I never had anyone to look up to,
Growing up I just knew these people weren't who I wanted to be,
Infidelity, Lies, Hypocrisy.
Detachment, ***, Adultery.
These were my role models.
The mother who constantly lied,
The father who laid with different women every night,
Family members who have broken up happy homes,
The step-father infected by his own hypocrisy,
The family home.
Infested by the maggots that lie deep within its rotten core,
The silver fish that swim all around the darkness where the rotten core lies.
How they sleep at night,
Coveted by false respect and love that they believe they are due,
Is beyond my comprehension,
Shrouded by their own demons that serve as their blankets to lay with at night,
Born into a family that refuse to see their own filth and dirt,
Sickening.
They are the **** of the Earth.
Festering boils in place of where their heart used to be,
There are no role models here.
Only me.

As much as I try to portray myself as this heartless being,
I know deep down within me that I feel more than anyone,
I feel everything so very deeply,
It is both a blessing and a curse.
I feel to the point where it becomes excruciating,
I feel to the point where I become numb,
I drown in my own ocean,
I slowly suffocate within my own sea,
I breath.
Every breath brings me closer to my death,
With every breath I feel.
A little closer to death,
A little closer to life,
Stuck somewhere in between,
It is my purgatory.

Never good enough.
Seeking out only my imperfections,
Love never lost,
When it never existed,
Treat me as if I have no heart,
Looking for ways to rip me apart
"We're a family" you say,
Then start acting the part.

I write not for fun but only as an escape,
Words seem to fail me when I am not sad enough,
Mad enough,
Or simply fed up with life,
It is as if I can only be the ruler of my underworld,
Never my paradise,
I am the Hades of my domain,
Everywhere I look seems to be the same,
Darkness shrouding all possibilities of light,
As if I was never destined to shine.
No matter how hard I fight,
With all my might,
It does not change the jurisdiction.
"Banished to the darkness"
"Let the child never see light."

Hell bound by these hellhounds.
Forever on the prowl,
Preying on the weak,
Sacrificing their children as if they were merely meat,
Lambs to the slaughter.
Forgotten without a trace.
Thrown away like broken toys,
Without saving grace,
Seen as nothing but burdens,
Ignore the pain on their face.
What doesn't **** you makes you stronger,
They must learn their place.
For we are their masters.
They be nothing but cattle.
Brand them with our names.
Carve their skin with our initials,
Destroy their hopes and dreams,
Weaken their minds,
Prepare them for the saddle.

She's a ******* but doesn't see it,
She sells herself then goes mute,
Only loud when not in his presence,
It is funny how she settled for him,
Settled for the man before and here she is repeating her mistake,
Her light has truly dimmed,
She so willingly submit yet barks as if she didn't choose to commit,
I wonder at what point did she become his *****,
Was it along the lines where she became blind when faced with his mistakes?
Lost all form of hearing when he used his forked tongue to speak,
At what point did she lose sight of a king when in the presence of a joker?
Perhaps her common sense failed her when she was bearing his kid,
one child then the next,
Not only for this joker but the next,
She doesn't love herself.
She can't help but put on a front.
Secretly she puts him above everyone else,
above the rest, not only her children but herself.
Holds this pathetic excuse of a man close to her chest,
Her aim is to please, she barks like a *****.
Protecting her lowly master at all costs,
Never ceasing to serve her master with ease,
When did she fall and descend to hell?
Willingly chose to be a prisoner within this house,
Prison.
Sharing his quarters.
Sharing his cell.
I have no respect for who she is or she pretends to be,
It will never be me.
For my man will be a reflection of me, I will wait as long as it takes and choose wisely,
Never will I be the woman who birthed me.
Never will I be so lonely,
For when I look upon this woman and the man she chose so willingly,
All I see is tweedle dumb and tweedle dee.

People just don't like to be nice,
As if they were made of ice,
Cold to the touch,
The frost from the snow that is their soul,
Slowly embedding its way into their heart
Yet so easy to break,
Everyone has an Achilles heel,
Every dog has their day,
My father always said there is always more than one way to skin a dog,
Think like the enemy,
Be the enemy,
And watch how all your opponents fall