and tales.
The one that sailors,
wish to prevail.
I am the girl,
who wails.
The one that men,
can't resist.
I am the Siren,
named Bliss.

With just one kiss,
I'll drain you up,
and you'll think,
it's true love.

I'll take you all,
I'll drag you down.
I'll drown you in perfection,
until the next guy comes around.

I would happily drag you down.

Black tie,
Black suit.
I'm Thinking of you.
Black dress,
Black shoes.
Good god Girl.
I'm missing you.

Where are you?
Where did you go?
Lord don't take her,
her body's not even cold.
I need you.
Please don't go.
Take my hand.
Let's grow old.
Don't give up
on me just yet.
At least wait
until my final breath.

These are words,
He never said.
Maybe he'll say them
when I drop dead.

I feel so broken.
I’m turning blue.
I beg you not to scream at me,
But you still do.

I cry my little heart out,
And wish it wasn’t true.
But last night you said to me;
“I’m leaving you”.

My family moved houses when I was young.
I was scared to start in the new school.
You were the first person to care about me
and I didn’t feel so lonely when I was with you.

You moved away when I was young.
You use to call and so did I.
We use to write and tell each other of our adventures all the time.

Then the phone stopped ringing.
And the letters stopped filling up the letterbox.

I never knew what happened to you…
I guess that’s what growing up does to kids like me and you.

I don’t want to wake up,
and feel the sun on my skin.

Every new friend,
turns their back in the end.

Filling up the ashtray,
Mascara running down my face,
Already on my third glass,
Can't believe you'd do that.
To me.

You wished we stayed in contact.
You wished we kept in touch.
But there’s two sides to every story.
And I did my best to be by your side love.

The sun beams dry up my teary face,
I'm worn out trying to seem ok.

and It's ok,
that I'm not ok.

You take your time,
Plotting mines into my gentle mind.
Too close for comfort,
I can’t trust any of your words.
You know
one of
these days,
I’ll tell Karma
to take a break.

I wish I could tell you,
How much you mean to me.
When I try to write about my feelings,
They simply escape me.

I gaze at the time,
it's eleven fifty-nine.
I won’t sleep tonight,
when I got you on my mind.

You dim the light of others,
just so you can shine.

Does it make you feel good smirking
when you hear them cry?

You take our kindness for granted
and we’d help you every time.

One day you might fall over
as we won’t be your shoulder to cry on this time.

It’s that moment of dread,
where everything gets intense,
where I only see red.
Where I only see red.

The anger comes bursting out,
like an animal on the prowl,
It’s digging it’s teeth in now.

It’s that moment of doubt,
where these vicious thoughts of mine,
are closing in on my mind.

Everything goes red.
These vultures are picking off what’s left.
I remember every bad thing that was said.
God sometimes I wish I was dead.

I know it can get dark sometimes.
Being alone with the thoughts in your mind.
I know you might be giving up on hope.
Give me a moment to say that you’re not alone.

Please don’t give up on the fight.
I know it can be tough somedays, sometimes.
And some things are just a lesson to learn
and pass by.
You change the song at any time.
Write the next chapter in the blink of an eye.
So please don’t go turning off your light.
Give yourself a moment.
To save your life.

Your smile lights up a room.
When you laugh,
I feel I’ve been cured of all my wounds.

You make me feel protected.
You make me feel loved.

She’s waiting patiently
for this all to end.
The sickness has caught on,
and there’s no medicine.

The dark thoughts
begin closing in.
No matter where you look,
there’s no happy end.

When I was sat shaking,
Holding back my tears.
You decided to highlight
And poke fun at my fears.

I’m glad you laughed.
I’m glad my relationship made you laugh.

It’s not the first time,
a “so called” friend stabbed me in the back.

Sorry I left the parties early
most nights without saying goodbye.
Maybe it was selfish of me
not to see you head home.
I just wanted to sleep
before the sunrise.

I wonder if the stars get so lonely being in the cold night sky,
That they decide to burn themselves out
so they might feel some warmth before they die.

Spend a little longer
with me darling,
I'm missing your touch
your so charming.

Why does it have to be this way?
Why can't you just stay?

The young boy carries the bucket with lots of colourful fish inside.
Whilst his father coughs up his habit and begins to trail behind.

The child calls back for reassurance “can we do this tomorrow dad? At the same time?”
The man smiled weakly and began to cry.
“Of course we can, now hold your old man’s hand”.

The boy now a man, looks up from the photograph of him and his Da, and says to his partner “that was the last time… the last time we went fishing”.

I want to hold you
Forever in my arms
My word will stay true
Until death do us part

I yearn to write endless poems about you
But there's no right words to encrypt what I feel towards you.

Every night,
Before I dream,
I wonder what our lives could have been.