I stare off
At my bunk bed surface
To deep space
The metal bars under the cork
Shape like prison bars on a fork
Steep
Dark
Suffocating
Dull
I sink more to my cheap, wrinkled sheets
Still, frigidity penetrates it
I wonder why
You write
Because you know you are right
Or are you alright?
I trust everybody when they are writing
Because it shows who they truly are
They cannot be expressed ******
No matter how far
Who knows
I am Miss Understood
It feels as wintry as the neighborhood
I do not rise from it
Or will I ever
And always be the escapist prisoner of my prison
That I have built myself
Since I, the only one can enjoy it
Unreachable like how I reach things from the hole peeking from the bunk bed

Imagine
A ball of gas composing of water and land
That they call a planet
We started appearing out of nowhere
Spattering brains everywhere
Freedom to be anywhere
Only you can make the world beautiful
Only you can make life beautiful

What is sense?
When you are living inside a nonsense
Earth started out without structure, now you are telling me that I should think with structure?  
What values?
The ones told by your moms and dads to preserve order to everyone and yourself?
When all you have been entertaining is yourself
What beliefs?
When all of them are just distractions
As noises are to you and me
Who is responsible for your happiness?
Oh, look at that butterfly!

Sipping through the nectar of a New England Aster
Did that make your heart beat faster?
No need to rely on a maistre
To fulfil your already-hollow self
You are
You are the one who is feeling
You have your own heart
So, while you last
Make yourself that you think what joy is forever last
To yourself, to humankind, to all living and non-living vast!

The space we live in is infinite
The bigger you grow
The smaller your thoughts grow
The slower its flow
The blood does not clot
The vision blurs
The hours become seconds
The second you know, it is snow
Then, it will be spring!

Can you even catch up with all the pasts and futures?

The colors of tulip and dandelion fields
Intertwine with the afterglow of dawn
The scent of daylight and laundry sheets
Cool breeze condenses your cold glass window
Oh God!
Suffering is happiness
But that concept is nothing but nothingness
Is that what you all devotees call ******* sense?
Does not matter; irrelevant to the matter
Seven minutes of heaven of reminiscing the friendly conversations
The moments you sincerely laughed
The moments you tear yourself by the window

Remember your first love?
Do you still know what it smells like?
The taste of when you had your first breakfast at a five-star hotel?
The first country outside your country you travelled
The midnight chats while out raining
The fur of a Pomeranian or a husky

So done
So done
Of time running gone
System running--shutting
Life becoming to none

Nothing is definite
But only spoken in a miser, wiser’s tongue
I am a risky decision
You are a risky decision
We are a risky decision
We are a risk

Oh, we're drowning!
Someone save us!
What, you mean a god?
Living to believe
That we are dying
Lingering

Disbelieve in writing!
'Cause writing is a radical loss of certainty
What to believe
When the only way to survive life is not having any beliefs
Maybe we could have advanced to a higher meaning

HALT IT!
Overthinking! Overanalyzing!
The craziest cuckoo!

Needing of pain for comfort
Needing of comfort for pain

You call this art?
An art of ******* everything up

Reality is fantasy
Fantasy is reality
We'll wake up in a dream in no time

Hear Satie,
In odyssey in praise of odysseys
Now, you are telling me, you, and everyone in this room to be a catalyst?

How to end this poem
Like...life?

Ever heard of anxiety?
Just the word itself feels like eternity
A feeling that is born to multiply infinite
Still indefinite for the definite
Well, I have the social anxiety
That sounds like a self diagnosis
But every nanosecond I am going through metamorphosis
I do not have the profession to state this reliable confession
I know we are all different
But I know we are the same when it comes to biology
I am not saying this for unity
The sad thing is I cannot sell this brain for rent
Yet the hardest needed medication is empathy
For this distorted mentality
Why do you have to hurt when I am already in hell, reality?
Now shifting to maladaptive tendencies
I am not afraid of the crowd
I have fear they will not let me just be myself all year round
Say something positive
I will always flip it into something negative
Because I am provocative
Please see that as a prerogative
Do not be interrogative
This brain is too active for the inactive
Imaginative radioactive
Lacking in the interactive
Yet the fact that is also not enough
I am not enough is not enough
Since my problem is not in the physical
It is in the mental
And it is never going to turn only rental
Say you are only temperamental
Body burning like metal
Stuck in the bungalow
Now that they are all after the afterglow
Oh, when will it show?
The sweat excess
In this overthinking process
Overthinking the fact that we are all wired in "survival of the fittest"
Oh, brain! Just let me rest!
Can I just leave this to tomorrows' nests?
How can I show my best
When I need medication regardless
When will I find egress to this madness?
This is fine
Since suffering will lead you to happiness
Even for temporariness
What is worse is that it repeats
Until you are out of line
It was better all along if I became a mime
Better 'off with my head'
Better off dead

Cities in a thousand flight
Lights in a million fight
Flashing a million-dollar night
Feeling of a holy might

Seems right
Nothing tight
Circle around it must be a fright
Know that is a trite
Sparkle altogether as those sprites

Float away in a bright
Wrap me as if my knight
Do not leave in blight
Or seep through as a knife

High in this life
Like my lush in the rush
Brush my blush
Royal flush
Hush!
I hear...

Casinos, clubs, grands
Never bland
Limitless in this golden land
Scent of a brand

Never know what to decipher
Getting doper
When to flower
Unspeakable thoughts
But felt if they are all already spoken

Do it need to be dark
Do it need to be blank
Or frank?
Do it need to be rude
Does it need a hood

Captures the mood
Of the billion fingerlings
Swing in the blings
Wings in the rings

Tingling to mingle
To not be single
The lips of meringue
In the hidden harangue

Fight or flight
Not in the big one
Not in the deadly one
But in the hustle bustle
Of the dog-eat-dog castle
Until it becomes a rat chasing away from a snake hassle

The hustle bustle
Ruffles my truffles
Exquisite expensiveness
Conceals breeze of loneliness

Golden feast
Chandeliers from beasts
Sounds of civilized life
But still finding
What is missing

Satisfaction from unsatisfaction
Know the fraction
Of attention
Amused reaction

Anything can be built
Quilt then wilt
Divided between humility and progress
But these are fortresses

Will you destroy?
Or employ?
Stay in the middle
I guess that is the best choice
In this walking riddle

Not okay to dream a little?
Until life brittles?
Picture perfect scenario
Replaying in the head in adaggio
Everyday, there is a crisis
Blow up a catharsis
This brain is not for the symbiosis
Butterflies of fantasies
Childhood memories
Of factories blocking the greenery
Smoke through your nose
Since no one knows
Learn the ways of maturity
Through infidelity
Blindfold the reality
Zone out for a minute
The grasslands and glades knit
Milky Ways enclose and meet
March with the stars' fleet
Distraction is the best form of treasure
You can think pleasure outside displeasure
The perfection of models blinding
Can they just unzip for a meantime?
Only marionette treats to bedtime
The days of innocence are long gone
When found out that they were just done
They say sky's the limit
But it is the limit
Restore the painting
But all along was only a blank filling
Can only be painted by a unique will
Filled and felt with a quill of tranquil
Used to think of nothing
But now questions everything
This is a contradicting thing
Satirizing every thing that is existing
Since it is fulfilling for you
But if only you knew
That for me, everything is ridiculous
Yet imperfection is to drool
Until it formed a pool
Cursed with a hand that is ludicrous
Was blessed because we can make and knead dough
In this challenging economy?
Or none of it though?
Growing up faster?
Or living younger?
It was only yesterday when played hide and seek
Today, that is the duty on fleek
Known better
That diving in your own world is bitter
Pointless
But will never stop making them lifeless
Regardless of these beating; Endless
On the contrary,
If you are just a child, these thoughts will only end up imaginary

Pumping blood to my veins
Colorful life, colorless mine
Death is only a thin line
This world is already a complication
A work of imperfect imagination

I do not even know if it is for vain
Blood streaming, dripping, filling
Are you living?
Or just merely existing?

Falling deep when hurting
Why do you have to be the most sensitive part of this feeling
Cannot rise from this aching
But you are the reason why I am breathing
Telling me when I am dying

This heart is an abstract
An absurd tract
Are you God-made or a scientific fact
But both are just ideas that man created
Did I ask to be created?

All the while faith and knowledge are only what keeping me alive
But I do not want to be naive
Of what is behind reality
Or if this is just another fantasy

What is the meaning of life?
When all I am doing is running away from the knife
What is your true purpose?
You cannot answer that consistently, I suppose
Did you exist to just fill my emptiness
To keep me intact?
Even though what you gave me is sadness; now emotionless
What to achieve
When I do not know why I live