Make sure there's nobody around
To see you leave this place,
Keep your eyes down,
Don't even look back at me.

If they ask why you were gone,
You were studying; you ran back,
I know they'll ask why you're flushed,
But keep your head down and nod.

Drive down the backroads when you leave,
Replay the words I always say:
"You can always stop"
But I know we won't get there

To those meetings in parking lots,
Because we're just lying in these rooms
Continuing this illicit affair
Because we failed to hide our longing stares.

It started with just a kiss, now it's so much more,
And it'll end with all of this,
Dying and dying like the stars we sat under
A million times together.

When you leave, take everything with you,
Delete all the photos, and emails,
Like we didn't exist at all,
I'm sorry I left you stranded again.

But don't take my words to heart,
I'm just high of the taste of you,
It'll all wear away soon,
No illicit affairs to die anymore.

And if we talk again, I'm screaming on the inside,
Because if you try to call me baby,
I'll cry, like we died, and I can't let you
See all those parts of me again.

So don't come up to me again
Like we're back to normal—it's just pretend
And I know that I'm a broken mess,
But you made me keep coming back

So I know all too well how this goes,
This game, this play, this twisted show,
And I can't deny that I would ruin myself
For you a million times.

I cried in silence again.
The tears streamed down
And made puddles on my carpet floor
I'm lying on again.

I watched the minutes change again.
Somehow the clocks go from five thirty
To nine thirty in an hour;
I've been on the same assignment.

I took a nap this afternoon again.
But I didn't even turn out the lights,
I don't know if i fell asleep
Or if I was just falling like I was the rest of the day.

My sweatshirt sleeves are wet again.
It's too hot out to wear long sleeves
But I sweat through it anyway;
I'm just cold.

My room is scattered with mess again.
Bugs crawling, biting at my legs
As I'm lying in my bed, awake,
Because I'm living a nightmare.

I'm not happy anymore.
But don't think I ever was,
I'm not sad, not quite,
Don't know who this world was made for...

But I don't think for me.

Do you know it hurts to leave me here?
Bleeding, scarred, begging for someone to see,
And you won't shed a single tear—
Even though we've been through so much—for me.

Didn't you know?

Do you know it kills me when you walk away?
Your back is turned, footsteps left, and I still stand,
But you keep leaving me there, day after day,
So I fall and fall, but you won't ever see me land.

Didn't you know?

Do you know how I die when you lie?
Hair over your eyes that are glued to your feet,
Nervous like I won't see through the things you hide,
I know I'm too much, but you took the heat.

Didn't you know?

Do you know that I cry because I don't know?
I don't know why you aren't here anymore, by my side,
I'm so lost in this sea, in the music, in this twisted show,
And you're too callous to see my goodbye.

Didn't you know
It's my time to go?

Is it all too much when I ask for nothing?
Just for you to say 'hi' in the halls,
And ask if I'm okay when I'm crying in the corner,
But it's all too much for you.

Is it all too much when I say a word?
Just one single word about myself,
And even when the words are ones you should care about,
It's all too much for you.

Is it all too much when I hang around?
Just to be there and not be lonely-stricken like I am,
And have someone to keep me accountable,
But it's all too much for you

Because even when I'm sad, and down,
Even when I stay up late for your wallows,
Even when I need to rant because then I'll scream,
And I listen to all of your creations without a second thought.
Even when I'm just there; silent, invisible,
You'll still push me out.

I know that I'm weird, a mess—different,
But so are you, and that's what makes us fit.
But now you glare at me from down the hall,
So I'm sorry this can't mend,
But that's alright with you, isn't it?

You put on your glassy mask
So I'll only see
The version of yourself
You contrived for me.

You slip on your suffocating shoes
So you can walk on
Like you're not gasping for air,
And nothing is wrong.

You tie up your hair tightly
So you can pretend
You're that pretty little girl again
With those once loyal friends.

You slide up your dejected glasses
So I can't see your bleeding scars
Hiding behind the facade—
I don't know who you really are.

You said, "I love you still"
And the words are like boulders on my back,
Crushing me, like how I drowned our love
Because we were just momentary.

Waltzing with my hand intertwined with death
Has never been a greater fate,
You'll keep pulling that knife out of my chest,
But you'll always be too late.